First of all thanks to all for the encouragement. I continue to find myself overwhelmed by the out pouring of support and hope offered here. NoMas, ours is a terrible web that we have woven and I can only hope and pray that I can at least find my way back into my W's heart. Maybe I am not really out of it yet. The pain and the valleys that you describe are so real, but I never expected to be in such a deep canyon. Lately I have found myself struggling with the emotions and feelings for the OW. I suppose given the circumstances that is natural? My W and I have been married 12 yrs (June 25th) not one of our better anniversaries this year, but she did receive a card, single red rose, and some new additions to her antique collection. Did not want her thinking she had been forgotten. We have 3 children, all girls ages 10, 6, & 5. Yes, NoMas...pain sucks...and I have never felt the pain and humiliation I feel now. If only I could somehow convey this to my W without her thinking it's just another ploy. By all means feel free to e-mail me. (jaybee@penn.com) As I am not at home I stop by my parents to use their computer so feel free to send to me.<P>To lostsoulmate & marie...What can I say, the words to fight and not give up made today a bit easier. I realize that each person is different and that my W & I will each have our own issues. I guess what I am searching for now is advise from BW's on how strongly to fight without pushing her away. In her words she "does not wish to be around me". Since we are separated (her request)I do my best to stop by the house and take care of the little things, hug the kids, etc., but I sense that in her present state of mind that space is what she needs. That scares me!<P>Oh Oh...just got called to dinner by mom...yes I know, aren't mom's great...do not know where I would be right now without my parents support. Will check back

Looking4Suz: I hope it's not to late for you. But realize there is a breaking point for us. You have a valid reason to be scared that your W wants space. The few times I asked my H to leave I was actually at peace and ready to move on. I felt good about myself. This scared me too. I didn't want to not have feelings for my H anymore. I knew I loved him deeply. But that I'd be OK without all this misery, regardless of the lonliness.<P>You know your W the best. Give her the space she needs. Plan A the best you can. But even if it takes months and months don't give up on her. She's is wounded deeper than you can ever imagine. Love her. Tell her how much you mean to her. If you can't do it to her face do it in a letter. Over the phone. With a note. Any way possible. Prove to her you'll stand by her with all your being. That you won't let her go. And don't. She's hanging on by her nails. You are standing above her. Don't let her fall. Pull her back up. You can do it.<P>Please keep me posted. I have faith in you. Please don't let me down. I want the best for your marriage and your family. When your W sees you giving everything you've got even though she's told you it's over she'll come around. She loves you. She's just injured. The best way "right now" for her to heal is to guard herself and have a focal point (moving on). Once she starts to heal and still sees you standing next to her she'll let you in again. Good Luck. Please help your W. I have faith. LSM<p>[This message has been edited by lostsoulmate (edited July 19, 2000).]

I’m not sure about the details of your story, but mine was pretty much of a long-distance relationship via internet and phone, with one brief meeting back in Dec. I confessed to my wife afterwards, and thought I could 'break it off" with my friend. I could not. And that was my downfall. I would have never believed you in a million years had you told me two years ago this could have happened to me.<P>Without knowing much of your story, I can tell you that the emotional ties to the OW can be very real and influential. Depending on how close you got to her will determine this. Some guys get involved for the 'sex' and it is not problem to cut the woman loose. That was not the case for me. We became..."best friends" in every sense of the word. <P>What is tough in your case...is when thing don't go well on the home-front, there is a real temptation to 'run back' to the OW. I don't know, again, the details of your story, and if she is even in the 'picture'. But I can tell you, your wife is very much trying to protect her heart, sanity, peace of mind....and especially the kids. <P>And any source of pain....becomes a threat to all that. Sadly, us betraying husbands...are a 'source' of that pain. <P> I don't know that I will have much time to log on to check the boards in the next few days. Then, I am leaving on Monday out of town for a week for a ’semi-family’ vacation. (wife and one child are working and unable to go...and I am going back east to visit family )<BR> But I will check in from my parent's house. I would like to offer any support I can. I am due here to be more of a ‘giver’ than a ‘taker’ I will be in touch with you if you need any support, answers, etc. Don't look for quick cures. Focus on your wife's pain. And one thing that has helped...is reading all the heartbreaking stories of other betrayed wives who verbalize their pain on the forum. It will help you better understand your wife and where she is at. <P> Did you read my response to you on your earlier thread and the book recommendation?<P>Hang in there...it will be a long ride.<BR>