Caught H in more lies last night while trying to have an honest conversation with him last night. HA! that's a joke an honest conversation with a man that is absolutely incapable of telling the truth. After I got upset he threw in my face that THAT was why he lied before because telling the truth only got him in trouble. I told him no, your lieing is what gets me mad, answer the questions truthfully the first time & no matter how painful the truth is, it beats having you continue to lie to me for weeks before finally admitting it. How in the world am I supposed to get myself to a place where I can start to trust him again when H refuses to be open & honest?<P>This piled on top of the fact that it is now less than 24 hours before I come face to face with OW..... I had to restrain myself from contacting a lawyer... I am getting closer & closer to that with every lie. I was so upset that I only slept for a couple hours & I feel today the same way I did the day I discovered the affair... out of control emotionally, depressed, and feeling like my heart has been ripped out all over again. I don't know if I should go thru with seeing OW tomorrow if I can't get my [censored] together. The last thing I need is for her to see what a wreck I am. <P>Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.... thanks in advance.

Take a deep breath. You cannot control your H behavior, or his lying...it is terrible to be lied to repeatedly, isn't it? <P>Why are you seeing the OW tomorrow...I don't think I've seen your previous posts...<P>Another deep breath. You are going to be ok...<P>Kathi<P>

Claire: How are you doing this evening? I hope things have calmed down for you.<P>I, too, don't remember seeing why you are going to see OW. Are you sure you want to?<P>I know how it feels when you find new lies. It isn't fun. Try to remember that your H is going through a really tough time in his own way with withdrawal from the affair. Not that I'm making excuses for him! Just trying to give you a handle (maybe) on why he is doing what he is doing.<P>Stay strong, Claire. You can do this. --HBC

Taking lots of deep breathes this am... <P>OW is next door neighbor/friend of a good friend of mine. Today is my friend's twin's birthday party & OW will be there. Took advice from other posts & decided to attend in spite of her being there. But now I am having panic attack over the thought of being in the same room as her. I have not seen her since discovery. I made plans to go out for a quiet evening with H after party (thanks to SweetPea for the idea!) and plan on talking about it when she is within earshot. I just need to stop shaking long enough to get myself off to the mall. (decided to buy "killer" outfit for today) I have lost almost 30 lbs since all of this started and nothing fits anymore. On the bright side I suppose I have them to thank for finally getting rid of those baby pounds from my 5 year old. At least something good came out of all of this. (trying to find anything positive to keep my spirits up today) Sorry for rambling thru this post. <P>Will let you know if I survive today...<P>taking deep breathes.....

claire<P> I put a post the other day called<P>Words of Wisdom<P> Read it there are some good ones in there.<P> Now they may be nice to read and a wonder thought but I've tried to live by them. I keep them posted all around me. Has it helped???? usually but I ran into the OM and got in the first fight I have had in 25 YEARS!!!!!<P> It is not easy to deal with. My heart may have been run thru the grinder like yours but it still goes out to you. The others were on the right track, Take a deep breath and then take another slow deep breath. You can't control you husband but you can control yourself. Work on yourself, try not to let this defeat you.<P> When all else falls antidepressants worked for me. I couldn't take it any more and my mind was killing any chance of me reuilding my marriage.<P>Good Luck<BR>Joe<BR>