Why is it that a person that has cheated is acceptable at home. If my husband had been harder to me iam sure i had comeback long time ago. If he had told me that if i moved out i could not come back, man i had thought twice before i left. and i say more thing. When one is really in-love, really of another person is very difficult to get it back. Does that are cheatting just because there is something missing in the marriage but still love the person when a little presure is put on, they know how to act. You excuse me, maybe i got a different point of view do not mis understand me, one got to try for a marriage to work on, but does that means having a partner that is cheatting living with you, making love to you. YUCK!!! maybe for that i do not have a little respect for my H. Man and Woman, there is something called. Pride, and sometimes does really works.<P>Leticia.

I read your profile and your post and i have to say I don't understand you. <P>You talk about "PRIDE"; let's talk about "COMMITMENT". What does commitment mean to you? What does trust mean to you? What does marriage mean to you?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>do not mis understand me, one got to try for a marriage to work on<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>How exactly are you trying to make your marriage work?<P>You seem to have pride that you haven't cheated on your lover for seven months. Now that you are deeply in love with this new man, let's turn this around a little. Let's say, you marry him and he cheats on you! What are you going to do then?<P>Why exactly are you here at Marriage BUILDERS? you don't seem to be working on your marriage. In fact, you seem to be gloating about your affair.<P>Fool No More

Leticia,<P>One can only see the world from his/her own perspective; I can use guidelines, search for opinions, look for options but at the end the choice I make is and always will be my sole responsibility. However, sometimes the options are not so clear, like two sailors lost at sea during a storm, one sick and the other one in command; he can try to interpret signals in the sky, feel the wind and decide which string to pull, which sail to use; they may die if he makes the wrong decisions, or they may make it. At that moment it does not matter who was in command when the ship hit the storm, or if nobody saw it coming. Survival is the only priority.<P>I cannot be judgmental, I cannot understand many things, but if I am not wrong the issue posted is apparently cultural, which includes semantics. If this is the issue let's not get confused with the terms “pride” (orgullo) and “greed” (soberbia); when I am greedy I don’t accept my own mistakes and my responsibility. I used to say (and think) that if my wife cheated me it would be the end of the relationship. This is easy; it takes no work and socially would be perfectly acceptable. Fortunately, this isn’t my case- they say that the betrayed is always the last person to know about his/her spouse’s affair, but in my case, I was the first one to know- she told me. Am I proud of it? NO. But because I know that she loves me and now I know a little more about betrayal I can work on it. Would I ever get her back? I DO NOT KNOW. Will I die trying? NO, I will survive. Do I hate her? NO, I am very sad.<P>Leticia, YOU HAVE TO MAKE DECISIONS and this is the real issue; I don’t see you being proud or happy of cheating, I see that you let others decide for you: “If my husband had been harder to me I am sure I had come back long time ago”, and in another post you mentioned something like “my boyfriend is not giving me enough time”. It’s so easy and at the same time so hard to blame others and then feel miserable because of THEIR decisions.<P>As for commitment, I don’t agree with Fool No More; love commitment means to me that I WANT THE BEST FOR THE BELOVED PERSON, EVEN IF THE BEST DOESN’T INCLUDE ME. Now this is a hard decision too. Years ago we had an alcoholic employee, we convinced him to go to AA and he agreed as long as we went with him the first meeting. At the meeting one guy was showing off (it’s not a joke) about how much he suffered while drinking… sleeping in the streets… losing family and friends, etc. and was basically looking at everybody else over the shoulder BECAUSE HE COULD SUFFER THE MOST!!! Then this otherwise ignorant man made a wise comment that I have always remembered: “we people are like water wells, some are deep, some shallow, some can hold so much water, some do not- the bottom is never at the same distance from the surface; in the same token some people can stand a lot of pain and some not, some are strong and some not, some are brave and some not, but a water well never judges other wells like we humans do”.<P>I don’t know about you but I don’t enjoy suffering and I cannot afford to be miserable- I owe it to myself, to my daughter, to my parents and siblings, to the people I work with, and believe it or not, I owe it to my wife. I’ll always be her friend no matter what.<P>And YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF. Stop thinking that you are too young because sooner than expected you’ll look back and will find yourself being too old. GET COUNSELING, make a decision.<P>We love you.<P>ThisAlex<P>PS: No, I am not American, something that you possibly don’t know because of your difficulties in English. I am Mexican with Spaniard, French & Yaqui (indian) blood, an all-macho ancestry- fortunately not me. W was born in Germany and her family moved to the US when she was 6. She came to this Mexican town for a 3-month stay 16 years ago, a few days after I arrived for a one-month trial. We met the following year and fell in love. The rest is history that we are still writing.<P>------------------<BR>If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about Trust and Awareness.<p>[This message has been edited by ThisAlex (edited December 09, 1999).]