Hi everyone,<P>H THINKS that he can see boys several times a day.He wants to take son to school,and pick him up.Come over to the house when I work evenings and make dinner for the boys.He thinks he is going to have access to the house,come in and out as he pleases.Will I have access to his apartment? <P> H thinks he can have all the benefits of being married,and live in an apartment and have his fling too.<P>I seriously want to mail this letter(below).<BR>Dont forget that OW will recieve copy too.PLease advise.bethn<P>My Dear Dave,<P><BR> I love you and I am committed to our marriage of 19 years. <BR> I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that led you to date and correspond with other women. I foolishly and selfishly pursued my education, while neglecting your emotional needs. I was not there when you needed me. And now we suffering for my mistake.<BR> I have made changes to meet your emotional needs. I gave up R.N school to let you know that our relationship is the most important goal in my life. I spent time with you ,just being your friend. I have lost 32 pounds ,and have been exercising. I have made time to share recreational activities that I thought you would enjoy. I have become more willing to fulfill your sexual needs. I have made sure the house was cleaner, picked up ,and began to cook more meals.<BR> I am willing to continue making changes in my life to create a new life that will meet your needs. I can not do that until you end your relationships with J----- , M-----, and all other women once and for all.<BR> Until then I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. Arrangements will be made for you to visit the kids whenever you would like to. But I will not be home while you visit. If you want to communicate about the kids , or any other matter it will have to be through your sister Barb.<BR> I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you in this way. You must know the emotional pain I have endured because of your relationship with J-----, M-----, and other women, and I simply cannot be with you any longer. I still love you ,but I cannot see you under those conditions. <BR> As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from J-----, M------, and other women, and are willing to follow measures to ensure a total separation, I will be able to discuss our future together. <BR> I want to rebuild our marriage someday .I want us to be able to meet each others emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do will make us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend ,and to be there for you when you need me. And I want you as a best friend.<BR> I loved you when we married and continue to love you today. I just cannot be with you as long as your relationship continues with J-----, M-------, and other women. <BR> With my love, <BR> Beth<P><BR>ps he took all the blank checks out of the house the other day,he told my mom he was just picking up more clothes.<BR>He didnt ,just got checks.( mom was home at the time)Dont really want him in the house,whAT WILL HE TAKE NEXT?<BR>

Beth...<P>A very good letter...<BR>I see you've used some of <B>K</B>'s advice on being more specific about how you've improved yourself... and that's good...<BR>...but... without LB-ig try to include just a general statement of H's not meeting <B>your needs</B> too... nothing too specific... you don't want to LB.<P>Other than that... it's great! <P>You were wise to seek out the advice of experts like <B>K</B> and <B>Bill</B>.<P>When do you think you'll give it to your H?<P>...be ready for any possible reaction from him...<BR>There is never a "standard" reaction you can count on from a Plan B letter.<P>You have my prayers...<BR>...and many of them... <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited May 05, 2000).]

Hi JIm,<P>I just responded to your post.I go back and forth it seems like everyday, from being angry and wanting to do plan b out of spite, to calming down and believing i can do plan A.<P><BR>I have another month before OW gets here from out of state.Ifeel like if I emailed her planB letter mabe she would think twice.(She would learn there is another besides her.)bethn

Beth,<P>Like I said earlier...<BR>...you never know the impact of a Plan B letter.<P>It may scare off OW...<BR>It may expedite her arrival... and make her relieved that you're no longer in <B>their</B> way...<P>It's a tough call.<P>------------------------------------------<P>Thanks for your reply to my "Joy" post...<BR>yes... the OM is evil...<BR>...there is nothing else one can call a person to flagrantly breaks up a marriage and family... and then (for selfish reasons) convinces W to limit time with her own children...<P>I am praying for you... <BR>...always... <P>Jim