I'd just like to know how all of you could be so supportive and swooning all over my wife and so condemning of me. I read your posts. You act like there aren't two sides of the story. MY WIFE IS POPEYE! She's just SO wonderful. Try living with her.

Dear poorme, This post is a major LB. Erase it pronto!!! There are aslways two sides to everything, and we all know that...be smart, and erase this please. PLAN A.

poorme...<BR> Yes, there are two sides to every story. I don't think I've posted to you, and maybe once to your wife, but I am sorry if you've felt dumped on...<P> I think you and your wife need to work on communicating better with each other, and I wish you both the best...

poorme,<P>You know I guessed this morning it was popeye, intuition I guess. I went back and read many of her posts and not once did she dump on you.<P>I have said far worse about my h as I've worked through all the pain of finding out my h was not the wonderful, faithful man I had thought.<P>Can I ask where you are from?? Maybe the sexism we so strongly disliked in your other posts is partly cultural. It was only today I figured out who she is, so I was responding to your own comments, not anything she said about you. Of course there are two sides to every story. How about you use the opportunity to really comprehend the other side and the marriage principles Dr. Harley has gleaned from a lifetime of helping couples.<P>It is really entirely up to you whether you want to use this medium and learn all you can as K suggested to you. It has helped all of us, that's why we are still here.<P>

Poorme,<P>Doing this is a mistake. This is so disrespectful to disclose your wife's screen name on this board. Anonymity is key to us feeling safe enough to bare our souls to one another.<P>Although we don't know her real identity, we have become to know her very well under her assumed name. You have now made her safe haven a place where she'll feel guarded.<P>Just this display of "lack of respect" illustrates you are struggling with self gratification issues.<P>Did you think about how she would have felt before doing this?<P>Jo

I just read your previous posts and the more I read, the more you sound like my H. Though my H has a bit more tact and empathy than you appear to have. When you posted who your W is, it clicked. I have alot of respect for your W and from her posts, have seen the parallels in you and my H. It sounds like you may need to do some digging inside yourself to get a good look at you. If you are anything like my H, and you sound a lot like him, you have a hard time accepting any responsibility for the negative contributions you made in your marriage, you even feel justified for having affairs because your wife could not read your mind and "know" what you needed emotionally from her while the OW did. If you were willing to give 1/10th of the attention, affection and consideration to your W that you give/gave the OW, you probably would not be where you are today. Again, assuming you are similar to my H, if you would only recognize and acknowledge and try to FEEL the pain you have caused your W by having affairs, you would probably be surprised at how her attitude towards you would change. How can a person respect someone who doesnt take responsibility for their actions? You CHOSE to have an affair instead of working on your marriage. Your W didnt (though she also could have made that choice). From your posts, that seems to be your way to solve problems or get the upper hand, to "show" her she didnt have power over you. I hope and pray for YOUR sake, you get help and do some serious soul searching.<P>Kris

poorme,<P>You might not want to believe this, but if you had come to this site and said that you had cheated on your wife, regretted it, and wanted to save your marriage, you would have been overwhelmed with offers of support and assistance. I have seen it happen dozens of times over the past few months to betrayed and betraying spouses.<P>Instead you came here with excuses, criticisms, and a horrible attitude. The disrepect you have shown in your posts to your wife is probably just a small sample of what she has had to endure.<P>If the damage to your marriage is beyond repair, you could still benefit from this site so that you could possibly have a successful relationship in the future. That is your choice to make, just as what you are going through right now is a result of choices you have made.<P>Nobody here likes to see anyone suffering, but we all know that every action has a consequence and that adults take responsibility for those actions and consequences.<P>I have found all of your posts, especially this one, to be callous, selfish, and cruel. It is hard to see the good man you CLAIM to be anywhere here. Maybe you could let us see another side of yourself that you haven't shown here. If so, you too could be offered support and assistance.<P>Peppermint

poorme - You asked the question, but I don't think you are willing to hear the answer. Let me show you what disturbed me from your other post:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>1) She had all kinds of stupid excuses....<BR>2) Tons of women are dying to have kids with me and be the wife I wish she was......<BR>3) So, are you guys just here to find someone you can feel superior to?.....<BR>4) She asked me to move back in once to give it one more try...<BR>5) I am real and I was looking for some real feedback, but found only judgment.....<BR>6) I am serious about needing some advice, but can't talk to my wife because I am afraid of getting the same type of stuff from her....<BR>7) when all of you have the same story.....<BR>8) All my freinds have wives who wait on them hand and foot.....<BR>9) I went out on her because she was rejecting me....<BR>10) You can depend on her....She's got so much integrity. That's not easy to find.......<BR>11) I read your posts.....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Let's take them one-by-one(are you man enough to read this?)<P>1) It certainly sounds to me as if your W might have had something else deep down that made her reluctant to have children. Did you try to pursue this in a gentle way when you heard one of these "excuses"? Doesn't sound like it, you just chalked up another "stupid excuse".<P>2) How in the world do you know this? You have shown a total disrespect for your wife to engage in the types of conversations with other women that would bring about this type of response.<P>3) I don't think you will find many here, either betrayer or betrayed, that feel superior to anything or anyone. We all feel bad, that's why we are here. You appear to be the one who feels superior.<P>4) So why didn't you move back and at least give it an honest try? You cannot have known if she was being honest with you if you didn't at least give her a chance.<P>5) You got real feedback. I will tell you what, I have gotten feedback before that I didn't exactly care for at the time, but on reflection and after time, I realized that most of these people are right. I was the one that was wrong. I don't believe you are currently in a state to deal with this honestly. You want your needs met, period. No negotiating, no compromising, nothing. Just me, me, me. <P>6) If you are getting the "same kind of stuff" from everyone, shouldn't that tell you something? Or do you feel everyone is "out to get you"?<P>7) See 6) above. <P>8) If this is what you want, hire a live-in housekeeper, a spouse should be much more than this.<P>9) You weren't meeting her needs either. How would you have felt if it was her that had the affair? I would think that you wouldn't think that any excuse was good enough. But you know? She made the offer to try again to work things out. Lots of betrayers never get that second chance.<P>10) Those are pretty good traits. A lot of us wished we could say the same about our spouses right now. They are definitely good enough to consider reconciliation.<P>11) From a lot of the things you have said, I don't believe this to be true in any substantial way. Stories here run the gamut. Only those too egotistical or too arrogant to see the truth when it is right in front of them ever get less than supportive treatment. We would like to be supportive of you, but you have to change your attitude and give us a chance.<P>BTW, <P>My two cents,<P>--DeWayne--

poorme: I will admit to being one of the ones who felt the same as you. At least I used to...the Bible even supports some of your views.<P>"Eph:5:22: Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.<BR>Eph:5:23: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.<BR>Eph:5:24: Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."<P>God created man and made him ruler of all things on this earth (outside of himself of course) He then made woman to help man.<P>"Ge:2:21: And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;<BR>Ge:2:22: And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man."<P>But as my life unfolded and continues to unfold the Lord has opened my eyes to the rest of what the Bible and those around me were saying.<P>"Eph:5:25: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;<BR>Eph:5:28: So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.<BR>Eph:5:29: For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:<BR>Eph:5:31: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh."<P>I've grown to love my wife as though she were myself. Actually to me, she is me. She completes what I am, what I have become. Why do you think you get that sick feeling when you think of her with somone else or just without you? I would not want my arm or my leg to be 'used' by someone else. For someone to take these things from me would be painful. Same with my spouse.<P>"M'r:10:7: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;<BR>M'r:10:8: And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.<BR>M'r:10:9: What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder"<P>If God has joined you and your wife then you should try your best to save what you can, if it was you that 'chose' your wife in spite of 'this and that' then perhaps you were truley never married in the first place. There is alot of learning that needs to be done. For us all.<P>Good Luck and God Bless<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

I too had figured out who your wife was earlier today but just now have been able to post. I must say she grossly understated how selfish you really are. Wow! And that ego. On many of her psts she agonized over whether divorcing you was the right decision. She was even willing to accept the whole OC situation. But now reading your posts I see that she is correct in her decison to divorce you.<P>She is far from perfect and admitted as such but you come here taking no responsibilites for your actions, blaming her and expect support. Even here where people are incredibly supportive I doubt you find any even among betrayers.

POPEYE!! Gee, isn't it funny how in your posts you mention NOTHING of having a child with one of your OW! So now let us get this straight, you are the husband that had an affair, got the OW pregnant, tried to hide it from your wife, but kept telling OW that you were going to be with her after the baby was born. Popeye had intentions of trying to adopt your OC so that possibly she could keep her family together. Then you come here to spew some of that childish ME ME ME talk. BOY,I have a whole new respect for POPEYE. I hope she has done what she says she is doing and that is putting HER life back together. No wonder a few of her posts were filled with anger...boy do i see why now. You don't want a wife, you want a puppy to tag along and be your friend when you need a cheering crowd to feed your ego and to have some puppies for you. YOU DO NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. YOU ARE TEXTBOOK MATERIAL.