Ok, This is it! I am at the lowest point again. Today is day 3 of crying for OM. I am trying so hard. I dont want to fall into Satans trap. WHAT AM I GONNA DO?<P>I wanted this marriage to work. Now I am ready to leave. H is only concerned about his dad. he never even cares that he spends 0 time with me. then I resort to thinking of the good time s with OM. I am dying to talk to OM. <P>Should I just throw in the towel? What do i do? I just want to be happy and someone love me like I love them.<P>Thanks to all<BR>Renee<BR><P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Renee,<P>Honey, what's been going on?? Talk it out a little more. I'll be here for a while longer. <P>You have made it this far. Don't rush into something yet, ok?<P>Hugs,<BR>Mitzi

Believe me...I know the feeling.<BR>Here's a word picture for you.<P>You are standing on the edge of a cliff. This OM...is just beyond your reach. You have never desired anything more in all your life...than to just reach out...and take hold of him. You realize there is danager involved...but the draw is so intense...that you begin to convince yourself...you can do it. But...if you take that "one more step"...you will find out...that you never had a chance. <P>Changing the focus seems to be the very difficult task at hand. I wish I could tell you how to do this...I have yet to find out for myself.<P>I was thinking this morning of the movie "Little Mermaid"...and how Ariel goes to see the Sea Witch for help. She passes all the "former mermaids" who have been reduced to these poor withering souls locked in her prison...and they seem to be wide-eyed with fright and urgency...trying to warn Ariel to turn back. But she is "in love" and prepared to trade whatever she has to pursue this "love". So she trades her most valuable asset...her voice.<P>Sadly....the movie allows the viewer to witness that even though you make such a horrific choice, that in the end...it will all work out well. Somehow, I don't think it works that way in real life.<P>

NoMas, Mitzi<P><BR>That is the truth. You just said it. I cut contact with om in Jan. I only feel this alone feeling when H has nothing to do with me. he is an only child. His parents live down the road from us. He and his dad are very tight. Which I am glad of that. However, that is part of the reason this marriage was failing. He is outside and with his dad till 9;00 at night. We never have any "romance" time together. Then I go into this deep depression that all I think about is the fun time with OM

inamess,<P>Been a long time since we talked. Please refresh my memory. Does you H know about the affair and OM? I keep thinking he doesn't.<P>I know you are in a crack. On the one hand you want your H to have a close relation with his parents. He is all they have, right? On the other you would like a fulfilling marriage as well.<P>Your H also feels that time is limited to be with Dad. I don't know the situation could be health or just that they are good friends. <BR>Again if my memory serves me right and I am not sure, if he doesn't know about the affair and the pull of the OM he preceives his major deadline is he parents, after all the marriage is good right? You know it is not but does he?<P>Don't call the OM inamess, you know that will only cause more problems for you. Please talk with H about your feelings.<P>Finally, if you are feeling depressed have you considered meds?<P>I apologize if I don't remember all of the details, but I hope this helps.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

JL,<P>H does know about the affair. I confessed it on New Years Eve. <P>He knows that I was emotionally attached to the OM. My sis and my friend are the ones that I talk to about it. H felt very uncomforable talking about it. As a matter of fact, he said he wished I would have never told him. <P>I was very much in love with OM. It seems as thought the only time that OM (Satan) gets a hold of me is when i get the lonely feeling. I hate feeling so alone. That is how all this mess started to begin with. I was very very lonely. I tried to tell H for 2 years. <P>His dad is a very jelous person. He thinks that H should spend all his time with him. Just to set an examole. When all this happened. H finally started going to church. Usually they went to the gun club on sunday morning. His father got mad becasue they couldnt go anymore since he started going to church. His father isnt in the greatest health. He is able to work and work on the farm. He just thinks that H should eb with him at all times. <P>H and I are going on vacation to the beach next week. Just so dad wouldnt get mad at him for not asking them to go. He told him that we were going with my business. <P>I have prayed that God form me into the W that he wants. For me to understand all this stuff. Because H feels torn between dad and I. I am still praying for understanding. I know that his dad will throw a tandrum. he got mad over us going to the race in Charlotte and not asking him to go. he is just a very selfish man. That H and his mother has catered to all his life. My h is always loooking for his approval. He of course would never give him a compliment. They have catered to him for so long. That it is to late to change now. <P>This was part of our reason for growning apart. I use to look for people to do stuff with. Because H was with dad. <P>I need all the prayters that I can get. <BR>I want this to work. But I just look in the future and I can see the end. I just feel so alone at times. And I need H so bad. But he cant dissapoint dad. I have very seldome said anything to him about dad. I try to understand since I wasnt close to mine. <BR>Noone else would have even considered staying here. <P>I am on meds right now. I had a nervous breakdown 2 years ago. I think i may call the DR again. <P>Thanks so much<BR>Renee <P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NoMas:<BR><B>Believe me...I know the feeling.<BR>Here's a word picture for you.<P>You are standing on the edge of a cliff. This OM...is just beyond your reach. You have never desired anything more in all your life...than to just reach out...and take hold of him. You realize there is danager involved...but the draw is so intense...that you begin to convince yourself...you can do it. But...if you take that "one more step"...you will find out...that you never had a chance. <P>Changing the focus seems to be the very difficult task at hand. I wish I could tell you how to do this...I have yet to find out for myself.<P>I was thinking this morning of the movie "Little Mermaid"...and how Ariel goes to see the Sea Witch for help. She passes all the "former mermaids" who have been reduced to these poor withering souls locked in her prison...and they seem to be wide-eyed with fright and urgency...trying to warn Ariel to turn back. But she is "in love" and prepared to trade whatever she has to pursue this "love". So she trades her most valuable asset...her voice.<P>Sadly....the movie allows the viewer to witness that even though you make such a horrific choice, that in the end...it will all work out well. Somehow, I don't think it works that way in real life.<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Wow, NoMas! More of your excellent analogys! I'm not sure how you come up w/those, but I can definitely relate to them. You're right about it not working that way in real life.<P>How are you doing? Still in contact? Any updates? I hope you're still hanging in there. It WILL get better. I just don't know how long it takes.<P>

Renee, PLEASE don't talk to OM. It'll just confuse you more. Believe me, I'm fighting that right now. I know how badly you're fighting that desire. I, too, feel like everytime the OM's involved that I'm fighting Satan. Not that the OM is Satan, but I believe Satan uses OM as a tool to tempt and maybe even destroy me. Does that sound crazy? Just thinking out loud.<P>Have you tried to discuss this w/your H (about his dad)? I know that would be even more difficult. I'm sure it's tough for your H, too. <P>Hang in there. I'm praying for you.<P>

Momma,<P>Honey, You hit it. Satan knows that is the way to get to us right now! He is going for our weakness. We are fleeing from satan and running to Jesus. My Brother in law is a minister. He told me that just as soon as I would think the battle was over. That Satan would be laying and lurking for me to give in. He said that was the sad thing. Satan doesnt come with a gun or anything to warn you. That is why you have to have a close relationship with God. <BR>Thanks so much! I have talked to H about the dad. he says taht I dont understand. Since I am not an olny child. <P>I am having a hard time understanding. Why I keep praying that God get satan off my back.(when I have OM on my mind). And it doesnt just leave. Why is that. <P>This sounds awful. But lastnight. I just said forget it! Im calling OM. I pray and Pray and nothing seems to change. I pray to fall in love woth H and it doesnt happen. Than I pray to get Om off my mind and it gets worse! So im trying so hard. I read the bible alot yesterday. I know that in my heart this marrigae is to stay together. I just dont know how though. I need a faith in christ seminar! I pray that he gives me the strength!! <P>Listen to me! Just 5 months ago I thought i wouldnt be this far. <BR>Praise God! I am this far. Just a little set back with Satan. <P>Love to all<BR>Renee

OK, After posting to other threads here tonight this is how im feeling.<P>I know that God is carrying me right now! Deep in my heart I know that. I just dont understand why i pray for this temptation to go away and it doesnt. I am getting weaker and weaker. H doesnt know that I was head over heels in love with OM. I know this is sick. I wont do it. But this is how bad I want this to work. I thought about sending me a note from anonymous. just to say hey and how are things doing. And he would think it was OM. That way he would maybe WAKE UP! I need H so bad right now! He doesnt even TRY! He will not do counseling. H is just in limbo. <P>IM SICK OF LIMBO!!!! I need LOVE and AFFECTION! Gosh! I wish I had kids to occupy my time. <P>God is the reason that I am here. I know that it is wrong. <BR>It is so easy to fall off the cliff right now! And send a note or call OM. I have even thought about leaving and just be alone. If this doesnt take a turn Im gonna fall.... God knows I dont want to. But Human nature and Satan. <P>What do i do?? How can I get H attention? I dont want anything with OM. Im on the roller coaster again and I HATE IT!!<P>I need prayers!!<BR>Renee<BR><P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Inamess,<P>I still so new to all this, my words may not mean anything yet, but maybe communicate to him. Let him know that back in Jan. you had fallen in love with OM. <P>The pain of the infidelity only was a flesh wound compared to the samuri sword that is twisting deep in my chest over the fact of her being In Love with OM has caused. If he understood the battle you go thruogh everyday maybe he would be more inclined to work it out with you, I'm sure he doesn't desire to be single.<P>I certainly don't.<P>

Homer,<P>I just cant bring myself to talk about ti with him. He told me that Satan was just trying to get to be again. He doesnt want to talk about it.<BR><P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Renee,<P>Good to see you woman... however, I wish it were under better circumstances...<P>Hang in there... we all know how it feels to be lonely and neglected.... but Renee, remember how OM treated you? You have to remember that... and don't allow yourself to get into that mess again...<P>I am praying for you, hon!<P>Lacee

Renee,<P>Your H doesn't see your pain... <P>Consider starting counseling <B>for just yourself</B>...<P>He will see you going (weekly, bi-weekly, or whatever...) and get a sense of the seriousness of your feelings...<BR>...if need be gradually increase the frequency!<P>Eventually... get your counselor to have him attend a session or two... for <B>your</B> benefit (of course)!<P>The counselling really <B>is</B> for <B>your</B> benefit!!! first and foremost...<BR>...maybe down the road...<BR>...it can be for his benefit too!<P>He needs to see more than just a good Plan A from you...<BR>...by starting counseling for yourself...<BR>...he may realize that <B>your</B> needs aren't being met!<P>Keep praying... <BR>Stay strong... <P>Satan is always too close...<BR>...and keep up your guard!<P> <P>Jim

Renee,<P>Have you told him you need his help in the battle? He needs to know the seriousness of the situation. He needs to know that he CAN help you and that you NEED him to help you. Continue to talk to him about it until he understands how important it is for him to support you. Not every minute of the day, of course, but when it gets real tough, let him know and ask him to help you, to pray with you, to hold you or SOMETHING.<P>I also agree with Jim about getting counseling for yourslef. If he doesn't want to go with you, go anyway. It will help you deal with the feelings toward the OM.<P>Stay strong.<BR>

inamess,<P>How are you today? I thought about what you posted about Dad and his behavior. Two thoughts come to mind.<P>1. Have you ever thought to enlist the help of your MIL? If she understands how demanding her H is, and how much her son wants to be happy. He does by the way. He wants Dad's approval and you as his wife. Just maybe the MIL would think that his marriage to you is important. If so perhaps she could take some of the edges off of Dad's demands and provide you and your H some breathing room.<P>2. Honestly Inamess I had another idea and the phone rang and by the time I got back it was gone. It was really good. <P>Inamess, listen to what TS has said to you. You need to tell your H how you feel about OM, but more importantly how you feel about Dad, H, and your interactions. It is killing your marriage and he needs to know it.<P>I suspect he does understand some of this because of the way you two are going on vacation. Inamess, let your H help or at least tell him what is going on. I know he knows something is happening, you have probably withdrawn from H, but I'll bet he thinks you simply don't love him or want to be with him. <P>What you are telling us, is that while OM has a strong pull, it is only strong because you feel you are in a vacuum. You do love H and you want the marriage to work. It is the circumstances(FIL) that seems to be destroying the marriage. Tell him inamess, you must. God works through you, but you must work for him to help.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

inamess,<BR>From what you've written it sounds like you haven't gone past an EA. So many things you said I understand too well.<P>"This sounds awful. But lastnight. I just said forget it! Im calling OM. I pray and Pray and nothing seems to change. I pray to fall in love woth H and it doesnt happen. Than I pray to get Om off my mind and it gets worse! So im trying so hard. I read the bible alot yesterday. I know that in my heart this marrigae is to stay together. I just dont know how though. I need a faith in christ seminar! I pray that he gives me the strength!!" <P>I prayed the same thing about my H and ended up moving into a PA. Don't do it! It is not worth it! Nothing could prepare me for the hell I am going through now.<P>"I know that God is carrying me right now! Deep in my heart I know that. I just dont understand why i pray for this temptation to go away and it doesnt. I am getting weaker and weaker."<P>Again I know the feeling all to well. I had never been so weak in my spiritual life. Don't try to stand up against it, RUN! HIDE! The feelings and the needs are so strong. Get help for yourself. A major problem for me was that I couldn't share what I was going through with anyone. Do you have someone to share with? My prayers will be with you. Keep posting.<BR>Tenderheart<P>

Tenderheart, Jl, and others,<P>Tenderheart<BR>God, Do I ever know what you feel like. I am contemplating in my mind over and over. Why it would hurt to call OM. <BR>I have tried to tell myself that I was not in love with him. That it was just infatuation. This week I am working local. I found myself today just stopping at the store to see if he came in. In the mean time I was praying that God didnt let me see him. I know that God is carry me right now. Praise him for that! I just dont seem to understand hwo something that felt so right can be so worng. It did turn into a PA at the end. My H doesnt know that though. After I told him I thought he was going to commit suicide. I will not tell him anymore. <BR>I just wonder why i cant be normal and be content with my life. <BR>Thanks Tender heart<P>JL<BR>I have spoke with him many many times about FIL. He knows that we are suppose to be spending quality time togather. But, since his father isnt a loving person. He could never espress to him that he loves me. This is a very sad situation. he is actually scared of his dad "i think". <BR>MIL has always catered to make FIL happy. He is the KINg in the family. He has treated the both of them like dirt for years. I would not feel comfortable to talk to her. They think that I am trash for leaving to begin with. Or the MIL doesnt. She just thinks you should stay there no matter what!<BR>I have discussed this with him for years. IM TIRED OF DISCUSSING!!!!<BR>IM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED!!<BR>I wont contact om. However I dont know what to do. I am ready to fly. Just get out of here. I can get over OM with time and GOd. I am just so so tired. Is this normal? For the last two days I have been plotting how to get out. <BR>I have done everything I know to do. This marriage is in Gods hans now. I have taken it and left it at the cross for him. The only reason I am still here is becasue what God says about divorce. I just dont understand the reason I have to go through this. <BR>I thought after the affair was revealed things would get better. I am now cutting the rope. I want to stay distant so I dont get hurt again. I just feel so hopeless.<BR>THIS THING IS NEVER GOING TO LAST OF GOD DOESNT CHANGE HEARTS.<BR>I only go to the thoughts of OM when H doesnt have anything to do with me. <BR>I guess Im just to needy and would be better off if I was single. i could atleast have my family to fill all the voids.<BR>Soory this is so long!<BR>THANKS SO MUCH GUYS!!!!<BR>This has been a crying moment!<BR>Renee<BR><P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

I just wanted to say thanks so much for your help!<P>I just feel taht I am at my end. Is this normal? I cant hurt H anymore.<P>My family needs your prayers. As I am thinking where is God? I know in my heart he is here.<BR>Thanks<BR>Renee

Renee,<P>I ahven't followed your story too well but I felt the urge to respond to your post. You sound so desperate and I imagine you feel that way too <P>I was married when I was barely 18. At that time I felt that if I got marride I could escape my mom and her mouth and control. Don't get me wrong-I did love my ex at the time. Then I thought if I jsut had a child we would be whole-the family stuff you used to see on TV. I was totally dependant on my ex. We argued constantly. Pretty soon there were two children and our arguing. My ex waas into drugs and drinking while I was at home trying to keep house and care for the kids as I thought was my "job". My ex started playing with my head-telling me I said things I never said, pushing buttons in order to start a fight so he could take off and do his thing.<P>One day I met my current H. IN fact-I met him through my ex. He too was going through some rough times in his marriage. His W didn't do anything with him but did everything with her family who lived right next door. He wanted a best friend, a companion and a wife. His words were "I want to be #1". I fell for the guy. He was saying all the things I was feeling. We had so very many things in common. <P>I need to stop here for a minute and tell everyone that this was before I knew a thing about computers or MB. And if I were to be totally honest I would have to admit that I have no regrets for the loss of my first marriage.<P>I too was ever so lonely. I too just wanted someone to "feel" the way I do about relationships and marriage and family and togetherness. But this is where I feel I was one of those few lucky ones. I got a good man.<P>Then my H had an affair with my friend. I suffered the loss of both of them in many ways. H is with me and has been since I was told of the affair but my life will never be the same.<P>Do you want to know what my first feeling was? Well-maybe my second feeling. The first was total shock. Then I was mad-mad at myself. Once again I had let myself become dependant on someone other than myself.<P>The rason I took the time to tell you all this is that you won't get total satisfaction from anyone-I mean ANYONE-other than YOU.<P>If you are lonely get out and go for a walk. Sign up for a scrapbooking class and learn a new hobby. Get a girlfriend and join a gym or water exercise class. You will soon learn that your mind can become preoccupied with anything that interests you.<P>I know all too well how a person can torture themselves with the full time thinking process. I have done it and I continue to do it. But unless we give ourselves something else to think about we are going to be pretty sure of where our minds will be.<P>I hope that you find what you need in life real soon. I am so sorry for your pain. I spent many years unhappy-like say 31 years. I was not the mom I wanted to be and I was not the person I wanted to be. <P>Your FIL sounds like little to be desired. I wish I had some help for you there-I really don't know what you can do in that situation. The saying is that blood is thicker than water and I have seen that to be true <P>I will add you to my prayers Renee-you have a lot of friends pulling for you. I think you stand a real good chance of getting over this hump in the coaster.<P>Best wishes,<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>