Thanks for your gracious comments in the Update post. <P>I have been getting counseling from my Pastor. He is a great support as he has been working with couples for the last 15 years. After we get our house sold and I have a little more disposable income I will head to a psychotherapist because I want something positive to come out of this mess. <P>I have learned a lot already about myself and how I deal with relationships and I generally like what I see. I think it will take a lot of time at this point to get involved with somebody but when I do it will be the most honest beautiful relationship I can imagine.<P>How are things going for you? Are you still committed to counseling later this year?<p>[This message has been edited by Goober (edited June 02, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goober:<BR><B>Thanks for your gracious comments in the Update post. <P>I have been getting counseling from my Pastor. He is a great support as he has been working with couples for the last 15 years. After we get our house sold and I have a little more disposable income I will head to a psychotherapist because I want something positive to come out of this mess. <P>I have learned a lot already about myself and how I deal with relationships and I generally like what I see. I think it will take a lot of time at this point to get involved with somebody but when I do it will be the most honest beautiful relationship I can imagine.<P>How are things going for you? Are you still committed to counseling later this year?<P>[This message has been edited by Goober (edited June 02, 2000).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>I hope your Pastor is still helping you. I too have turned more to my church last summer, and a priest was surprisingly close to the principals put forth by Steve Harley. He never heard of Harley though, or the Marriage Builders Boards, and I gave him the information. I found the Boards I think in April. The priest did tell me that the straying spouse thing is a very common problem. <P>I also passed on the MB site info to our marriage counselor and to a former counselor for her clients and for their own understanding. This place is - I can't find the right word, there's a lot of goodness here.<P>I think that you and the others here who endure humiliation for the sake of their children deserve much better. So many people posting here keep on doing the right thing, and your struggles inspire me. Some of your stories are much worse than mine and yet you don't give up. <P>Your story touches me particularly because your wife has humiliated you and yet you endured her disdain and rejection and moved back home to be with your kids. Courageous, loving - all that.<P>We're committed to the counseling at least til late summer early fall. (Read my other posts) It's no picnic. I'm working very hard to NOT be a witch. What a challenge THAT is. I deserve to be a witch; I've earned it, I'm entitled, and still it would be counterproductive.<P>Good luck with the psychotherapy. I also see the counselor alone to work on my rage (eliminating my "witch" personna.) I'd rather be doing something fun, and the counselor knows that, but it's for the best. I need to be a nicer person in order to attract my H to want to be closer to him. I became really horrible after D day.<P>Thanks for your support and inspiration.

This doen't look like the writing of a witch Bellevue. I believe what happens is that we are affected by the humiliation and we want the WS to feel a portion of the pain we have gone through. Can't control it - its human nature.<P>Although I won't get the chance to try it with my wife, only on my own, I believe that its a personal decision that we make to either live in the past or gain control of our destiny. I found in my situation that I can't live in the past because I get hurt tremendously. I know that there is a better life for me, unfortunatley it doesn't include her.<P>If we (as a board) can deal with the mistakes of the past and offer complete forgiveness and in return receive a 110% effort from the WS to try and rebuild, can we survive this and make our marraiges stronger.