I did get some good advice when I posted (Insecurity), but no direct answers to the following questions. Care to state your opinion?<P>1) How do you feel about your spouse going to dinner, the movies, etc. with an opposite sex friend? Is it appropriate for them to do so alone?<P>2) How do you feel about them discussing issues in the marriage relationship?

It really depends on your relationship. The way yours is right now, and your feelings towards it I would say it is inapporpriate as it is hurting you.<P>As Harley states, everyone is wired for an affair, the OP is meeting some need and her discussing your relationship with him is a warning flag.<P>But it is all going to be in how you approach it with her. Where do you stand right now?<P>Cat

!, It depends on the people involved but is<BR> risky behavior, and definately not a good<BR> idea if it disturbs the spouse.<P>2, No it is not OK to discuss your marriage<BR> with others, the exception being couselling, etc.

I agree with Hanera. This is difficult because most of my friends have always been men. My H also had a "Friend". This is how I feel about it, a true friend should be willing to include a spouse in activities such as dinner or movies, if trustworthy intensions are what they are after. (I knew she didn't have good intentions by her walking away from me without ever speaking whenever I went to his job.) True friends are not selfish and think only of themselves leaving the spouse alone. I've had a very good friend that has helped me through a lot in my life, he has listened about problems in relationships, etc...they aren't there to down the relationship or sabotage it. I decided a long time ago that if someone asked me to lunch or something to say no. First of all, they are right, everyone is in mode in times in their life for an affair. LIMITS MUST BE SET. Not only for yourself but in consideration of your spouse. If you think you will uncomfortable in a situation - don't put yourself in it! Maybe this person if just a friend (totally platonic) but we have also learned that we should respect how our spouses feel, and if you're uneasy about it I hope she will stop.<P>------------------<BR>

Dear Never,<P>Those are good questions. Depending on ones values you may take an absolute view, either "No, it's never ok" or "Yes, it's ok".<P>Personally, I take a view that's in between. It's relative to the circumstances, most importantly, who that friend is. I have a close friend of the opposite sex who lives in another city. She and my wife are also close friends. I care about this person in a loving brother-sister way, but there is no sexual interest at all. I have been clear about that point to my wife. When I visit her city on business we get together for dinner, and we talk about most things in our lives. I always tell my wife when I see this friend. This friend also visits my city and stays with us when she does. She and my wife talk in the phone regularly. What I'm getting at is everthing is open, clear and honest. It isn't an EA because the mutual friendship is shared with my wife.<P>So, if you are asking about this because of a relationship you or your spouse is having with someone, ask yourself if:<BR>Everything is open and honest? <BR>if there is no sexual interest (regardless of act)? <BR>and if everyone is informed of everything? <P>If you answer yes to any of these questions, then maybe the relationship should be questioned.<P>food for thought.

AMEN going to make it, a true friend will be a friend to you both

Never,<P>My answers to both of your questions are never. Opposite sex friendships which exclude spouses are just disasters waiting to happen. Probably nothing happens in 2 out of 10, but I really don't like those odds. Something may not be happening now, but unless your spouse is really exceptional, the outcome is certain.<P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep YOu<BR>John

John,<P>To clarify my long post, I agree with you 100%. Other sex relationships MUST include your spouse. If your spouse isn't included, then the spouse is excluded. trouble will follow. It's that simple.