Have I ever blown it. Here I am shaking like a leaf. I'm so hurt and angry with my husband for still trying to deceive me. He went out to pick up something and didn't want me to come. You know why? Because he is going to call the ow. Can't have the wife along for that. So what do I do? I snoop! Found several love letters she wrote him and that where he was staying was set up by her father and where she works. Now what? I had found a very sensual love poem she wrote him once before. I don't like this side of me because now I feel worse. supposedly he is home to decide. He won't let me touch him or get close. I think they are planning to move in together next week. I tried to tell him that I needed honesty above all else and to please let me know what is happening. I was calm. I guess this snooping is normal but it certainly isn't bring out the best side of me and I really have to stop it. any advice?

Noel:<P>Here's the advice that I tell everyone. After the affair has been "outed", stop the snooping. Because its not helping you or your marriage.<P>Of course, I learned this advice the hard way...

hi Noel<P>Try as hard as you can not to snoop - it only drives you insane, keeps you focused on the affair and usually results in not finding bugger-all.<P>Good luck! And like K, I learned this the hard way too.

Thanks K .I appreciate you answering so soon. I'm afraid I'm really am a mess today. How do I compete with someone fifteen years younger who left her h for mine? She wants my h to help raise her daughter now. I just can't stand this anxiety and waiting. I'm afraid I'm going to blow all the work I've done with plan A. Actually, if he's leaving, maybe planA has't been working. I think I had better get busy and do something and ask God to forgive me and to please help me get through this day.

Thanks Cristalle, My h and I love NYC we had our honeymoon there. We used to go on our anniversaries. I really have to listen to all the advice because I know it is right. I snooped and now I feel terrible about myself and about his affair.

Noel,<P>Plan A very often works as a setup for Plan B (the separation). And you'll always feel like a failure in Plan A if your spouse doesn't respond by dumping the OP. But trust me---you're not failing. Very often, the affair ends after the plan B separation injects a dose of reality into their relationship. And then your husband will remember what a loving wife he left---and what an a$$ he was---and he'll come back ready to work on the marriage. <P>You're not quite there yet, so continue with the plan A efforts. How do you compete with someone 15 years younger???---let him spend an entire week with her!! She seems very needy, and the higher the expectations of this fantasy relationship, the bigger the fall.<P>Stay well, and take care of yourself.