After being separated for over a year, it appears there will be no opportunity for reconciliation. I've prayed for it, asked my W for it, hoped her counselor would encourage it (a Christian counselor). But the answer has been a clear and steady no the whole time. I feel a bit foolish for having continued to extend my clear desire for restoration to my W, who (despite ending an 8 month affair last summer)has never given it a serious chance. Divorce could be final in a month or less. I am exhausted and discouraged. I'm sure there are others in the same place on this board.

Doc,<P>I know exactly how you feel. My divorce will be final the end of April. I have not allowed my H to use me as a door mat but have let him know that I was willing to work on the marriage. We have talked about working out the marriage twice, but he never puts too much into it. <P>My next conversation with my H is going to be a difficult one for me. I am going to nicely say that I am tired of playing these games and unless he is serious about our marriage - leave me alone. <P>I have found with my H, if he thinks I don't want him, he wants to talk to me. I pulled a plan-B for 2 months and finally saw the person I married. Of course, when he found out I was willing to work on the marriage, he ran the other way. I think it is part confusion and part a game with my H. <P>I'm so sorry that your wife has been so discouraging. I really don't have any good advice as I am in the same type of boat you are. I just keep hoping that maybe even after the divorce our spouses will return from lala land! Take care.

Your situation sounds very familiar. We had a couple talks, but my W was clearly just testing me. It felt like a setup for failure, to validate her preconception that we never had a marriage in the first place. (meaning 20 years of what?)<P>It is indeed lala land. If the consequences weren't so severe, there would be some humor in it. <P>You still hope for a marriage and reconciliation post-divorce? My friends think I'm a little neurotic for hoping the same. But I do.

It looks like I will be heading down the path of divorce. My h is living with the ow. As far as I know, he hasn't filed for divorce. I think he expects me to. Well, I have the papers that I need to fill out and send in so that I can get an attorney. I have to go through legal aid. I can't afford a lawyer. Right now, I am putting it off. He came to the house the other day and we spent a couple of hours together. We got along so well. I really don't understand why he did this. I don't think he does either. I am starting to think that he is wanting to be with me. Of course I am getting my hopes up too. The thing is, he was just so nice to me when I saw him. He told me jokes, we filled out his child support papers, he told me he plans to come and help me fix up the house so that we can sell it, he hugged me twice, held my hand. I just don't get it. That is why I am putting it off for now. But, I suppose divorce is imminent and that we will have to go through with it. Not by my choice. I guess I am just saying that I am like both of you, if we do get divorced, I have that hope that we will get back together. I have always joked that I am psychic. Well, I have dreams and they tend to come true. I dreamt my sister was pregnant, called her, sure enough, she was pregnant with number four. I dreamt my h moved in with the ow. Sure enough, that day, he moved in with her. I have always had this dream over and over... I have dreamt that we get divorce but then we get married again because we realize how stupid it was to get divorced in the first place. I just keep having this feeling he wants to come back to me. I want to ask him but I am so afraid to. You know, fear of rejection! He is probably being so nice to me because I am being so nice to him. I won't start being mean. I like being on good terms with him. I feel like it may just drive the ow nuts. Then maybe she will start telling him he can't be around me and if there is one thing my h can't stand it is when people tell him what to do or put down someone he cares about. Well, I believe he still cares about me. I may be nuts too. I don't know anymore. I just know this is so frustrating for all of us who are going through this right now! I wish life didn't have to suck so bad!<P>I am so sorry for you guys! It really is a rotten time for all of us!<P>~Woozy

doc<P><B>I understand completely</B> My H can/will file in April. Sending hugs and prayers your way. <P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Doc,<P>I don`t feel I even belong here any more, but I do lurk and read any way... I do feel it helps in the one area of knowing I am not alone and there are so many of us still out there that have no choices, but to move on, like it or not... I am past the point of reconciliation.. I am sep 16 mths, now, and it is very close to the end.. I have lost my ex, (to me) through death.. I have been treated as if I don`t exist, and so I do the same, back in return.. (not that I like it, or can do anything about it.. he wwon`t have a thing to do with me, and as I said I have no choices..) he won`t look at me, or talk to me, or be civilized in any way.. <P>I know in my heart, we were both at many faults.. but no one deserves this kind of treatment.. Of course I still have my days, of back sliding, and feeling as though this all happened yesterday, thinking about the good that we had, that most defintily over powered the bad we went through.. but he focuses on the most recent of the memories, (as well as having an OW, I call her perdue!!) that gets in the way of any clear thinking.. so my daughter and I are left to suffer.. and move on..<P>boy isn`t life grand! <P>I feel for you Doc.. I know just what your feeling right now, and it stinks to the high heavens.. but I also realize now, time does heal.. and having family and lots of support also helps.. It is inevidable in my case, that we are ever getting back together.. <P>I just feel reading this stuff is learning, and growing and I know in my heart the next person that comes along, is going to be the luckiest person on earth... and thats something to look forward to.. <P>take care and lots of luck, what ever the out come.....AV

Doc & others,<P>So sorry to hear about your situations and the probable ends to your marriages. You still do have time for them to awaken.<P>Do what you must, but above all, continue to grow.<P> A good book I read, was "Rebuilding after the Relationship Ends" by Dr. Bruce Fisher.<P>Its about dealing with your emotions/feelings after a relationship ends.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob