H admitted to an affair with a "friend" 14 yrs his junior (she's 21) one month ago. I had suspected for over 6 months, it probably began 6 weeks after the birth of our only child, our marriage had been such a mess. I suspected it was an emotional affair because I could see OW was meeting his emotional needs but never thought he would be sexually unfaithful. H denied it and without proof, I belived all his lies. H was very convincing. H left home 6 months ago to "clear his head" and his inaction, unwillingness to breakoff their friendship and refusal to do anything to try build our marriage resulted in my decision to file for divorce 2 months ago. H came to me then and asked me to reconsider, he would do anything it took to rebuild, he would even break off his "friendship" because he "realized" it was causing him confusion. I trusted him but within one week I knew it was a sham. We still continued to "try" even though the divorce was in process. According to H, OW told him they were expecting a child a few days after he told her it was over and one month later, H confessed the affair to me. Its been one month since he confessed. I had been using love busters our entire marriage so am not surprised we are where we are. I have had a true heart change in the last few days and am taking a good look at me and at him and have been truly repenting to God for my actions in our marriage. I am seeing my contributions to our problems in our marriage for the first time in our 8 year relationship and can finally see my role to the horrible state our marriage is in. I have begun to be gut level honest with him about me and am not focusing on his affair but on fixing my "baggage". What will help me share with him my emotional pain and hopefully cause true repentance to occur? H seems to be responding to me but I know he still sees her. He knows she is very immature and says sometimes he wishes she would dissapear but I know she has filled a gaping hole in his life and sometimes he thinks he loves her. H said he knows he loves me and does not want me to disappear. H is not being totally honest with me about the details of the affair or his continuing role with OW and but is making baby step attempts. Help. I just need helpful hints and ideas and real input. Thanks, Kris

Kris,<P>I can't offer advice but I know there are a few people here who have dealt with the OW becoming pregnant and having a child. <P>I just wanted to say welcome to MB. I'm sorry you are in the situation but I'm glad you found us. There are so many compassionate people here who are willing to support and help as much as they can.<P>We even offer (((((HUGS)))))!!<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Dear Sad: I don't have much advice for you here, but I do want to commend you for admitting your faults as well. No I am not saying that what he did was right or being unfaithful is right. I am saying that for years, my spouse would not admit the negativity he contributed to the marriage had damaged our relationship. Now, after nearly destroying ourselves, we both admitted where we went wrong. You have made a good start by recognizing the problems and taking steps to trying rebuild your relationship. However, until he(your husband) is willing to make a complete effort and commitment to rebuild your marriage, you maybe doing this on your own. You may need to just concentrate on yourself and well being right now. Now there is another person who will be caught up in situation through no fault of their own. I know well what it's like to be a fling kid, I am one. For years, I had been blamed in so many ways for the actions of my parents. All I ask of you is even if you never want to see the child(and I can understand that), don't take it out on him/her. Other than that, just take care of your mental and physical health. You are important and do not need to be dragged down because of your husbands indecisions. Take care.

SISL:<P>I am so sorry you are here, however, I believe God brought you here for comfort, support, advice and understanding. It is remarkable you are so willing to admit the wrongs you committed in your marraige and I commend you for taking that responsibility. <P>I am one of the women here on the forum who is married to a man who fathered a child with the OW (16 years younger than he) <P>The child was born in August, however, my husband has not had contact with the OW since January 1999, and will not have a relationship with either the OW or the OC. He will pay support and that will be the extent of the contact.<P>I hope the OW in your life will give the child up for adoption to a good two-parent household and spare the child of living a life without a father and having the stigma of being a child produced from an affair. It would be the kindest, most loving thing this woman could do. It would also provide an opportunity for you and your husband to put this horrible chapter behind you and focus on your marriage and on each other.<P>Your first responsibility is to each other, to your marriage and to your children.<P>There are several here who are in your position and you'll probably be hearing from them soon...Jenny, Audrey, and some others. They will have good advise as they are wise and kind. <P>I send you prayers.<P>Catnip =^^=

Thank you all for your encouraging words and support. I am learning that my situation is not unique and I am greatful for any input I can get. H told me a few weeks ago that OW is begging him to not leave her and that she will do anything to keep him. H feels obligated to her and has not yet broken the affair. I believe God has given me the dream that our marrige can be what we had both hoped, that its not just wistful thinking. God is and has been so faithful to me through all my problems. My goal now is to show H love and kindness while not expecting anything in return and to not use LB to do anymore damage. I do not know how long I can do this but I know I owe it to God, myself, H and child to do all that I can because otherwise I will always wonder if we could have salvaged it. I just pray that H sees me in a new light and choses to try for real. Im hoping and praying he will opt for a 60 day trial, where he temporarily breaks it off with her, comes home and we concentrate on building a friendship with no guarantees where we will be at the end of the 60 days. If anyone has advice or anything to share about this, please let me know. Thanks for your care, support and prayers.

SISL,<BR>I am another one who is recovering not only from my H's infidelity but from the resulting child. The OC was born last August, one day after my birthday. It has been a long and difficult road, but my H and I are doing well in our recovery. I believe that you are doing the only thing that you can right now by Plan A'ing your H. We are here if you need to talk or vent. <P>Take care,<BR>Audrey

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