We need another positive thoughts poll. How about...Things our spouses said or did to lead us to believe things could get better?<P><BR>OOOh tough one in the land of misery.<P>Spontaneously hugged me after months of no touching on his part.<P>started asking me what I thought about different things.<P>Made me breakfast. Ding ding ding big winner here. <P><BR>Sometimes all the pain blinds us to the good things that are happening too.

after years of h*ll we've both hung in there this far... must mean there's some strong "glue" between us. <P>Keo

How about:<P>If I could choose, I would choose NOT to feel "in-love" with her.<BR>I really am trying...this is important to me.<BR>Things are getting easier for me (re: withdrawal).<BR>I do not feel in-love but I feel much closer to you than I have in a long time.

Beth<P>I am so glad you asked. Of course I get down and upset just like everyone else, and probably will again, but sometimes God just gives me that extra lift that tells me that all the trying and denying myself is worth it. <P>Tuesday had been one of those days. I had been so upset about my wife's demand for constant nonsexual affection in exchange for the possibility of sex at some indefinite time, that my emotions were just screaming at me to tell her off. But instead, I put my own feelings on the back burner and just did what I knew to be the right thing, washing dishes, helping with homework, bathing kids, etc. Well after the kids go to bed, my wife comes in the living room, with nothing on, to sit in front of the fireplace to warm up. My wife is an extremely beautiful woman, and everything in me was screaming at me to approach her to make love, but a still small voice inside told me that it was not time. Later at bedtime, I joined her in bed to find that she still had no clothes on. When I got into bed, she told me that she did not want to make love, but merely wanted to be held as she went to sleep. Now if you know anything about men, you might have some idea how difficult this was for me, but I agreed, although every thing in me was screaming to begin to try to get her aroused. Of course, there was still some obvious evidence of my arousal, and she asked me if I was ok with this. I told her that it would not be easy, but if this was what she wanted, that I would just hold her until she went to sleep. Well, a few minutes later, guess who decided that she wanted to make love?<P>Anyway, that proved to me that when I consistently do the right things, that they will work out, but I have to keep it up. If you quit, you will never know how close you were to a breakthrough.<P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,<BR>John

Every now and then I hear the I love you tone in her voice. I know she isn't aware that she does it but she does.<P>She will try to scare me with a boo when I am not expecting it.<P>She talks with me about her day. Lately, I haven't really wanted to hear what she has to say. I listen as enthusiastically as I possibly can.<P>The biggest is that she is still in the house with the boys and me even though she is sleeping on the couch (has since 31 May 1999.)<BR>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net <p>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited March 09, 2000).]

I want to get in on this one! <P>I had all the same input on the "hurtful things" post. I'll participate here because it is so much more positive.<P>1. Wife went to dinner with me (no kids), after refusing many invitations earlier in year.<P>2. Wife bought me a pair of pants she thought I would look good in.<P>3. Wife slept naked with me last night (nothing sexual) after she told counselor that we were still sleeping together but she always wore something as a "barrier" to keep me from getting the wrong idea. Was it just the warm weather or was it a baby step?<P>4. Tone of voice and joking around.<P>5. We were joking about how I don't like my job. I said with summer coming I was going to quit and get a job as a lifeguard at the pool we always take the kids to. She knew I was joking of course, but said No way, too much for you to look at there!<P>6. Hugs seem more real and genuine. Not just "charity" hugs to help me cope.<P>7. Damaged her favorite ring in the garbage disposal. Called ME crying, upset and looking for support. Looks like I may still be meeting some emotional needs.<p>[This message has been edited by help me (edited March 10, 2000).]

These are so good!!!<P>The day my husband started consistently sleeping in his underwear like he used to was a good day for me too.<P>My husband started initiating conversations. Asking me how my day was. Calling me sweetie.<P>The day that was the best so far was the day he told me he had decided he wanted to stay married to me.<P>Of course the day he started asking what I thought of certain names for our future children was a pretty good one too.<P><BR>I'd also like to hear from betrayers things their spouses did to make them think it might be ok to stay.

OK, I'll try, even though I had a LBing talk with LOR 2 hours ago, and feel horrible. Need something positive to focus on.<P>She tells me that I won't have the strength to keep trying. Now, that's kind of positive isn't it? There is some hope in that statement, kind of a challenge, don't you think?<P>I have omnipotent strength, because God is all powerful, and in him is where I take my strength.<P>

Bringing to the top for a more positive morning. (Actually I needed to read these myself. Taker through a big fit this weekend. )<P>Husband told me this weekend that we were becoming friends again.

How about when they begin to talk about things we will do together in the future. My H has been talking about painting the house this summer, getting a puppy, working on starting a business, etc. He's thinking of his future with me and the kids in it...

My husband has been doing more checking up on me lately. If I'm in another room doing something and I haven't shown my face he goes looking for me. This means alot to me. I was really down on Saturday and I went into the bedroom to try and get a grip, and he came in. His compassion, honesty, and just plain old caring really helped.<P>Anytime my husband talks about the future, and I'm obviously in it I'm elated. He's become more confident of his statements now. At first it was tentative like "this is what I'd like to happen, but I'm not sure you won't hurt me". Now there's a sense of it's going to happen and the timeframe will work itself out. His confidence reassures me.