Hi All,<P>Been away a bit, have been reflecting on recent events in court. Also lots of struggles with understanding "why" my H is so interlocked with OW (his guilt and empathy).<P>After much thought, I really wonder if the MB principals are as effective on a marriage where the WS is a serial cheater. My H has done this twice (confirmed but possibly more) in the last 10 years.<P>My feelings are he may very well have something profoundly wrong with him and perhaps the MB principals may not apply. <P>I very much believe in the "EN" and "Love Bank" theory and Plan A and Plan B too, but my Therapist tells me my H is psychotic in his actions.<P>This post isn't me questioning or doubting the MB principals, it's me asking can it apply to situations where the WS continues to make it a way of life.<P>I liked to hear from those who have successfully made it to recovery where your WS was a serial cheater. And anyone else who may have an answer for me.<P>Jo<P>------------------<BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"

I don't have an answer for you, but there is another Web site...don't know the address, but it is Vaughn-Vaughn, I believe.<P>It is a H/W team who have authored books after recovering from the H's multiple affairs.<P>Maybe someone will know the exact address.

Hey Daisy Jo,<P> How are you doing?<BR> Sorry about all the court crap you're having to put up with.<P>I don't really have an answer for you,either.But,I felt the same about my W;if she doesn't have something not quite right in the harddrive.All the MB principles in the world won't work on someone who's missing a few shingles off their roof(ya know what I mean,jellybean?)<BR>She claimed this was her first affair,but had thought about cheating before,several times(thanks,hon,I didn't know that).Maybe some people just aren't suited for marriage,period.<P>I think the site FHL is refering to is the DearPeggy.com site.It has a ton of stuff about affairs.Check it out.<BR> <BR>Take care,Daisy Jo.<P> ~~Murph

Hi Resilient,<P>Ok I am in a serial cheater kind of relationship. For three years now Tony has cheated, tried to cheat, and even thought about cheating. This March/April found AOL IM on his computer. <P>He loves his AOL. They make it so easy to cheat. He set up the account. Denies it till the cows came home and went out again. I just do not have it me to trust him anymore.<P>I tried the MB stuff in the beginning when I found this site but being nice to him just did not help. I emplamented Tough love and MB. I set boundries. Funny thing for someone who really has no desires for a child I am raising one. Big old baby named Tony. He has no concept of repercusions to our actions. He is a prime example of a hedionist. He only thinks of himself. Not of my feelings. <P>I should give him credit he is getting better. But it has such a toll on me and my well being.<P>Sorry long and borring digression. I think in a situation like mine or yours... MB has some good guidlines but that can not be all. MB is assuming both partners are fully mature adults. Not someone trying to be stupid little kid 24/7. I think Tough Love with MB makes more sense. They have to see the boundries and know the outcome in advance. <P>For example: You have so many days to do this for our marriage or this will happen. <P>This is what I am doing. I see some resaults but I also feel like I am the parent and I have to spank him if he gets out of line. I resent that. I want a relationship with an adult. Tony has a lot of problems. I think for one thing he is a sex addict and his parent's have instilled in him the belief that he can do what ever he wants when he wants too and it is ok because they will clean up the mess. <P>Sorry long winded. I am in a strange mood today.

I am pretty sure that once you get away with it once, it is easier to try it again and again.<P>Besides, a cheating experience is usually a pleasant one, and if you can separate cheating from your real life, not intertwine the two in your conscience, it makes it a whole lot easier.<P>My hubby, after having a affair, became a cyber-sex addict. I know that he actually met one of his cybersex friends in person and took her out on the town. He says that they did not have sex in real life. Stupid, because I believe him.<P>The site is Dr Peggy Vaughn, I love it. I have copied a lot of stuff from her website.

Here you go:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.vaughan-vaughan.com/myth.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.vaughan-vaughan.com/myth.html</A>

Jo,<BR>The MB principles do work because they stem from the servant attitude that Jesus showed us by His example. You sound as though you are a Christian. Read the book of Hosea and see the parallels: you are in the role of Hosea and your H is in the role od Gomer. <P>My pastor had me read it and after hearing J. Vernon Magee preach on Hosea on the radio, it dawned on me that God wanted me to marry my W for a reason similar to Hosea. The tone of your post gives me the same feeling about you situation. I am praying for you as well as everyone else here on this forum.<BR><P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net