In two weeks it will be our 7th anniversary. But I am feeling a little, can't really desribe it. To me an anniversary is the celebration of your love and commitment. Well her commitment wasn't there 5 months ago when she was having her internet affair. Even though we are working things out and everything is a lot better, I still feel I guess blasay (sp?) about it. I still love her andshe says she still loves me, but with the anniversary coming so close after finding out, it's a little weird. Just wanted some thoughts from others. Thanx. <BR>PS sorry for the rambling. I don't express myself real well. <BR>

Why not think of it as a new beginning? Our anniversary was 3 weeks after he ended the affair (which was also when I found out about it). We went on a trip to "start over again" and it was really nice. I know how hard it is, but try to look on it as a new beginning.

Pegasus -<P>I agree, think of it as a new beginning. My H and I went to a wedding recently, and I got very emotional when it came to the vows. It was only four short years ago that I was making those same vows . . .and look at what I had done? I was the one who ruined the fairy tale.<P>Anyway, I told my H how I was feeling, and I told him that I felt like I had violated our vows and that the ones we said four years ago were null and void. I wanted to make a new promise to him. We are four months into recovery, and we're doing really well. <P>Anyway, our anniversary is in Nov, but we are going on vacation next week. My H said that he didn't want to wait until our anniversary to "renew" our vows. So, we are writing new vows, new promises this week for each other and then we're going to share them with each other on vacation.<P>For me, as a betrayer, I'm a little scared. Even though we we'll only be reading these to each other (That's what we both wanted), I feel this anxiety. I don't, I just hope I don't mess up again. In my heart, I know my H is my one and only . . .I just don't want to mess up - cause I didn't know why the A occurred in the first place (I wasn't looking for it to happen).<P>Anyway, I know it hasn't been long since discovery, but maybe you can make promise statements to each other. Maybe it's a promise to be honest about your feelings . . .Maybe it's a promise to do your share of laundry. . .Maybe it's a promise to love and respect each other - no matter what happens.<P>An anniversary should not be a sad occasion, but you may need to do something to make it a happy occasion again. Do something fun, have a good time . . .you two deserve it.

Thanx for the ideas. I would like to do something like that, but my wife has said she would never promise anything to anyone ever again. So I guess I will just have to see what happens. <BR>

My anniversary is coming up also. Actually we have two. In Sept we always celebrated our first time we made love, our wedding A is in Oct. Sept was always the more special of the 2 celebrations because we were celebrating being lovers. As these dates fast approach I am nervous too. As the betrayer, the guilt of ruining my vows is overwhelming. My H and I have been getting along so well for the past few weeks and for those of you following me you know I have to return to Maine after spending my summer in California with him. He will be remaining here until the end of Sept, maybe longer. This means we will probably not be together on either date.<P>This makes me feel worse that he will be out here alone. I have been toying with the idea of starting a new anniversary but am not sure if it is a good idea. Shortly before we came out to CA my husband told me he wanted a new wedding band. His had been lost a couple of years before by me. I have been searching for new bands for both of us, but he is not ready for that to happen yet. I think we have decided that when he forgives me then it will be time. So maybe that is when we should have a new anniversary. Does this mean we should not celebrate the ones in place?? I don't know what to do...any suggestions would be helpful. I leave CA in a week and a half and if I am to do anything here it will have to be soon. Thanks for your input. God Bless you all.

Our six-year anniversary is also coming up in September. Our relationship is in such limbo right now, it hurts to even think about that date approaching. I know it's still a few weeks away and a lot can happen between now and then, but if we are still at odds with each other the way we are now, it's gonna be one of the harder days of my life. My H wants divorce and I don't.<P>God Bless, KristyAnn

God, life can be depressing sometimes. I guess it doesn't matter which spouse you are, when you are trying to work things out, certain things are going to be hard to over come. I mean not only is the anniversary coming up, but some times she says things like "just for you" or every once in a while when she says " I love you", I just cringe. I want to shout "ya right". But hopefully the anniversary will give us a chance for new beginnings. Maybe we should all just pick new dates for the anni's. Like Valentines Day or Christmas. Days when love and family are supposed to be the most important. <BR>

Don't let the upcoming day go unnoticed. It still holds a special meaning even if things look bleak. Our 12th Anniversary came just 1 month after my W found out about my renewed involvement with the OW. Although she (W) was not home (visiting her family) I got her a special card and gift as a gesture of love and renewal. Every situation is a bit different, but don't let the day go by without some mention...even a little sticky note to say "I LOVE YOU" will let her know you still care.

I agree with LookingforSUz, try not to let the days go unnoticed. As I mentioned, H and I are going to write new vows - or promise statements - but that may be too soon for some in recovery. In October, I have already made plans to celebrate the five-year anniversary of the day my H proposed to me. Our anniversary isn't until November - so I still have time to adjust to that.<P>It really is a shame - for both partners - that an anniversary might be a sad occasion, but if you are trying to work things out - just try to make the day fun and don't let it go unnoticed. Even if one partner wants a divorce - try to do something special for yourself on that day - go to a day spa, have lunch/dinner with some friends. If it were me, and I wanted a divorce, I would probably still send my H a card - even if it was just a Thinking About You card versus an anniversary card. But that's just me, I can be very sentimental . . .

pegasus, boy did your post hit a nerve. I think that is why I am so nervous about the anniversary. I want my H to know how much I care but since I am the betrayer it is difficult for me to know that when I tell my H I love him, that he may very well be thinking - yeah right, since when...<P>We have come a long way, I think, but I know that he still feels that way sometimes. How do you tell someone you have always loved them when you did something so horrendous that love doesn't seem to have been in the picture? How do you live with yourself everyday knowing that you could be so cruel and in your mind you never intended to hurt the OS...it never even entered your pea brained mind...<P>well I am not going to let either day go unnoticed and I think I will make a new day anyway...just so we have something happy to celebrate...

Thanx for the ideas. I don't know what I am going to do right now. I guess I will have to wait until the 28th to see how I feel. I love my wife and will get her something, but don't know what yet.<P>SKM. I not only can be sentimental but can be very emotional for a guy. <P>Starry-eyed. Thanx for letting me see it from your perspective. I hope my wife feels the same way. Good luck to you. <P>GOOD LUCK TO US ALL. I hope we all learn from these experiences and can make our marriages better than they ever were. <BR>

My first anniversary is sept 18th,H has been gone 3 & half wks,can't believe that before we've been married a year,we've separated,we have 2 wks holiday booked as we were going to go away somewhere.we are talking,but if you read my messages i'm getting very mixed messages right now from him,plus OW is still on the scene,don't know how i'll cope on th day,its not something i ever thought i'd be spending alone.

Dizzy DO NOT SPEND ANNIVERSARY ALONE!! If he won't spend it with you go out with friends or got to a relatives. Trust me. This is not the time to be alone a lot. Especially on the 18th. Beleive me I know. My W was out of town when I discovered her IA. If I had owned a gun I might be dead and not in recovery. Talk to someone and express your feelings. Try not to be negative but just talk. Good luck. <BR>