Even after all the denials, ever after I have confronted the OW, told her she is a b****, even after I threatened to leave him, even after we had a fist fight, a word fight and ever after all the promises he has made me, I am 95% positive he is still seeing her. HOW DO I KNOW? 1. When she left our employment she asked the new employer to have the same day off as my husband so she could continue the affair while I am at work.<BR>2. He is very defensive when I bring up the affair and does not me to ever bring up her name again.<BR>3. I counted the money in his pocket yesterday, MOnday, his day off and he came home with $200.00 unaccounted for. <BR>4. He needs to meet at motels now because I have been staking her house (I confronted her near her house....so they think I am capable of anything)<BR>5. He does need to buy her gifts here and there, after all, he needs to keep her happy in other ways too, it doesn't look good if its all sexual, does it?<BR>6. I can see his lies on his face, now that I know he is a liar its harder for him to lie to me.<BR>7. He is beginning to disgust me.<BR>8. I don't know if I want to stay married to a cheater the rest of my life, I am only 40 years old.<BR>9. WHY SHOULD I CONTINUE TO TAKE IN LIES, I ALREADY HAD 20 YEARS OF THOSE. I HAVE HAD IT. HE SHOULD GO LIVE WITH HER....THE GRASS SEEMS TO BE GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE.

I am so sorry you are hurting. But remember to not make any major decisions while in this frame of mind. And be positive that you have proof before you leave or do a Plan B. It is obvious that they are going to continue to deny it until you have actual proof.

Sad,<P> You need to be careful that this doesn't eat you alive. I know, believe me I know that is hard not to do, but it is important for you, your health and sanity.<P> I was as obsessed as you were There were a few times I went looking. There was a time I took a 16 gage shootgun along with me. I wasn't sure who the shootgun was for but I sure wanted to use it. None of these feelings or actions ever helped. I almost think they only serve to hold you down. I wish I could tell you how to stop the pain, I wish a pill was made that could make everything right but there isn't.<P> Try and let go of some of this pain. <P>I'll be praying for you

Sadforever, don't let your sign-on name become your permanent name. The question is do you want to continue to live this way? Have you exhausted all methods of marriage counseling, therapy, rebuilding? If so, ask yourself if it is time to let go and start rebuilding your life. You cannot control his or OW behavior, but you can take care of your own. If you are spending time in grief, anger and frustration, it's only hurting you. It's time to rethink your priorities and find out who really is important here. If you have children still at home, they will need you more. It is time for me to leave work, so I apologize that I can not spend more time with you. But, you are in my thoughts and prayers. It's time to get the weight of pain off your back and start healing yourself and children(if you have). You are an important and special person - remember that!

Thank you to all for your replies. I am trying to hang in there. I am doing something for myself, taking two college courses (I love my classes, my brain gets away from the husband, the kids, the problems). Last semester I was forced to quit two classes because I just found out about him and OW. I cried every time I went to class, it was pathetic and I looked like a truck just hit me. I missed my classes and I decided that they are not going to make me stop doing what I enjoy. As one of you said,I need to stop doing this to myself because I cannot control what he and OW are doing.....he keeps denying....but he is a liar....and when I confronted OW one day 3 weeks ago....she never said that anything was going on.....but said "we are just friends" and "do you see your husband's car here?" and "why don't you hire a detective" did not satisfy me one bit.....especially the "we are just friends" which clearly tells me its not over.....but every bad person gets their just due.....my husband and her will get theirs, some day.....