After discovery of betrayal did your in-laws support the actions of their cheating child or did they lend you support? I know that the betrayer will always be their child but in my case it seems they just enable and coddle her bahaivor of cheating on me so that they won't look badly themselves.

In both instances of divorce, the in-laws sided with their blood. The first time, I believe it was because the ex lied so viciously and they just didn't know better. After it was all said and done, the truth came out, and my MIL was sorry she treated me so badly.<P>With this current cheater, the in-laws have kicked me out of the family without so much as a backward glance! I believe their complete abandonment of me made it harder for my H to consider reconciliation because it made it very obvious that they never really supported the relationship to begin with. There is nothing in the world that could ever happen that would make the STBX any less a saint and me any more the outsider. <P>Sad, but true. <P>My family, on the other hand, has supported our staying together. Not because they think he's such a great guy, but because they know how much I loved him and how happy we were.

It's rather ironic, that I have not really gotten along with my in laws until my H told them about his A. Since then, they have been my biggest support. Obviously, they will always love their son, but have made it very clear that they do not approve of what he's doing and will do whatever they can to support me and the kids through it.

My MIL's heart is broken. She says she doesn't feel like she knows her son. He comes from a close knit family including extended. She supports me and the kids and believes this is his problem, however, she loves him, as any mother should.<P>His brothers and sisters feel the same. I have been very fortunate, because they are my only family.

Funny about this topic coming up this weekend. <P> I have always been allowed to visit my mil, I had been invited to Thanksgiving by a bil but W seemed to hide from her family.<BR>My mil, because she was unable to drive, has and will call to have me transport her to lunch. I don't know for certain, it may not be possible for the BILs to accept what their sister is doing but since have allowed me some continued contact with them. <P>rrunrr<BR><P>------------------<BR>Almost anything can be undone or forgiven.<P>Never take trust for granted.

My in-laws support me and made it clear that they did not want to meet OW and she was not welcome to their home or family functions. He shared that a couple months back OW insisted that the family meet and get to know her, but he told her it was not a good time. Personally, I think she'd get a warmer reception at the North Pole. <P>My mother-in-law stayed with me for a few months beginning the day he moved out. She and I were always very close, in fact she sometimes feels closer to me than to her own children. I get along very well with his siblings as well, and they were all surprised and disappointed by this. So, I have a special bond with all of them. My mother-in-law took this very hard and at my lowest she often said she didn't like her son for hurting me so much. His siblings don't really talk to him about this as they generally stay out of his business, but they will talk to me about anything and everything.<P>Anyway, H is no longer are involved with OW. We're going to counseling and our families would love to see us together again. Uncomfortable and awkward period right now for all of us.

MIL did not go out of her way to speak to me the 9 mos we were separated, only spoke on the phone if I happened to be visiting and answered it. Since reconciliation we talk like nothing ever happened. We have a very superficial relationship. The bil's didn't have much to say about it, unfortunately this has been a family trait, which has come up in our recovery discussions.

I've never really gotten along with my MIL, and I hadn't talked to her since the beginning of the A. I saw her last week, and she patted me on the back and whispered "I hope she chooses you. I still think of you as my son-in-law, and I hope it works out, because you're the best thing that ever happened to her."<P><BR>Pretty surprising, actually!<P>

Interesting question....<P>Well, my MIL begged me to forgive her "golden boy" and my FIL asked his son, "What did you do?...are you crazy????".<P>They both continue to support us 100% as we rebuild our marriage. They insist that we call them for anything we need--time alone, just to talk, babysitting services...and also continue to request honest, loving, and concerned updates!...WOW, I LOVE THIS FAMILY .<P>On the other hand, my mom sobbed and said she JUST COULDN'T BELIEVE IT and asked if I would fight for my H. Meanwhile, my dad said he was glad he lived 700 miles away from us because if he were any closer he'd beat the sh#t out of H --gee, thanks dad!!!...<P>Once the initial shock wore off, my parents also offered their full support and have expressed their happiness in the fact that we are *making it*.<P>Peace, ~Marie

While my H and I were separated, they supported me (the betrayer). They thought it would be better if we didn't get back together. My parents didn't find out about the affair until after the fact and me and my H were back together when they did find out. I didn't actually tell my dad but I did tell my mom. I'm sure she told my sisters who would then tell my dad. To this day, my parents still support me but only because they don't really like my H. Actually they hate him but accept him only because he is my H. My dad talks more with my H than my mom does.<P>On the other hand, my in-laws supported us as a team. They were always there to fully support my H while we were seperated but really wanted us to be together as a family unit and even though they know about the affair, they support us fully and don't try to tear us apart at all.

Good timing on this thread for me. My MIL and I were friends, but not now. Now she is friends with the OW instead. And you know girls, how hard it is to have three girls be friends toghether! Hahaha My H and I have been seperated for 8 months and I've called my MIL a few times to say "How is your knee?" after it was hurt, ect. and made sure not to use it to get the scoop about my H. She supports him big time and blames me for everything in our marriage that was negotitable (where we lived, that we had a child, that my H picked our son up from daycare every day (I worked later), etc.!)I also told her, in the beginning of his A that the OW was using her to get to him and that the reasons she gave me that my marriage was trash were all bs - because my H had every chance to change the decisions when we were making them and he didn not want to. I don't think many people have stood up to her before like that. Anyway,my in-laws have been out of town for a few months and my H has changed his tune towards me. I'm fearful that she will fill his head with crap again and that it will go back to the bad days. He tells me to ignore what she says when it is "crap" - but is he able to? When MOM speaks, I don't care how old you are - it still sticks in your head as a meter to how you interpret your world! <BR>JR61- I am sure she will act like yours did as this is the family way to deal with problems. Act like the never exsisted! My therapist and I are discussing how to handle this so that we will not have a superficial relationship (hopefully) but I know I can't teach an old dog (b*tch) new tricks...Iam4us<BR>

My MIL loves me to death. We talked about the A, what happened in Dallas, and she was literally in tears. She doesn't want us to break up because of our son and she really likes me & thinks I'm good for him, but she also said that I don't deserve to be treated the way that I have been and I can do better.

My In-Laws were terribly saddened upon learning their son had a long A. It also hurt them ever so much to see me in so much pain. They had noticed and basically figured out what had happened before he ever told them. He had to tell them as I had kicked him out of the house at one point and he went "home" for a bit.<P>I have two sets of parents. Both know that H had an affair. While they weren't any of them happy about it they know how deep my love for H is and they also know that he has a ton of great qualities that somehow balance his wrong doing a bit.<P>We don't discuss it but at least all the parents know when I am distant and down what the "true" problem is. They allow me to hurt as I heal. <P>Never once have they bad mouthed my H-his parents did tell him he had a lot of work to do to rebuild my trust in him. And yes he is their son but they did tell him how wrong he was for doing what he did.<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR><p>[This message has been edited by heartache (edited August 25, 2000).]

Thank God for my H's womderful family. They werer totally there for me. Thye all knew about the separation but only his sister and her H knew about the affair (I told them) and it really ticked them off. MIL said that if he was haviong an affair the wh--e would never enter her home. She was convinced H had a brain tumor and his brother's figured he was having a breakdown (pretty close). Of course H totally distanced himself from his family at teh time due to his guilt and shame. Once we got back together in addition to us becoming closer he becasme musch closer to his family too.

(WS onto this)<p>[This message has been edited by weep (edited September 01, 2000).]

Hi Gang,<P>Just wanted to add what is happening in my situation.<P>You know, I never really gave my MIL much of a chance in my 19 year marriage. I saw only her faults. Big mistake...BIG.<P>She has been there for me 110% during all of this. She has a fatal illness and I am sorry now that I wasted so many years I could have been getting to know this woman.<P>My H's entire family is shocked and outraged at his behaviour. Of course they love him to death, but each and every one of them have called me to assure me that I will always be part of their family, and to tell me that they love me.<P>I have gotten some pretty good insights about my H's personality and problems he may have thru his family. They support me completley, but will never alienate my H. This is somehow a blessing that has come out of my H's affair. I do wish I would not have blabbed to them about his A. I needed support at the time and justified my actions, but it hurt H deeply that he has lost respect in the eyes of his siblings.<P>allison

Hah! Talk about support! We have a V.A. loan on our house with my wife’s name on top. My FIL told me to, “move out immediately & lket her deal with it.” But alas my name is on it also. All of my BIL’s told me if I wanted them to “kick some a$$” they would be more than happy.<P>Since December, my wife hasn’t contacted anyone, including her parents, except our children. She hasn’t called them in over three weeks.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Funny this week Tony and I have been together for three year. For three years Tony has cheated off and on again via the Internet. For three years his Mom has done anything and everything in her power to break us up.<P>This summer I was not invited to Nantucket with them. Not that it does not hurt my feelings I hate going. It gets old very fast. I think she hates me because I stand up to her and tell her to mind her own business. His entire family has problems with boundries.<P>I have to admit when we went to Maine this past weekend with his family they were nice to me and his Mom even bought me earrings. I was in shock. So maybe they finally got it that Tony might be a lot of the reasons why we fight in this relationship. Or Tony has stoped lying to them about me. Who knows.

I've gotten full support from my MIL and SIL who say I will always be part of the family... so far. My BIL who was just cheating on his live in girlfriend I am less sure of,although he told me he was sorry I was going through this crap.<P>I just called my MIL yesterday and she said she didn't want to call because she was afraid she would get my H and she wasn't sure she wanted to talk to him! Sometimes I feel sorry I told them about it, but they are my only family here too and I needed the support. I can't keep it all inside.<BR>Lora

The thing I have loved most about my MIL is that she doesn't support any one of us over the other. If she believes we have been wrong, she will honestly let us know. She is supportive of her son, but not his actions. In that way she is more on my side about the A. But always, she is supportive of "us", and lets us know if she feels we aren't doing something we should be, whether it's her son or I. This is really appreciated, because she doesn't harp on it, she mentions it, and then leaves us to make the changes. I have the all time best MIL in the world, I wouldn't change her for anything in the world. She has also stated that we (her and I) will always be friends no matter what happens between H and I, and I will always be welcome at her door. Isn't she a treasure? She even called me at work to check up on me and make sure I was doing okay during the seperation when H and I weren't in contact.