For the first time in our three and a half year marriage, i really believe my husband is being honest with me. Sometimes it can be painful, and i'll admit i LB pretty bad, but it is a million times better than lying.<BR>The problem is, he is demanding full trust right now, while claiming that the last contact he had with OW was on sunday. (I believe him when he says that it was only emotional for about a year now). He said to me yesterday that he has an "obligation" on saturday night, but will not tell me what it is. I would not be mad at him if it were with OW, because i trust him, for the most part. BUT, he won't tell me, and says that i need to trust him, or we can't work things out. i told him he needs to be completely accountable to me for at least a while, then i would trust him again. we keep going around and around on the issue.<BR>can someone help me understand how i can make him understand that this is important?<BR>thanks, i really need the help. <BR>

LWS,<P>I would demand accountablility but that is me. If he wants the relationship than he needs to prove it. Trust is earned not given away for free.<P>

Just a thought but a positive one...<P>Is it possible that he might be planning something for you? Something that you can't know about quite yet? A surprise? <P>Just hoping for the best for you...<P>

I'm wondering....when your H says that he has an "obligation," does that mean he will be going somewhere without you and won't let you know where he will be?

LWB,<P>Tricky tricky tricky situation you are in..... yuck. don't wanna be there!<P>But, think about trust... You can control the trust from your end. You can't control his trustworthiness... <P>Think about that -<P>You control whether or not you trust. It is up to him to be trustworthy.<P>

Trustntruth, <P>That is a good statement. I have been trying to build my trust in my h even though I am not sure he deserves it yet. You are right though, it is up to him to be trustworthy.<P>MEN! That is all I can say otherwise!<P>Woozy

If you want to look on the small bright side - at least he isn't lying (look monen spelled it right!) I suppose that is progress. He is saying obligation instead of 'I'll be spending 4 hours at the store'.<P>And hey don't blame just the men for being untrustworthy.

I wondered about the possibility of a surprise too. If you can't let it go completely, how about asking if he will tell you at a later date? A week, a month, whatever seems right.

Hi LWB,<P>I believe that honesty is so crucial ,if it is a surprise for you, is there some way he can tell you without fulling telling you? Otherwise, he should not be keeping ANYTHING from you..... LU

funny how no betrayers (not necessarily men) responded <BR>i thought about maybe it's a surprise for me, but he has been pretty bad about keeping GOOD secrets from me. on the other hand he is a jewel for mother's day every year, so it's hard to tell.<BR>thanks to you all for your input <BR>i think i will go ahead and let it drop. it hurts a little bit to have him be secretive, but i don't want to scare him off of being honest altogether, and he has been more and more honest as the week has progressed, so i don't want to blow it.<BR>thanks again for the support,<BR>julie<P>------------------<BR><A HREF="http://www.go.to/wcu" TARGET=_blank>loveWASblind</A>

well, he told me he's going to OW's to try to figure out "why he's not good enough for anyone"<BR>yes, i lovebusted, made ultimatums, told him im leaving...but really, i did a LOT better than i would have normally (usually i would call him and go, "*%^^$%^$&^%&*^&^$#^%$(&(&$^%#$^%*&^*&^&%^&*(*&*)%^%$#$@@#$^%$%$^%#@$#^%^*&(*&))(^$*&^(*&)(" <BR>but this time, i was pretty calm)<BR>im sad, but i'll try to chin up and take it. maybe the saturday evening alone would be good for me...i can do some pampering and slip into something more comfortable and see what happens when he comes home (?)<BR>(oh, i sound brave, but my stomach is churning...)

all right. i apologized profusely now, realized that if i want to show i love him, then i need to let him work this stuff out the way he thinks he needs to, and i can put my own needs behind me again. <BR>it is sort of an ex post facto plan A, but i really am trying...

Hummmm.... You are much braver than some would be...<P>I am a betrayer... and I know that it not so easy to meet face to face and end up just talking... why can't they meet in a public place? That is safer...<P>Not trying to upset you.. I just hope for the best....for you...