I don't feel very organized in my thoughts right now, so please bear with me. Because of YOU PEOPLE I am doing so much better this week. Still sad as heck, and still moments that I can not believe what has happened, but starting to hope. Hope is scary.
H and I have a date tomorrow night. We currently are seperated for 2 weeks now, which we agreed on after discovery of his 2 year affair (which he says is over, and I am trying hard to believe).
He "asked me out" last Sunday when he was here picking up the kids. We do talk a lot, but always in our bedroom behing closed doors, and agreed that a change in scenery would be nice.
I am nervous as a darn high schooler on prom night!!
I am afraid to recognize progress, b/c it will hurt too much when he gets cold again, and he is cold a lot. This morning he came by when I was mowing the lawn (2nd time in my 42 years I mowed...and I'm kinda proud of myself) He said I looked "cute" all sweaty and grubby. He took our son out for a few hours to get some errands done, and has called me twice since then!
We are having great, light conversations over the last several days. He told my best buddy yesterday that I have changed so much. He says he wants a wife who is more independent, and I'm doing all I can to show him I've changed, but boy, I am so impatient. He also told her that he had been unhappy in our marriage for the last 10 years (out of 19). Guess I should remember that when I get impatient...it took us a long time to get into this mess.
Ok ok..I'm rambling...this is my question: One of our problems, when he was having this affair, before I knew it, and he was a jerk to me all the time...was him saying to me that we have nothing to talk about anymore. We are stuck mostly on talking about our problems...and regardless of what he said, we do talk for hours sometimes, probably talking all of this to death! How do I keep it light tomorrow night?
I am competing with a very very educated wordly woman. I have been a housewife for 20 years. Even I think I'm boring sometimes LOL. How in the world do I keep this man from thinking I have nothing to offer him. Talk about our three kids the whole night...no, don't think so. Memorize a bunch of jokes, nah...
Anyone have any advice. Maybe I'm just making too much out of this darn date thing, I just feel like I'm on trial here and had better perform.
Sorry this is so jumbled, too much coffee this morning maybe.