I need a place to let go of my feelings, because I can't talk to her.<P>She and I are sitting on the couch watching a movie. I'm still in a limbo not knowing where my life will go. She doesn't love me, and loves another man. She is not sure what she wants. <P>I look at her sitting there and her beautiful hair and her soft skin her big brown eyes and suddenly REALITY hits me right in the head. The only woman I ever loved no longer loves me and I feel so alone. I feel sick and lost. She is so beautiful her neck and her shoulders, I am such a dumb [censored] to let her slip away. <P>I ahd to come here and cry (I know not a good sign of strength). The good thing is she did not see me break down.<P>I'll sit up here a bit and go back to the TV.<P>Still on PLAN A finally learning how to control my emotions.<P>I figure how could she fight her emotions if I can't fight mine.<p>[This message has been edited by homer (edited July 05, 2000).]

Homer, <BR>Why is it a good thing that she not see you cry?<P>Arent' you human? Do you think she will think less of you? Do you want her to think you are emotionless and thus, strong?<P>It is a mistake not to show your tears. It's not a lovebuster. Believe me. Unless you use them to manipulate/make her feel guilty.<P>Strength is shown in alot of ways. BE REAL.<BR>Be courteous and respectful of her feelings. And be courteous and respectful when you reveal your feelings as well--but reveal them. It takes strength to do that.<P>If you could have told her exactly what you wrote above, you might have opened up a discussion. Or she might have stormed off the couch, but you would have at least given her a memory of your love that would stay with her forever. I thought it was sad but beautiful. And honest.<P>{{{{{{hugs}}}}}, Homer

Hey Homer,<P>All I have to say is your W is one lucky woman. She'll see it one day.<P>Glad you took a break from the movie to post. It was a good choice, cuz I know you don't want to LB and mess up an evening with your wife. Hey, you guys are doing normal stuff, watching a movie. There have probably been a few times you thought even than wouldn't happen anymore.<P>Wish we betrayed could find an on/off switch for our brains so we could enjoy the "normal" times and not let our thoughts get the best of us.<P>Keep up the great work.<P>allison

[QUOTE]Originally posted by homer:<BR><B>I need a place to let go of my feelings, because I can't talk to her.</B><P>Homer, when your feelings overwhelm your Plan A capabilities, or cause lovebusting, or cloud your judgement, or stop you from being a fun companion when it is most important for you to be one----- it is time for the anti-deps.<P>Have you talked to a doctor?<P>

Leilana,<P>I have cried in front of her, right after d-day I could barely walk I cried so hard, there comes a time when I have to be strong. She could not possibly be attracted to a guy who is pathetic all the time. I choose to hind my tears more often than not now, but she stills sees my emotion sometimes.<P>It is better for me to be pleasnt when we are together I think, I want her to fell at home around me from now on. I want her to like it here so that her heart may one day soon find its way back home.<P>I look back on the past 9 years and wish somebody would a hit me with a 2 by 4. I am ashamed at how badly I took my marriage for granted. Now when I see her jsut being quiet and casual, not noticeing me look at her, I realise that there is a real chance that I may have driven off the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love her, through all the pain. I am going to learn not do do anything but love her al I can.<P>Today was almost a LB free day. I did ask her about her conversation with him this afternoon. She had been testing me to see if i was going to look at her caller ID and I did. Other thatn that which came with out anger from either side. It was a pleasnt evening.<P><BR>

Mike,<P>I started Zoloft yesterday. I have never believed in these kind of things before. The Dr. said it would take around 2 weeks to start feeling the effects. I want a quick fix. She said those are the illegal kind. I laughed.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by homer:<BR><B>I started Zoloft yesterday. I have never believed in these kind of things before<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Good, Homer! You need something to get through this rough spot and allow you to be the best at Plan A that you can be.<P>I have a good feeling about your situation. You're a nice guy and showing such strength and patience. She'd be nuts to leave you. Hang in there, bud.<P>

homer, I think you will get your wife back eventually. If my husband would say any of the things you say and feel about your wife, I am positive things would progress so much more quickly for us. Instead he belittles my moral character and has NEVER taken any responsibility for the downfall our marriage in the way that you have. You realize your wife's affair is 100% her fault, but you still express your regrets in not treating her the way she needed to be treated in such a sweet and heartfelt way. I envy your wife right now. My H comes at me with nothing but anger and I'm afraid anger is all I am able to return to him as a result. You are headed in the right direction.

Homer,<p><P>I have been following your posts here and I just hope you are ok. I am the betrayer and your posts let me see what I have done to my husband and my family. My husband is in many ways in love with me as you speak of your wife but I ended my affair and am now doing everything in my power to keep my family together. The day I realised what I did to all of us I did an almost 180. I am on anti depressants myself and after a little more then a week the change in my mood is almost overwhelming. I have this little grin on my face all day and I am thinking so clear. My husband sees the difference for life at home had become unbearable and I knew he was getting ready to have an affair. That spooked me. I was so afraid he would fall in love with another woman and leave me since I became such a monster at home the confession was my only way out of the mess I had created.<p> It has only been a month since my confession to my husband. What a month it has been. After the initial fighting the first few weeks life has been very good.<p><P>I wish I could grab your wife and explain all this to her. I wish she could see what I see. As dysfunctional as your marraige was that led her to the affair ...the dysfunction in her affair is even worse. The sad thing is she is so blinded right now with this guy she is not thinking clear. If you can get her on anti depressants for a short time perhaps she will start thinking clear. The more I think the sicker I get about what I have done but that makes me fight even harder to please my husband and make our lives together now as great as they should have been all along. In one short month I am no longer defensive and bitter.<p><P>I am praying for you.

Hi Homer:<P>Well, "Mama told you there'd be days like this" and sure nuf here they are. Don't worry about it...they happen to everyone...just know that you did the right thing is not showing your emotions before her right now, because she would not appreciate it and probably could not handle it.<P>Besides this is just a momentary thing...you'll be back believing in what you're doing before long...just keep coming back to this board and reaffirming to yourself that all this effort is going to pay off in the future. Ups and downs are normal...just be prepared to deal with them without LBing.<P>Remember confusion is part of all this...on your part and on hers...and what is said is not necessarily what is real...only what is true to the believer.<P>You need to be strong to show her your belief in possibilities..the possibility that the love between you is strong enough to survive this affair and the possibility that the marriage will be even better in the future if you both are given the opportunity to work on it.<P>You need to believe very strongly because her belief may be weak in the face of her new relationship with OM. Signs of doubt on your part may play into doubts of her own. <P>Be strong...like you've been up to now.<P>Buffy<BR>