Hello to the hurting people on this forum: I've been away for quite a while, months in fact. I was one of the most hopeful persons here that I'd survive H's affair, and it hasn't happened that way. With all my efforts, I only found out that he and her had just been plotting and deceiving me on an ongoing basis. Since I was here last, his affair was "over" 3 times. He walked out on us a week and a half ago to live with her, altho he keeps saying he is looking for his own apartment. This whole thing is now only 6 months old for me, it feels like 6 years. My boys are terribly hurt and H is doing that "numb" thing I read about on another post where it seems he doesn't care about their feelings or mine.<P>Now he is looking for a lawyer and said he is going to file for D. I'm talking to realtors to sell the house, and the only good thing is that he has said he won't keep me here in Michigan and let me go back home to family in Illinois. It's a small consolation to me. I'm all mixed up, I still love him in a very small part of me, but the rest of me tells me the man I knew is not here anymore and I need to move on.<P>I've joined DivorceCare at our church but that is quite depressing, I don't think I can still go. Most of all I still feel on a rollercoaster even now, where I cry all day for the "dream-life" that has been lost for my family, and other days where I can't wait to shake him off my boots. The extremems they went to against me were pretty incredible. There was a point where I believe he did break it off and intended to save our family; he answered all my questions honestly and told me who she was. He quit his job and accepted another one in another company. It only took less than a week before he was e-mailing her again and that's when I think he just decided to give up on us. I don't know how many of you did this for a year or more! For me it at the end and I actually sometimes look forward to my own life with my kids. I try to picture the new person in my life (in the way, way forward future) who I'll meet someday and have a good relationship with, hopefully having learned from the mistakes made here. Most of all, I'm just very very scared. It's hard for many of us at-home moms who have been out of work for a long time to suddenly become the main provider, but I'm sure I'll find a way.<P>DZRT: Are you still out there? What ever happened for you and your wife? Are you still working on saving it? Have you had any progress?<P>Just a hi note to all that have helped me in the past - and I'll check in a lot more now that I have my internet thingy fixed.<P>Kathy

Hurt Bad,<P> Hello, how are you? Yes, this is dzrt, but I changed my name due to a glitch. I am sorry things are going badly for you. I don't post much anymore, but I do surf through here at work sometimes, just to see how things are going for some of the "old timers". My w found out that I posted on here and she was very upset that I was talking about personal stuff, so out of respect to her I quit doing it unless I had some advice for someone else.<BR> I will give you this brief update on me. My w and I had a rough Christmas season. I continued to Plan A, but she wasn't very receptive. I also had quite a few "blowups" with her. In the end, she felt that she needed to get away to have some peace and figure things out. Can't say that I blamed her, however she did go stay with the om. I pretty much left her alone, and tried to only contact her when she contacted me first (only via e-mail). I also spent a lot of time working on me and learning to be a single parent. You know what I found out? I can do a lot more than I thought I could. I also went out with friends and met some new people. Some of these were women and I DID get some interest! Didn't act on it, though...what can I say, I still love my w. But it did make me feel good to get some attention and it made me realise that life does go on and that I will be just fine.<BR> Now for the good part! We talked last weekend and she is coming home (she left right before New years) tomorrow! She wants to work on rebuilding our marriage! I don't know what lies ahead, but I am so excited that she still wants to try. I don't know what changed her mind, but I am very thankful. I hope we can do this...well, I know we can if we BOTH try. I also think that her spending (ok..living) time with the OM was important, although painful to me. Maybe she just needed to "find out". Who knows, but I am nervous and excited right now. But I do hate rollercoasters and I'm not off this one yet (LOL).<BR> I guess my point is this...hang in there with your h...he very well may change his mind. Plan A until you can't and then plan B. Even if he files, he may stop eventually. I know it sucks, but if you love him, the possibility of working it out is an incredible incentive. I swear right now that I don't resent the pain of the last 8 months if I just get this chance. If it doesn't work, I will have given my best and I will move on. Work on yourself and hang in there!<P>mat4<BR> I guess

Hi Mat4:<P>Very good to hear from you and I am so pleased to hear some good news. You worked very hard and thank God for miracles. My miracle doesn't seem possible. He is so devoid of any emotion for me, he's like a robot. He's doing a lot of legal posturing. This OW really has a lot of hold and control over him. You would not believe what I've been through with the 2 of them and all their plotting and deceit since my last postings several months ago. You would not believe some of the things I found out were going on when I thought my marriage was savable. I think living with her (altho it's only been a few weeks now) has made up his mind to leave us. I'm waiting to be served any day now. Now he's getting mad at how much he's going to have to pay for his kids. He's so worried that he and her won't be able to build their new home they're planning (she makes a ton of money). The twist to that now is that his new job may require him to move to Washington state or to Dallas - but she's probably excited about that. I feel like he goes off free and easy and I get dumped with all the responsibility to clean up the mess and have nothing. I get to go live with my boys in my sister's basement in a place I really don't want to go back to but have no choice. Raising kids by myself is an awesome reality and we have 2 DOGS and then I have to sell my house and probably everything in it so that there is something with which to provide a living off of for them. I should hate him for his indifference to me and the boys, but I still wind up crying all day long sometimes. He calls it theatrics. He can't understand what I could possibly be that upset about. The two of them are as cold and evil as can be and I hope it turns against themselves.<P>Plan A never did anything. Plan B at this point doesn't matter either. He is the one who wants no contact with me at all. I didn't deserve this. I guess who does? It's so cruel and heartless. And now he may wind up at the other end of the country so my children will suffer that loss too.<P>I'm sorry - I hate to start all my grief all over again online. But it is great to hear you have a chance. You loved your wife right thru it all and may even have a chance at a better life together now. I thought we had one, but I was just deceived by a couple of pros. I don't know if I want him back or have any love left - maybe there is if it still makes me cry, just buried real deep.<P>I don't post much anymore-just thought I'd look you up and see if your devotion paid off. I'm very happy it did. God bless. Kathy