Before I met my second H, I went on exactly two dates with a guy who said he would have a hard time being married to a woman who made more money than him. I never went out with him again.<P>I really don't understand the breadwinner thing. I suppose alot of women would find that attractive and maybe even give them a sense of security. For me, it felt like a power thing and is a big turn-off. Having a man take care of me financially doesn't give me the warm fuzzies. It makes ME feel weak and needy.<P>I suppose alot of guys may not feel like they are contributing to the family if they are not the breadwinner, and other things, like taking care of the children, etc. aren't considered manly.

That's how I feel about the breadwinner thing too - my parents raised me to be strong and independent - I thought that is what attracted my husband to me - it is the opposite of the rest of his family - and something he seemed to always despise - but old habits do die hard - and he can't seem to break the brainwashing his family gave him about marriage - .. <P>He was ok when we were dating, but right after we got married - He was supposed to the 'MAN' and I was supposed to the 'wife' - if you know what I mean.<P>Short story.... ex.<P>My mom was in a serious accident and I had to go to CA because she wasn't expected to live - I didn't know what I would find when the doctors were so pessimistic. My husband got upset - worried that I wouldn't come back - he called his mom and her advice to him was - 'BE FIRM WITH HER - YOU JUST TELL HER SHE HAS TO COME HOME NOW!!!!"<P>Give me a frickin' break. My mom had almost died and by the miracle of GOD - was given another chance because it wasn't her time and instead of telling him to support me during this difficult time - she's tells him to 'be firm with me' - good advice. It caused a major rift in our relationship - one we still work on today. <P>The kid thing is another interesting dynamic in his family - when we were trying to have children - my 'wise' sister - in - law pulled me aside and advised me that ' you know - Steve won't want anything to do with the kid until it is much older, so you better just get used to the idea that you will be the soul person responsible for the first few years' - and my husband and I BOTH wanted a family - I asked my husband if that was true - if she was right, because I always thought of kids being a joint effort - silly me - according to my sister - in - law....

Getting better <P>I will look for your post!<P>WE can do this! I know there will be many bumps in the road but we can do it!<P>" I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me"

Mercy<P> I love the quote<P>" I can do all things through HIM who <BR>strengthens me"<P> For me it's a keeper Thanks<P> It turns out you have been already responsing to the guy I was telling you about. He is need of a better understanding of what is going on in his wife's head. His username is CAJ1 and he has a post asking for your opinion called "Should I ask about the the OP ...".<P> I won't go to much into detail if he wants to that he can but I have talked to him and from what I see everything is going as "Normal" for a marriage on the right track to healing but coming from the same side of the fence as him I can paraphase it in english as he is in He!! but has found the way out. <P> I listen to him and we've exchanged posts and I really need to get the two of you together. I can tell him about my wife, I can tell him about what I've read, I can be someone to bounce ideas off BUT I can not put myself in his wifes place. <P> Thank you in advance, it means a lot to me.<P>Joe<P>P.S. Like I said my wife is overwhelmed right now with her panic disorder, depression and last night it looks like her current dosage of meds is to high (it's been at this level for 2 years). The doctor has finally convinced her to take a few weeks off and go visit her mother (THANK YO GOD!@!!!!). It took a lot of pushing but I basicly wouldn't let her back out. <P> Anyways, I am still hanging out here and trying to put myself up. I have to struggle to "Play" to proper role and this is due to my despression. I know what my real feelings are but this thing is a lead weight that you tried of carring. My point is this and I hope you don't come across it.<P> There are times that strengthing someone else is more then is possible. It has NOTHING to do with what your true feelings are. My wife has "Nothing left to give" and I understand that. I am dealing with my own and the lack of her support only holds me down. The result is a false weaking of the marriage the difference with us is that we see the cause and understand.<P>THANK YOU<BR>Joe<P><BR>

For those wondering about the bread winner thing let me explain how I feel.<P> First, My wife does have her own business and I would love to see her become successful. I would love to see her make twice what I do.<P> Second, Even is she made $500,000/year and I was the child provide if the family fell on hard times I feel it is up to me to rescue it. It is up to me to defend it. The resposiblity of the success of the family is my problem. If I have some problem someplace I was raise to deal with it myself (This I have changed, now I talked about then do it myself).<P>Does this help ????<BR>Joe<BR>

Ok, I'm female, but thought I'd let ou know what my H put on his EN questionnaire:<P>His.<BR>1) Affection<BR>2) Conversation<BR>3) Sexual fulfillment<BR>4) Family commitment<BR>5) Recreational companionship<P>I do not know why he put conversation as #2, as he rarely seems to want to talk a lot...I think at the time we filled out the q'aires, we were not very happy & talking very, very little, so it might have "inflated" its importance a bit.<P>Mine were Affection, Honesty/openesss, Family Commitment, Sexual fulfillment & conversation...

Getting_better,<BR>Wow, change the gender roles around and you could be me. My H is the 100% all the time TAKER, and I am the GIVER - all the time.<P>HERE'S WHAT I DO<BR>-- Wash - all<BR>-- ALL the housework, <BR>-- Most of the yardwork<BR>-- Cook Dinner, Feed the kid and give h his dinner, warm, right out of oven, when he happens to come home, bake special desserts for him often<BR>-- I do 100% of the laundry <BR>-- It is my responiblity for keeping up with the shopping - groceries or anything else<BR>-- I do the all bills<BR>-- I take care of the animals (son helps)<BR>-- I give him a backrub or foot rub every night (haven't gotten one in return yet)<BR>-- I work about 45 - 50 hours a week<BR>-- H works full time also (50 - 60 hrs per week)<P>I would give just about ANYTHING for some affection and attention from my H. I feel like my little dog, who begs with pleading eyes under the table for just a few crumbs during dinner. Needless to say my #2 need is Affection, #1 is Honesty. Those two were pretty much a tie.<P>I fully understand the resentment you feel.

Alcoholic's Wife<P> I don't suffer from resentment but I do suffer from being self centered. I think it is fustration that is out of control. My wife has her hands full just getting thru the day. Before the panic disorder she was completely different and I WASTED it. She is going to take a two week vacation by herself back to Buffalo (Family) hopefully this will help her to get the R & R she needs and maybe I'll get a grip before I screw it up again.<P> Since were on the basic subject of sex, I notice that the lack of it and knowing I'm going no where I tend to justify it in my head. I will "Dream" up these reasons why it would be no good, why bother .... Maybe this knowledge may help someone.<P>Joe<BR>