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Joined: Jul 1999
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Well, it's been almost two weeks since the D was final. I haven't been able to wear any of the jewlery Xh gave me for a while, and now I'm considering my options.... I'd like to know what you all think.<P>Option 1 ~ Have it all melted down, and redesigned. I've even been sketching several ideas. I could have several pieces made from what I have. However, I'm worried that whatever I have made will always be a trigger to me. Then again, it could be a reminder to me of all the things I have learned through this journey, and how to have a successful relationship in the future.<P>Option 2 ~ Sell it all, and use the money to buy myself something for the "new me". That way it would not be directly connected to my X. Maybe buy some new jewlery, some new art, or maybe some new cloths. Maybe all of the above.<P>Option 3 ~ Melt down/redesign our wedding rings and sell the rest. <P>I'm having a hard time with this right now... all the pieces were gifts for special events in our lives. Pieces I thought I would treasure forever, and now I can't stand to look at them. <P>What do you all think?<P>Love, Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

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I think that you should wait a while...it has been almost a month, and I thought about selling it all myself, but now I think I will just do something with my ring. Not another ring, but perhaps a necklace. I have a daughter that I may want to pass some of it to later down the road. I have been strongly considering the ring, though..it is on my dresser in a glass box..I out it on right after the divorce was final.... did not look right on my finger anymore...it is a beautiful diamond and I should at least get some pleasure out of it. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

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I agree with waiting. You can always do something down the line, but selling or melting it down can't be undone.<BR>

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Waiting a little while is probably sound advice. But, I have to say I like the idea of melting it down and designing something new. Very symbolic, like a 'butterfly' emerging from its old form.<BR>Kathi

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Butterfly,<P>I couldn't wear my jewelry for awhile either, and there are still times when it is tough. I had the diamond from my wedding ring made into a necklace. I'm wearing that now, along with the diamond earrings he gave me. <P>The band from the wedding ring was disposed of in a little ceremony I held for myself. I believe in purging the ghosts, as they say. I don't know how your marriage ended, but mine was very ugly. It wasn't worth it to me to save the gold from my wedding ring. <P>One or two other pieces of jewelry were also disposed of, along with half of the china. It really was cathartic, and I don't regret it at all. My sister was a little bummed though. She thought I could have made a nice mosaic table out of the china shards. It was Lenox "Savannah". I kinda like the idea that it is in a landfill somewhere, waiting for some future civilization to un-earth. I waited a long time before I destroyed anything, because I didn't want to do it in anger. I'd wait till the rawness of the divorce to subside a bit, so you don't have any regrets.

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Put it all away and wait a year. That time will allow you to heal and then you will be able to make the decision that is best for you.

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Thanks everyone.<BR>I tried to post a response last night, but I kept getting kicked offline.<P>I think I will get a safety deposit box and put all this stuff in it. That way it is out of site for a while, and then I will decide.<P>Sue, I took my wedding rings out the night the D was final. I couldn't even look at them, let alone put them on. <P>Essyboo, You are right, whatever I do can't be undone. <P>Kathi, I think that is the way I am leaning most. To design something new, better from the old. Kind of like building a new and improved me from the experience.<P>Student, I've had my share of ceremonies lately too... the fire pit in the yard is testamony to that (a page from Wasstubborn's book! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]) <P>hanora, I figured I would pay for a year on the safety deposit box, and when they notify me it's time to pay again, then I'll make my decission.<P>I guess I am still leaning toward melting at least the wedding rings down and making something new.... cleaning by fire and starting over. It's all very symbolic.<P>Thanks again for the replys!<BR>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

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I, too, had much jewelry my ex gave me over the years and it all had memories for me because it was given to me on different special ocassions. At the time of divorce I knew I didn't want the jewelry even in my house, but I also didn't want ex to have it. In the divorce decree ,all jewelry was itemized and put in safety deposit box which ex has to pay for and the jewelry will be given to our daughter at age 21 [she is now 16], and she can do what she wants with it at that time. I should be over the emotions associated with it by then !

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Hi Butterfly,<P>I have been separated for only 7 months, but have made my decision about my wedding jewellery. I'm going to have it melted down, and a beautiful new ring made. That way, I still have something to hand down, but it has no painful reminders. My way of looking at it is that the whole 12 years weren't bad, in fact, it is only the last 11 months that have been diabolical. The rest was good. I don't want to sell mine, but I don't want them in the form they are now. This way, I will have something new, which represents the new and improved me, but still maintains and has links with the old me. I happened to like the old me a little bit!!!!!!! I guess change is good for us all.<P>If, and it's a mighty big if, we ever can put this mess behind us and patch things up, I would like a new ring. A commitment ring I have decided to call it.... Isn't that so presumptious of me.......he's made no mention of coming home !!!!!!<P>anyway, my 0.02c worth, not worth much with the exchange rate today.<P>hope you're feeling better today<P>Jo<P>


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