I wanted to address you personally because you seem for some reason to have alot of anger and harsh words to say, and that's okay. I didn't expect everyone to be supportive.<P>1st of all, you stated that neither one of us has said we are prepared to let go. I beg to differ. I came here a month or so ago and sought help when I was first struggling with letting go. I haven't done so completely and I am ashamed to admit that but I AM trying, despite what you believe. I have made progress even though the pain is sometimes more than I think I can bear.<P>These are the things I have done thus far:<P>1. I cancelled a trip to Baltimore to be with him. Instead I sat at my computer and posted, posted, posted here and got the encouragement and strength to do so. I can't tell you how tough that was for me to do that. I wanted desperately to be with him and everything was set for that to happen. It took every ounce of will power and a great deal of posting here to cancel those plane reservations.<P>2. I had the MM send back every card, letter, and picture I had ever sent him. I told him he couldn't concentrate on the future if he always had memories of me/us to fall back on. <P>3. I went into his work email account the last time we were together and deleted all my messages to him.<P>4. I then went into his personal email account and deleted all those messages.<P>5. I wrote him a no-contact letter (which I tried very hard to stick to) but had a weak moment and called him. Having said that, our phone calls have DRAMATICALLY decreased. We used to talk multiple times a day. That is no longer the case.<P>For you to say that I am not trying is simply not true. For you to imply I have any other motive than trying to get some one that I love so deeply some help, is wrong. <P>Do you think I enjoy reading this stuff? I am sitting at work, in my office and bawling like a baby. People keep asking me what's wrong and I just wave them out....I can't even form a sentence.<P>And as far as "whattodo" goes. I believe in my heart that as much as he wants to be with me, he will (with the help of others on this forum who are supportive but firm) end up rebuilding his marriage and let me go. But when people like you don't know his heart and are hostile, I think he's more likely to give up.<P>And again, NEITHER of us is seeking justification. There is no justification for adultery. I went to counseling with my pastor and tried to make this offense less than it is. I said "I am having pre-marital sex with a married man" He said "Judy, what you are doing is committing adultery. Let's name the sin what it is and not make light of it." I know it is a serious problem. I know how much damage could be done. I don't try to justify it in my own mind and I certainly don't seek justification here. And trust me, neither is he. He is simply seeking reasons to work on his marriage as opposed to throwing it away. I felt he could find it here. And whilst I certainly didn't expect people to treat him with kid gloves, I wasn't prepared for the cruelty and non-constructive posts he has been getting. Like NSR said, this forum's mission from the best I can tell is to offer support without judging or being cruel. <P>And I think it was Truthseeker who said that when people are met with those types of posts, their reaction will be to leave. I beg of you to not be a part of that happening. <P>I have poured out my heart here (in this post and in others) you can now do one of two things. You can try to see me for the person I am.....someone who is deeply in love with an unavailable man and is desperately trying to do the right thing even though I might make some mistakes along the way or as someone I am NOT....a sadistic psycho woman who likes to inflict pain on others and myself. <P>I hope you will be a part of the solution and stop being so harsh with people who are right now very fragile and almost broken. Did we bring this on ourselves? YES. And I don't expect sympathy but what I would ask is that you try to see things from where we are coming from as I am trying to do from a betrayed's perspective. If I wasn't.... heck, I'd just continue on. I'd have gone to Baltimore, I'd never have asked him to send the stuff back...infact,I'd be down at Hallmark buying more. But instead, I am crying out for help and taking the blows as they come. <P>Even though you don't agree with where we've been, I am asking you to at least not slam us for where we are trying to go......which is forward, without each other.<P>Thanks for listening/reading.<P>

I said in a previous post that I felt in the BEGINNING you were trying to get help to be strong and stay away. But now, no way. I feel how some others feel and LisaM put it out there the best. I think you want a reaction of love/pity from WTD and that shows by your actions of deleting email messages from his account and from your other actions. Like LisaM I feel it is a head game to get pity and love from WTD.

fair enough. I'm sorry you feel that way but I know in my heart my intentions haven't changed from the beginning. They still are to break free from this addiction.<P>

Judy,<P>Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to tell you how much I do admire you. It is not easy to admit that you were so caught up in such a destructive sin and then also to admit it to your pastor. Just remember that when God forgives, he forgives forever. He can also give you a man who will fill your every need like the MM never could and you will be proud to say that this is your husband!<P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,<BR>John

azhootie... and whattodo...<P>I had to say this...<P>I believe in you! <P>We get so much negative from our friends, our family, our spouses...<BR>...you don't need any negative here on this forum.<P>Your efforts toward breaking off the affair... IMHO... are more that noble and sincere.<P>Please don't get frustrated here... if you wish to remain on the forum...<BR>...some people have resorted to private e-mails to avoid the publicity on the forum... and the occassional negative comment. If you wish to proceed with e-mailings... I would be honored to correspond with you... and there are others on the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000367.html" TARGET=_blank>"New" E-Mail Exchange</A> who would also!<P>Don't lose hope...<BR>Encouragement is still out here...<P>Whether you believe it or not...<BR>there is still love... <BR>You are loved!<P>Your friend... <P>Jim

azhootie,<BR>I am one of the betrayeds on this forum, but I support you and your actions. During our toughest times, I tried hard to understand the actions of the OW. Even when she knew that my H was trying to work on our marriage, she continued to call him and stop by his work to see him. I put myself in her shoes. She was deeply in love. She wanted my H more than anything. It was a hell for her as much as for me. I think you are doing the right thing. He is not the right person for you. Be strong and believe with all your heart that there is someone out there for you who you can love freely, without the heartache you have now. Let him go. Let him rebuild a loving and passionate relationship with his wife. It can happen, and you'll both be better people when it does. My heart is with your struggle.