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Joined: Nov 1999
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It was the "wonderful" visitation tonight with the girls dad. YUK I am about to blow a gasket. If I was a violent person I think that I would be searching for a 2x4 right now.<P>What the heck is he doing? The girls have not been doing good in school. I can't say that they are not trying....they study...do their homework (when they get some) and understand the importance of their education. Well he picked up their mid-term grades or the school sent them to him...anyways.....he repeatedly tells the girls how stupid they are. He actually tells them they are stupid and laughs at them. When they start crying....he says...well whats wrong...the truth hurt? <P>He tells our oldest that her mind is as "twisted" as her moms. He pulls off the side of the highway and screams at them and tells them to make sure they go home and tell their mom everything, make sure they tell their counselors...tell anyone you want because no one believes you. Then as he pulls in the driveway, he says....."remember girls....I love you with all of my heart".<P><BR>Is this man warped or what?<P><BR>Nancy

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Nancy,<BR> Is there any chance that your H is lurking here, or did your girls maybe tell him that they were going to tell their counselors and others about his abuse?<P> I personally think that I would quit being so danged nice to him and light into him....with a tape recorder in my pocket. I'd get his abuse on tape anyway I could! Better check out the laws in your state, though, if you do tape him...while it's supposed to be generally safe to videotape somebody, most states have laws against recording coversations. But, I don't think I'd care in a case such as yours.<BR>

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Since I do not talk with him anymore.....I can't get a taped conversation of him. I feel bad.....but I stopped talking to him "personally" a long time ago because he thought it was ok for him to emotionally and verbally abuse me. <P>I do have tapes of him talking to the girls. He was nasty and abusive in the ones I have. I do not have a bunch because the girls literally refuse to talk to him. But what I do have is enough to make anyones hair stand on end. Although the custody evaluator heard these tapes...she did not find anything too horrible because she feels he is justified in his actions because he frustrated with the way things are going between him and the girls and also with the divorce.<P>I probably could really get him if I would talk with him.....and I hope he does call because it may be the straw that breaks the camels back.<P>Thank you for your input.<P>Nancy

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Maybe you should keep the girls away for awhile. I don't know alot about your situation but your H 's abuse is ridiculious.Has he always been this way? Maybe some way you could bug his house or car.You can a voice activated tape recorder and have one of the girls <BR>put it in her bookbag or purse. Just an idea<P>Take Care<P>Reina

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Nancy...<P>Good to hear from you again...<P>...I wish it could be through better posts...but good just the same! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Vent away sister...<P>...and I too say... keep those tape recorders around...<BR>...the shear volume of them will have to be heard by someone <B>responsible</B> one day!<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim

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This continues to outrage me.... He is "mentally ill" and the custody elevator has their head so far up they can't see light let alone listen to an audio tape and know what is going on...<P>Document everything! Give your girls each a diary of their own and encourage them to go off by theirselves and write in it each night... Don't tell them what to write... just tell them to get their frustrations out in their diary.<P>Also, I wonder along with sweetpea when asked if perhaps he might be lurking here? That would always keep him a step ahead of you...<P>I think you need to keep the girls out of what ever you do with a tape recorder. If he found it on them... I shudder to think of what he might do! <P>I think the only way to fight him back is with video... but that... is extremely risky unless you hired a PI or something. What a mess...<P>Praying for your girls and You!<P>

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Nancy,<BR> Is there any possibility that you could go to the restaurant and find a witness to your H kicking your daughter? Maybe a waiter or waitress heard or saw his abuse.

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Nancy, Nancy, Nancy<P>I'm soooo sorry that your girls have to be exposed to this type of treatment. And then the court wonder why good honest people like yourself lose faith in the judicial system. <P>He will get his Nancy, he will. I firmly believe in what comes around goes around. He needs some serious help! Wharped or What you asked....I think that's putting it lightly! He's out of his freakin mind!<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

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I shoulda, coulda,,,,I could kick myself in the butt for not going over to that restaraunt the night it happened. I was comforting them and was so hurt and angry over his actions that all I could think about was the girls and their feelings. <P>I wished I could afford a PI....believe me I have thought about it. I agree the wire "tapping" stuff is way too risky......if he found it or any kind of "stuff" the kids would pay. <P>The PI sounds like the only alternative.....yet he can't see and hear what goes on behind closed doors....but if I could have one piece of evidence....I think....well know....that it would change everything.<P>I believe that those tapes should prove a lot. If he can talk to his children ....on a phone.....knowing that I could be taping it....like the way he does....can you imagine what happens in his apartment.<P>The girls said he was screaming so loud at them last night.<P>A lot of his rage comes from the fact that we are not at home to always recieve his calls. That frustrates him so much. He can't stand it that we go places...actually have fun...without him. It is control.....he expects us to wait for his call. <P>He is still driving by the house...neighbors saw him last week.<P>We have a contempt of court hearing on May 11th. My attorney can't believe he wants to go. If he would just pay what is court ordered...this could all be avoided. He is excited.....he is all pumped up. Said to the girls he can't wait......then the judge will see just what your mom is all about. I pray the opposite happens.<P><BR>Nancy

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Again<BR>Going back to the abuse counseling for the kids. This will be your documentation. You do not need to be present during the counseling, and can't be accused of it being coerced. Call your lawyer and find out what is preventing them from having the abuse counseling. Also, your girls should be reassured to tell their teacher or principal if they are suffering abuse during visitation. Any physical signs of abuse whatsoever - you take those girls to the hospital emergency room for documentation. The hospital is not going to call your stbx and ask for his side of the story. And, if the principal does, after they have been contacted by your attorney - they are crossing the line in a big way.<P>Do this, do not procrastinate any longer.<P>What are you paying your attorney for, only court visits? NO STRATEGY and a way to get documented EVIDENCE.<P>TNT

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TNT,<BR>The girls went and saw their counselor on Tuesday.....she is also the facilitator of the domestic violence group. She is a childhood survivor of domestic violence....they have another appointment next Tuesday.<P>I had called the school Wed. night to leave a msg that the girls needed to talk to the school counselor ASAP. I got a call this morning that the counselor was not in today. So no one would talk to them. I recorded the conversation...not only to protect myself...but also to show that I asked for the children to get help...but no one took it seriously.<P>I am still in "that" mood and am very mad. I found out today...from that friend that works with him that he had "law suit" type papers on his desk at work and that he told someone that he is filing a lawsuit against me. I guess because I wouldn't let him have his girls last Wed. He has another thing coming though...I taped the conversation...so he will be found out to be a big liar. I can't wait.<P>Nancy

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How much would a PI cost? Maybe we can take up a collection. I know I would contribute ALOT!!!! I'm sorry mental, but what is WRONG with your H? Why can the girls not have their day in court. Haven't there been a few cases where children "divorced" a parent?? I actually hated that when I heard about it, but after reading many of your posts I am inclined to think it is better for the girls!!!<P>His responses are so interesting. My H, when this first started, was similar,though not quite as severe.<P>He seemed soooooooooooo disappointed in the kids. The OP's H tells me that his wife (OP) said my H has "really high standards". We apparently didn't measure up. The Op was worried that she wouldn't either.<P>Now, this is really bizaar for my H. I do not know what happened to him. He just went on that business trip with her and snapped.<P>But it was eerie to read about your H's remarks to your d's re" their grades. <P>I think it reflects a personality disorder. Kind of like Narcissism. Some event that caused your H's confidence to be lessened might have contributed. Or maybe it is just long term and insidious.<P>Anyway, I am truly sorry for you and the girls. My heart breaks for them. What lessons can there possibley be for them>>

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This counselor the girls are seeing is required to report abuse by law to CPS - she has credibility. Why hasn't she done this? Haven't the girls told her?<P>Also, the girls don't need you to call their teacher or counselor or principle - all they need to do is tell their teacher, counselor or principle of the abuse, and by law - they are mandatory reporters. They must tell.<P>Your lawyer should be contacted and told that your stbx has slandered you to the school officials. He needs to take ACTION on this.<P>TNT

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Tonight is his visitation. He came to pick them up and the girls begged not to go. He was happy to let them stay.<P>But what is so funny....he was showing them his teeth. He had a all of his fillings removed and had "white" ones put in. He had his bottom teeth filed down and had veneers put on them. Now they are white and straight and the chips are gone. <P>Of course if you remember from earlier posts....he now goes to my dentist. All this from this wonderful man that has "no" money and tells the girls their mom has it all. He can't feed them on his Wed. visitations because of no money.....but can spend over 200.00 on one daughters b-day.<P>He makes me sick....Mr. Abuser.....he only cares about himself. <P>He must be lacking mega self-esteem, the stud is really trying to up himself.<P>Nancy

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I just gor back from shopping with the girls. Our oldest (10) started to cry....when asked why....she was so sad because her dad calls her bucky beaver all the time and tells her that she will never find a boyfriend and he goes and gets his teeth all fixed up. <P>I had talked to him about her getting braces many times....but was always told....that he will not pay for a damn thing....that it is "my" responsibility. Then he goes and does this.<P>He is evil.....selfish...abusive and an out and out pig. I hope that he is out drinking tonight and he "chips" his "new" teeth with a beer bottle.<P>Sorry to be so spiteful...but......<P>Nancy

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Ugggghh!!!!!!!! <P>SIMPLY AMAZING............

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TNT,<P>You said it!<P>I hope it is true.....What goes around....comes around. Because if it is...he has alot coming.<P>Nancy

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He showed the girls his "new" apartment he is getting. It is about 1 minute from OW job and about 4 minutes from her house. He also claims he doesn't even talk to her. Now he can sit outside and watch her drive back and forth.<P>He really must be making the money now.....these are new apartments and very expensive.<P>Nancy<P>But still can't afford child support


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