I hate to be so negative and gloomy. I keep waiting for the fog to lift and for some sunshine to peek in to my sorry life. I blame myself for putting up with so much garbage for so long and not doing anything about it. I made a megga mistake and turned to someone else, who in the end, deserted me. Now, I am in the process of a nasty divorce, have two very upset children, and absoulutely no idea what the future holds. I use to be a fun happy person. I haven't had a single day since February that I haven't been in tears for part of the day. I just hate it and want it to go away. Anyway, I am just feeling pretty low and very alone right now. This is not where I had visioned myself to be at this time of my life. I am pathetic and so weak, and I despise it.

{{{{{{{{{{{{Lonelysoul}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>You will be OK...you are just in a cr*ppy stretch of your life right now, and the only way to get to the good stuff is to slog your way through (rescue helicopters only come pull you out in those action-adventure movies). <P>It will get better. You will get to a good point again, be a fun happy person again. <P>Do something nice for yourself this weekend. If you feel "hopeless" about the future, talk to your doctor...extended hopeless feelings can be a sign that the grief and pain you are in have triggered a depression episode.<P>You've been through a lot, and you aren't quite to the shore yet...but you will get there.<P>Hugs--<BR>Kathi

LS,<P>(((((((((((LS)))))))))))))))<P>If I were there I would hug ya big! That is what I say to my dad. LOL!! <BR>I know this is hard baby! I couldnt imagine withdrawal and the D. I would be nuts!<BR>You may want to talk to your DR. I had to get med as well. <BR>It will get better. Focus on the kids. They are your world now. As for the OM, they are all alike. USELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>By the way! My name is Loopy Hamster Fanny. The OM name is LOSER SATAN JERK!!!!!!<BR>That is the same name as your OM. LOL!<BR>I just wanted ya to laugh. <BR>Im here if you need me. <BR>Renee

I posted part of this to you in one of inamess's posts...so I am copying it here and adding some things...<P>Lonelysoul.... you are not the only one to have fallen off the wagon and we do understand.... Hang in there! Time will help you heal... and that is the hardest thing... <P>One day at a time girl! Respect yourself! Be patient and stubborn and don't let him know that you are thinking of him.... that is what will get to him more than anything... him thinking you don't care... so try... very hard to let it go... (I know that it isn't easy!! I really do!)<P>I understand how EXTREMELY HARD this is for you... I went through it myself (and still do). I had to go off by myself and cry... and then come out looking normal to everyone. And that was difficult because my H does not know of the affair. I am dealing with this myself and with the help of others here....<P>I wallowed in my sadness... every single day...until I thought I would go insane! Woman.... I finally realized that it was either turn it around... or let it devour me.... And so... instead of going off and crying by myself.. I focused on the children... my H... the house... other interests...<P>I had to rid myself of the negativity and replace it with positive things.... I had to keep busy and work very hard to keep him and my mistake off my mind... (The Xanax helped alot too!)<P>Is there ANY hope at all of you working things out with your H? Can things be slowed down just a bit? <P>Please know that you are not pathetic... and everyone has weaknesses... don't be so hard on yourself. Once you lighten up on yourself, you can focus on improving the rest.... <P>If I can be of any help to you at all.. please let me know....<P>Hugs and prayers to you.....<BR>

Lonelysoul,<P>I know just the feeling. I am the betrayer and my W has just filed for divorce after almost 6 months of separation. Early on, when the pain of separation seemed too intense to bare, the Lord revealed to me that His pain over my separation with Him and potential eternal separation was like the pain I was experiencing. He told me that He loves me, that His forgiveness is mine and that the most important reconciliation is my relationship with Him.<P>In the moments that I have experienced the most significant pain, I know I have felt His most significant grace. His grace has proven to be truly sufficient enough for me to get through litterally minutes at time sometimes.<P>Please know that God loves you and He cares for you and He can comfort us, if we allow Him too.<P>Proverbs 3:5 & 6 says " Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. "<P>You might enjoy reading Psalm 51.<P>God bless you,<P>Repenting