Hi, fellow MB friends, I have been mostly just laying low and away from this board. I a have been really conflicted about my future and what exactly I wanted to do. For any newbies, my wife's EA and physical affair is now almost 9 mths old, and she moved out almost 7 mths ago now. <P>Long story short, my patience, plan A , and desire to wait has really been waning. My respect for my wife has been taking a beating. Just within the last 2 weeks, she is starting to bring the OM out into her reality. I found out she went with OM and our daughter (3yr old) to a co-worker's home to do a couples and kids thing (other kids are 3 and 5). I am sorry, but my strong Christian faith and value was telling me this was very unacceptable in my eyes. I essentially told her today, we needed to resolve our situation, so that she could expose our child to boyfriend in a "divorce" situation and not in unresolved marriage situation. (i.e. adulterous affair relationship). Well.. she then agreed it was time to seek a resolution, she had consulted a lawyer and then I offered the mediator option. Looks, like we both agreed there has to be a resolution. She got misty a couple of times, wouldn't say she cried, mostly misty when we talked about affects of this on our child. Yeah, I guess she is still deep in fantasyland, but I can't sit on my hands anymore. Her only new explanation or revelation... After I reiterated that she had said she had lost respect for me (leading to her not treating me well by jumping into affair and lying and leaving) she said, "No, I respect you as a person, individual, father, but I never had that respect for you as my marriage partner"<P>Huh?? I was taken aback by that one. Maybe just another way of saying I never loved you since the beginning. I did my standard, I am sorry for my behaviors that may have led to losing respect, but she clung to the never having the respect. The mentality and damage that affairs brings is just beyond me. So, in a nutshell it looks like divorce is looming, but maybe more at peace not being in limbo. Was it jersey joe that was seeking to move on? I know the feeling, I have just felt like moving on, though I love the woman that was my wife (not sure if she's still there inside that body). <P>------------------<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{izzy }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Izzy,<P>I know what you mean about loving the person you used to know. I loved the woman that was my wife, the woman that met my needs, but now I just don't know who she is or even if I'll like her if she lets me try to find out who she is.<P>At any rate, hang in there as long as you can, but when it's time to move on, you'll know. Trust yourself in these matters. <P><P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

I just wanted to bring it back up, for anymore responses. I am interested in any updates. Has anyone heard from MAYA or HOLLY, how are they doing and has their love for their husbands come back? <P>Thankyou Keosha, especially since I don't think we have ever responded to each other before.<P>Sparky, I really wonder if the woman we know ever really comes back into that body? One of the things Harley told me in counseling, was that as our wives needs change we need to make sure we still meet her emotional needs. In my case, maybe my wife was changing and I didn't change my behavior to meet those needs. And this new person maybe what she was evolving towards. (other than the immoral, lack of values thing) Just more random thoughts.