I don't normally let too many people know...<BR>...but I am upset tonight.<BR>...Yes.. Jim is human too... and with feelings that get hurt. <P>OK... the weekend(Sunday) dropoff got me going...<BR>...She was supposed to drop them off 9PM Saturday... (I wanted them in the morning... it was Father's Day afterall)<BR>...and she changed her midstream (or maybe not) to take them to a rodeo! They got back to her house 12:30 AM... just so they could wake up 6:30 to bring them back home.<P>When she brought them back home...<BR>Yes... I got the regular "F... ..U" as usual whispered low again so kids can't hear.<P>Then she gives me "the finger" while I'm on the front lawn...<BR>...and as I turn around to go back into the house...<BR>...my daughter is at her window tapping to get my attention<BR>...and makes me wonder if my D saw what her mother did?!!!!<P>Yes... she is upset with all the paperwork she has to fill out for the divorce! My attorney file a "Notice to Produce" demand... and it includes accounting for the "misuse of SSA benefits" for my son.<P>ARGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!<P>OK... now what really did it <B>tonight</B>!<P>This was going to be a wonderful evening...<BR>My son was graduating High School...<BR>...and yes... I'm damn proud of him.<BR>He's had a lot of problems with ADD...<BR>...and HS was a struggle for him at times.<P>So...<P>My W drives the 90+ miles to come and see him graduate...<P>During the ceremonies I spot her (a challenge in a crowd of about 5,000-6,000) and take the younger 2 over to her (I stay away because of Sunday's dropoff fiasco.)<P>When the ceremonies were all over...<BR>...and the graduates came out to see all their friends and family....<P>...<B>SHE JUST BLOWS IT OFF</B>...<BR>...<B>and just leaves</B>!!!<P>My son was soooooo damn upset... confused... tearfilled eyes...<P>He spent at least 40 minutes searching all over the arena (about 450+ graduates) and parking lot looking for her!!!!<BR>...and she just leaves!<P>Yes my W's mother was there... as well as her two sisters... and they all sat together with my family (11 from just my family).<BR>She was on the other side of the area...<BR>...all by herself...<BR>...OM did not come... as a request from our son!<P>Could she be this vindictive?<BR>Is the fog soooooo thick!<P>I will try and do some special things with him (Thai food for lunch... let him spend time with his favorite cousin... whatever.)<BR>I feel bad for him...<P>...in the end he was saying...<BR>..."oh well... she left the family already anyway..."<P>I'm upset!!!!<BR>He'll graduate HS only once in his life!!!<BR>Why did she have to ruin it????<P>Excuse me if I'm not much on the forum tonight...<BR>...some prayful reflection is much in order...<BR>...before I hold on to the mood to lovebust!<P>OK... vent is over...<BR>...like the rest of you... I needed this...<P>PTC one and all ... <P>Jim

Jim, I am so sorry. The way she has treated you is just terrible, and to do that to your son...unbelievable.<P>All I can think of is that she cannot possibly be in her right mind...but, I guess you already knew that, huh?<P>Big platonic hugs to you. You are doing a great job being there for the kids...I'm proud of you, and I hope you are too! And, congrats on your son's graduation!!! <P>Kathi

Hey Jim,<P>Just checking out the posts and saw yours. Well, you are certainly entitled to vent abit. I really don't know what to say about the events of graduation but one. What goes around comes around.<P>You son will remember this and her behavior. But he will also remember that you, your family and her family were there for him. That is so good Jim. Focus on the fact that almost all of his family cared and was there for him. He will have good memories of that.<P>I suspect he is not surprised at the behavior. Are you? So just vent a way my man. This is the place for it.<P>You know your are doing the right thing and you know the kids know. Can't do better than that, now can you.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Jim,<BR>I don't post on this forum much anymore, (5 years of doing this gets old, but do on the Bible study one. I have followed your posts from time to time and am always amazed at the incredible encouragement you give everyone and how welcoming you are to all the new posters. But yes even the strong ones fall down sometimes. It makes me think of the Twila Paris song The Warrior is a child, :Even winners can get wounded in the fight." It is frustrating and baffling when our spouses act so insensitively, especially to their children. <BR>I too have a daughter who is struggling through high school with ADD and some minor learning problems. She repeated 9th this year at a Christian boarding school. This is a challenging school, but the structure is what she needs. Her grade point wasn't the highest but she did pass her classes and she got an award for the 2nd most improved student in the school. She has been invited back (thank goodness).<BR>I am usually strong in the Lord, but my relationship w hubby had a set back this weekend, and I too have struggled, but will over come and be stronger.<BR>So Jim, we all struggle from time to time. I just wanted to say that you will be lifted in my prayers. As I have struggled to do today, just lay it at God's feet. <BR>Be encouraged, God is still in control.<BR>

Jim,<BR>I am soooo incredibly sorry to hear what your W did. My tears even started. <P>It is awfully hard when our S behave in such a cruel manner. Unfortunately, that will be what your son will remember of his mother. SOOO sad. One day she will open her eyes and probably feel such shame for what she's done. Unfortunately, it just hasn't happened soon enough.<P>Chin up, Jim. Your kids love you and obviously mean the world to you. You will always be their "hero".<P><P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!

Jim, what he said (JL).<P>Your kids are so fortunate to have you as a dad!<P>Sorry it has to be so rough.

Jim,<BR>Sorry to hear about your {new} pain. You deserve better. Your kids deserve better. <P>I have an ADD son in HS. Just the fact they have it makes it hard for them, and then for a PARENT to act like that is inexcusable.<P>My daughters grades are just begining to get better from my H's ema in '97. She almost failed last year. (She has said to relatives she doesn't know why she didn't) It takes a toll that no-one knows but them, and in different ways. <P>Are any of your children in counseling? It is too expensive for us. <P>I was really thinking of you tonite before I saw your post. Thinking of e-mailing you about catholicism. We're Baptists in a Baptist town, & you are very quietly persuasive (I've thought about it since childhood). <P>I'll continue to think about you & I'll add prayer to that.

Jim, I don't know how you keep your strength. wisdom and faith when faced with these situations. My heart breaks so much due to my children's responses. <P>I know I would have cried too if my son cried. In fact, he did last night.....after coming home from the weekend with his dad.<P>Where do the WS conscience's go....Do you suppose they will ever, on this earth, SEE their behavior...remember it???????<P>My H's fog is as thick, just different...I don't get the finger, but I get other vague, somewhat cruel stuff and the indifference to the situaltion...the total selfabsorption from people who were never this way before...you really have to search hard to find any meaning......You really have to pray hard for God's strength..... I wish I were as strong as you.....I know I would be able to help my children better!!!!!!<P>You are a wonderful father....an inspiring friend...thank you...

Well Damn it her! Sorry.<P>It just makes me so mad when parents treat their children this way. Your son't Grad is a very special deal. She has to be so fogged in she can't be thinking.<P>I'm so sorry Jim. She's kind of a poddy mouth around you, huh? And she can't seem to control her motor reflexes either. Nice example for D. <P>You are such a wonderful man, you don't deserve this kind of treatment. She will one day regret this stuff, and I know you'll be very forgiving. She's lucky to have you as the father of her children. <P>You never vent and have always been such a rock for all of us. We appreciate you and use us as a sounding board anytime.<P>Be well Jim and take care of those kids, they need you.<P>Jo<P><P>------------------<BR><BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak that will snap in the wind"

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NSR:<BR><B>...Yes.. Jim is human too... and with feelings that get hurt. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You are certainly entitled to your vent. You have helped so many people here, I'm sorry to see you in this situation.<P>Your wife is certainly behaving in a miserable fashion. Don't let her bad energy and childish behavior ruin your time with your kids. They need you more than ever.<P>Hang in there.<P>Mike <BR>

Jim, I'm so sorry that such an important day was ruined. <BR>And yes we know you are human, and this is the place to vent.<BR>You have every right to.<P>I have no special inspirational words for you, but I want to tell you that I do think of you.<P>Actually even thought I was away for a long while, I kept thinking about all my friends in here.<P>Big hug<BR>Kat<BR><P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Jim,<P>I'm sorry to hear about your W's horrible behavior. Someday, she will realize how she has treated you & your/her kids. She will regret it. It's a shame that she had to do this to your son at such an important milestone in his life.<P>It is heartbreaking. Hang in there and stay strong for yourself and for your kids. Just keep setting a good example for your kids. They really need you right now.

Congratulations Jim to that wonderful son of yours! I know you are proud. My son also has ADD and I know what a struggle that is.<P> What a shame your W acted the way she did. Someday she is going to look back and hate herself for her actions.

Jim, Vent anytime, I'm surpised you haven't done a lot more of it. <P>I am so sorry your W did this. My son just graduated, I can't even begin to understand your W's behaivour ! She is that childs mother for crying oul loud !<P>These are the kind of things that make me want to scream. <P>The petty, mean, nasty things ws's do , not only to their spouses but to their children.<P>You don't deserve this Jim, you have fought and done everything you could to save this marriage. One day she is going to see you for the man you are, and that day is going to be hard cold slap in the face for her.<P>Give son extra hugs, (if he still lets you do that, mine won't, he's too grown up for that) and let him say what he needs to say about this, even if it's ugly. He needs to let the hurt and disappointment out or it will fester.<P>You and those kiddos will be in my prayers tonight. <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

Hi Jim, <BR>Well I can see your W is still in la la land!!!<BR>My H was there too.Now that he is coming out. He is seeing just what HIS actions did to the children.<BR>Our eldest( 25) still will not talk to her dad. Flat out refuses. Today H said something to our son, and our son said to Dad, why do you care you aren't here for me.<BR>I could see the words take the breath away from my H. He said I know I wasn't but I am now and I am going to try and help you and so is your mom as best we can, but you must do your part too...<BR>So Maybe, maybe, someday it will lift for her too.<BR>About our eldest, I told H give her time, Just don't give up like your Dad did you.<BR>(His dad after not seeing him for 21 years tried to get back into his life and H said no way) His dad died without either of them resolving their differences. I told him you can either stop trying like your dad did, or not be like your dad and keep trying little by little. <BR>He looked at me and said I WILL KEEP TRYING!!!<BR>He knows he has missed 7 months in our childrens lives that he can never get back...<BR>When your wife comes to her senses she will see that and then have to deal with her own pain. I think it will be as painful as what you are going thru....<BR>So like what someone said earlier" What goes around comes around" . It always does...<BR>Take care and YES you are allowed a day to VENT!!!! God Bless you and your family!!!<BR>Tyra<p>[This message has been edited by Tyra (edited June 20, 2000).]

Jim:<P>You know when I first came to this forum you were the first to reply to my need for help as I know you are for many here.<P>Being strong all the time is too hard a burden to bear. So lay your head on our shoulders for a change and cry if you want...or scream and holler...anything that will make you feel better. And then get up and go again...as we know you will...into the fray. Because that's you.<P>Somewhere you will find the strength to help your son to understand your wife's selfish behavior and the fact that it has nothing to do with him. It is certainly hard for me to understand such behavior on such an important day in his life. <P>As my daughter was leaving to go back to "the big city" to her job after Father's Day on Sunday (at which her father made a minimal appearance) she looked at me and said "Well, Happy Father's Day. I guess you're all we have now." Made me want to cry.<P>Special occasions are times to set aside our grievances and concentrate on what is really important in our lives. People pass in and out of our lives, but family is forever.<P>Buffy <P><BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jim}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Big, BIG hugs.<P>You're allowed.<P>And we're here with you.<P>Love and prayers to you,<P>Lori

Jim,<P>My son also has ADD so I know how tough school must have been for your son. He made it through to graduation, thought, and a day for you and him to be proud. It's truly a shame that his own mother can't understand how important it would have been to him for her to stay and give him a hug. He must be so hurt.<P>At least he had you and so many other family members there supporting him.

Jim, <BR>So sorry that what should have been a very wonderful time turned into such a crummy one!<P>Your son will remember this, and unfortunately we want to shield them from this kind of hurt, but we can't. They just have to deal with it. <P>Reminds me of my X. On his BD, the family went out for dinner. He went to the bathroom and was gone for a long time. My son went to find him, and both came back to the table. My son told us that Dad was on the phone. My x said, "No , I wasn't I was washing my hands". My son again said "Dad I saw you, you said good bye and hung up" My X then called him a lier. An 11 yr old kid, and he is called a lier in front of his family. Well, we all knew who he was talking to......<BR>My son has told me that was the worst day of his life....<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Jim,<BR>I'm so sorry to hear that. Everything good has said by eveybody already, but I just wanted to let you know that there is one onther person think of you and your son. Your son knows he is loved by so many people, and that's important. I'm sure, as a mother myself, she loves him too. She seems just can't act right because of her anger or whatever, someday the fog in her eyes will clear up and she'll see what's real.<BR>We are all here for you til then.<P>My prayers for you and your family<BR>Amy