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Joined: Feb 2000
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db713 Offline OP
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Some of you know I have been standing for the restoration of my marriage. I was divorced after 28 yrs of marriage and was left for OW, whom ex still lives with. Over the last couple of months, ex and I have been communicating better, and I thought were making baby steps. I have been plan A'ing my heart out as was advised . Anyway, I found out my ex and OW are now engaged, but he was not the one to tell me. He did confirm it when I sent him and email. His exact response was "we have talked of marriage [we are engaged] but have set no date. He has probably been engaged a couple of months but has not told anyone that I'm aware of, not even any of his children. I was so upset, angry and hurt, that I sent him an email stating since he was now engaged there will be no further communication from me, and then I wished him the best, but it came off as sounding sarcastic. Major LB! I'll assume its now time to throw in the towel unless anyone has any other ideas.

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I forgot to add that the person who intimated that he might be getting married this year was my daughters therapist, although she had no specific information to that effect--just something he had said to her last year, when she asked him about his future plans.

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db713,<P>I do believe I'll be following in your footsteps soon.<P>My divorce will most likely come on June 5th... and I seriously expect to hear of an engagement with a few weeks after that...<BR>...D-day April 7th last year<BR>...she file for divorce 3 weeks later<BR>...moved out almost 9 months ago<BR>...lived with OM since then (and some before)<BR>...hates the living daylights out of me<P>...and yes... I've been "long distance" Plan A-ing too.<P>Is it over with a divorce?<BR>Is it over with an engagement?...<BR>Is it over with a re-marriage?...<BR>...I just don't know<P>I do know in time... my love for my W will have to sink to all time lows...<BR>...and in time... I too can't live in a fantasy world.<P>I've heard from so many men (not women yet) that it has taken them 5 years after their divorce to "move on" to new permanent relationships.<P>I am <B>very</B> slowly preparing myself for this...<BR>I'm probably kicking and fighting it too much...<BR>But...<BR>I seriously will have to give it up when she marries the OM...<BR>...even though I know that their marriage (built on lies and cheating) will fall apart in time.<P>Prayers for you...<BR>...you need them so much now!<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim

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db713 Offline OP
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Thank you Jim for such a quick response. I was hoping to hear from you because you have such good insight even with your own set of problems. I guess I put myself in Plan B with my latest email. Thank you for the prayers.

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Please don't take this as sarcasm because it's not meant to be but, why do you think after all he's done to show devotion and commitment to the OW that he wants a romantic relationship with you? You said there were baby steps, but were those things that were meant to heal the old wounds between you or things designed to get you back together?<P>After a divorce and him moving in with the OW, I'd say it is time to get on with your life. You're limiting your happiness by hoping for something that is already gone.<P>I hope that doesn't crush you. Maybe I don't have enough facts, but it really seems to me from what you've said here that there isn't much chance of changing things.<P>I agree that his relationship with her is built on sand, but it could take a long time to fall, and when it does, it might not be to you that he runs.

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db713 Offline OP
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I don't take it as sarcasm. I have hung on because twice he has waffled and admitted to the therapist, that we would probably get back together some day, just not right now. Although the chances are slim, I wanted to do everything I could to try and restore my marriage. There are statistics that say 10% of couples who do divorce eventually end up remarrying. I was willing to give it my all to be in that 10%. I have not sat around ,pining away for my ex. I work full time, have a daughter in high school, and go out freq. with friends, and have gone on a few dates. I also come from a divorced family and didn't want the cycle repeated. I have loved my ex husband and was married to him over 1/2 of my life and I wanted to know I had done everything to try and repair my marriage. I have thrown in the towel with his engagement. However, it makes me wonder if he has been engaged for several months, why hasn't he told any of his children? They are ages 30, 26, 24, and 17. Seems to me this isn't something you keep secret. It has taken me a long time to get to closure, but I am there. In my case it was very hard to give up the dream and face reality. My head has known for a long time it was over, but unfortunately its taken my heart a lot longer to catch up.

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db713,<P>Maybe he hasn't told the children because he isn't sure. Lots of people get engaged and never get married, sometimes over and over again. Has he been living with her ever since the divorce? Before the divorce? Why didn't he get married a long time ago?<P>You don't stop loving someone whom you have been married to for over half your life.

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Nellie, in answer to your question, he was involved with OW for 8 mo. before he told me. He was in the service at the time and stationed in another state and that is how they met. We were separated for one year before the divorce was final and they visited each other frequently during that time. They moved in together 6 wks after the divorce was final and have been living together ever since.


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