I had pretty much figured that I would not come back here--thought that I was done and the fat lady was blasting out the last note of her cresendo.<P>You all know that I moved back to my home town and was staying with my parents, looking for a job and trying to figure out what to do with my children (I have my son from H--WS--with me. I have two daughters that live here in the county with their father and step mother and I have enjoyed having them with me at least 3 days out of every week--at the expense of fighting with step "mom" over them.)<P>I have worked so hard at finding a job--a good job, that would support three kids (I must pay child support, which was based on the pretty good income that I made in the military, and which I have been behind on due to attempting to follow my husband in his career.) I was almost ready to give up. I was going to start delivering pizzas and get food stamps--and I thought that this was horrible.<P>At the last minute, I applied for and was offered a good job--no! A GREAT job--at one of the big PC manufacturing firms in the area. This is a job that would make us all very comfortable. The night before I was to give my decision to take it, I couldn't sleep at all. And the reason for this was that I thought about all the reasons that I could blame myself for the failure of my marriage, and that I couldn't possibly raise my son without his father. Well, I could do it--but my kid? What about him? What about his life and his future--I didn't want him to be raised the way I was. I mean, my parents put plenty on the table for me and my brothers, but when it came to supervising us and taking part in our lives, we were pretty much on our own. I couldn't take my little guy away from his dad forever.<P>So I called my husband in Japan and said "I got a job. But before I take it, I want to ask one last time if there is any hope. Before you say 'no,' let me propose something: I come back to Japan. You can have your stupid girlfriend. I will sleep in the master bedroom, and you can take your office that I worked so hard to decorate and put a futon in it. (I know how much you like futons--great for sexy encounters.)I will get my $5.65 an hour job back at the gym and try to be gone every evening so that you won't have to talk to me, while you babysit for me, as I will babysit for you during the day. And I will leave you alone about your Miss Kitty. I would be doing this for our child."<P>This all was pretty much a bluff--I did still have a lil' bit of affection left for him, despite his crazy yelling. I have been trying my best to using those "filters" when listening to him holler at me, but not doing too well at it. But I figured that I should at least figure out how to get back to Japan, first. Who could work on a marriage when an ocean separates the two partners?<P>I love Japan; I cry for the place, I miss all of my friends there terribly. My own hometown is so dreary, and since I left it to go out on my own, I have never looked back. I feel "sentenced" to staying here. I would be very happy to go back, just to be in Japan and to live in the pretty house that I had with my husband, even if he slept in the other room.<P>Well, he proceeded to freak out when I called: "No way! You suck! You are a liar! (I have never told any significant lies to him. )I am tired of your crap! All you do is feel sorry for yourself, telling people all my secrets (meaning this forum) and if that's your way of working things out, to H-E-double-hockey-sticks with you! You will never come back here! Not even for the kid's sake."<P>Well, ol boy had about $2.05 left in my love bank in the first place. Right there and then, he withdrew it and closed the account. I said "Fine, if that's the way you feel, I will deal with it."<P>The next day, I went to my final interview and commited to taking the job. I then went out and bought clothes--nice winter clothes that both the little guy and I will need. I looked into getting him into private school (the same Christian school that I went to--I figured it was safe now, my husband claims to be an atheist and refused to let him attend a Christian school--but now, what could he say?)<P>I looked at some nice apartments and considered how I was going to move the two wicker chairs, the bed, the little maple table, my PC, and the box of dishes and pots and pans that my mom gave me. I was excited! Starting over!<P>Then I got to thinking: I have a GI bill from the army--I have $30,000 to spend on school! So, I decided to get signed up for a class or two, finish my degree, brush up on my Russian, which I abandoned years ago to learn Korean. I was so crazy excited--I love to learn!<P>And I thought about spending the Friday that I would have off everyweek (4 on, 3 off job) to volunteer at the hospital that I did candy-striping for as a teen. Or maybe at the homeless shelter! That would be so fun--and I could take the little guy with me.<P>I would go to church every Sunday--heck, I had returned to my childhood church home, and all the now-grey-haired moms and pops welcomed me back with open arms. They all said "Now you can meet a NICE man who will think the world of you and your little boy--and we'll all help you do it."<P>And I got a year's membership at the rec center--so that I could loose this "thing" that has developed on my lower abs since I got out of the army.<P>So, I was feeling pretty happy, optimisstic for the furture, and excited to go out on my own. I really could see no bad points to my new life without Mr Mean and the delightful Miss Kitty. And Miss Pamela of St Louis and Miss Debbee of NT, Australia, and the many intrigues of the same genre who use names like "RunnyHunny" and "Evil Angel and Trixx."<P>So what happens? This morning, I get a message (and yet with still-hostile undertones) that he will now consider coming to get me. For the kid's sake, first and foremost.<P>Now, I could care less about it, if truth be told. That he cheated on me is now the least of offenses--the fact that he turned my world up-side-down trying to cover it up, jerked me around, blamed me for his indescretions, screamed at me and threatened me for everything that I have done to resolve the problems--this is what has ruined it for me. To him, I am the evil one.<P>Why should I work on this marriage? I don't see the reasons for it--I guess I need to be reminded of how I felt. I never thought that I would be one of those people who would say "what's in it for me." Unfortunatly, I am thinking this way now. <P>Maybe this is how he felt when he cheated on me--what's in it for me. Of course he did.<P>The only thing about this situation and that--I loved him, and I was doing all that I could to show it. It's just that Miss Kitty was willing to lie to her husband, drive three hours to come spend the night on the futon with my husband, at a time when I couldn't do it myself. And he grew so intrigued with this that he considered making Miss Kitty a permanent institution.<P>Our lives for a couple of stinkin orgasms!!<P>Tell me how to get over this bitterness--if getting over it is wise.<P>And why should I go back to him? Was he there for me when I needed him? No.<P>If I decide to stay here, will I look back someday and regret it?<P>I consulted with my kid, even: "Should we go back to daddy?" And he said "No, you have to stay here and find a new daddy."<P>Well, it might be bad to ask a child such a question, but now I, myself, am in that FOG and I have no idea what to do.<P>Least of all, I do not know how to call my new employer up and say "Sorry, I know that you incurred a huge bill for my background check and testing, but I can't start next week--my "husband" is coming to get me.<P>This sux!<p>[This message has been edited by Bernzini (edited September 17, 2000).]

"I consulted with my kid, even: "Should we go back to daddy?" And he said "No, you have to stay here and find a new daddy."<P>out of the mouths of babes....maybe your son is indeed wise.....<P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

My 2 cents? Stay where you are, reconnect with your daughters and be a wonderful mother to your son.

Bernzini:<P>I hate to see you make all these positive steps to go back to what it has been like for you these past months. I have followed your story with both horror and sadness.<P>You have taken your responsibility for what you have done, i.e., angry outbursts, yet your wayward spouse has not humbled himself to you or made any real attempt to right his wrongs. It sounds like such a volitile relationship and unless you know deep in your heart that your husband is willing to CHANGE, listen to your son...he is probably telling you he doesn't need all this high drama in his life anymore because it is so painful for him, too.<P>If your husband came home or called you and promised to put forth the necessary effort into this marriage by employing the principles of recovery and agree to never see Miss Kitty or the others...then, if your gut says so, it might be worth a shot. It is important to do whatever we must to save our marriages, providing eventually we are NOT doing it all by ourselves. That's where Plan A & B enter into the picture.<P>My guess is that you will become very attractive to your spouse once you are independent and disinterested in him...it seems as though he has already 'picked up' on something already, given his last call. But, you have to be sure this isn't just a ruse to get you back under his thumb. You'll know the difference.<P>No one knows better than you what is true. The problem we all have is being able to admit it to ourselves.<P>Stay strong, Bernzini.<P>Catnip =^^=<p>[This message has been edited by catnip (edited September 13, 2000).]

Hi Bernzini, I'm posting like a demon today.<P>First thing, your son is very important and must be considered first. He needs a family, stability, security. A Dad would be nice, but you can't count on your Husband. You already know that though, you didn't need a stranger to point that out.<P>Now your son is in your home town, your family is all around, you can see your two daughters when you're allowed to, you have a promising job, have furnished an apartment, have your son enrolled in a good school. Your son's stability and security mustn't be threatened. <P>Sure he needs his Dad. Wouldn't it be great if Dad would give up HIS home, apartment, business/career/job, Miss Kitty the concubine, the futon, the country of Japan, to be with his little boy? The grownups are expected to sacrifice in favor of the children's well being.<P>Your H has already had plenty of time to get it together and languished after your offer long enough for you to lay the foundation for your new life with your family. Don't sacrifice your son's well-being on the altar of nostalgia for what you thought you had, or on the other altar, your Husband's selfishness.<P>Your offer was generous, it was humble and selfless. The only thing you didn't offer was to donate a cornea or a kidney while still living. (Did you? And forget to post about it?) You've done enough.<P>Good luck in your new home!<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

YOur H has issues that go waaaaaay beyond the affair. Your posts recounted a longstanding pattern of emotional abuse; his anger and constant blaming. Until he gets help you need to take care of yourself and your kids. You can take the high road and treat him civilly when you do communicate. But until he deals with his issues you and your son are better off without him. Listen to your son.

Hi B,<P> I agree with everyone else, at the very least this does not have to be an either- or situation....start your job , get on with your life and then see how you feel and if he changes.You certainly can join him later if you feel he is sincere.<BR> He is afraid to lose you, but has done nothing but emotionally abuse you and cause chaos for your son....take care of yourself and your son......LU

Bernzini,<P>I brought up your last thread in case you want to read again.<P>From this and other things you have written, I don't think you have given the MB principles a real try.<P>I think we all face the fact that there are often no great options and we can't predict the outcome. Still, we have to choose. You could move on, maybe marry for the third time.<P>I don't want to hurt you, just give you real food for thought. You said in another post that your first husband is now happily married. Maybe you were just too incompatible as you said, or maybe you are carrying baggage around that you need to deal with to heal YOU, not just the marriage.<P>I was really surprised he would call and suggest coming for you after your call to him. He must really want his son or not be such a bad guy after all! Your "offer" to let him have his bimbos was again throwing it in his face.<P>My h said I needed to become more lovable for him to love me. I could have gotten angry after all he did, but I want to grow for MY OWN SAKE. So I worked really hard to see myself from where he sat, and it wasn't pretty! The anger was eating me, even before the A.<P>Now compare this to OW. I read all their mails. She made him feel sooo good about himself - she praised him, she was sweet and fun. (Yes, I know she was horrible to do what she did, but people are multi-sided, I had to see her from his point of view).<P>You didn't answer my questions on your other thread. Mostly, if you COULD have a wonderful marriage with him, would you want it? Is it worth it for you to pursue your own growth to the end?<P>My h has changed 100% in his treatment toward me after I changed. He is GENTLE. I could not have believed it if anyone had told me before. But how can a guy be gentle, adoring, protective towards a pit bull?( referring to myself, but does it fit?)<P>You have an opportunity to find out for yourself. Is he just a jerk or does he feel himself attacked by you? You will never know unless you decide to change how you treat him.

WWWWWWWWWWWWWcal. <P><p>[This message has been edited by TMD (edited September 13, 2000).]

You need to go further back to see the history here. In some of her earlier posts, there were horrific things that went on long before the affair. He has an anger problem and there has been at least one incident of physical abuse where she called the police and he blamed her saying it was her fault he became physical. <P><p>[This message has been edited by TMD (edited September 13, 2000).]

WOW!<P>Doesn't the company you got a job with pay for tuition? You can collect on the G.I bill also & get the company to pay for school. Perfectly okay to do. (Gently sidestepping the "marriage" issue)<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

M,<P>I think you already know what direction to head. Maybe it's time now?<P>You know where I am if you want to chat.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>The Pinhead

I wish I had the fortitude to address you all separately--you are all right on.<P>Shizzo, (and Buffy) I carefully read your posts way last week again and again with tears rolling down my face and it is what stirred in me the need to call my husband and offer this one last option a couple of nights ago. I loved him and I did not want to give up--marriage is a sacred and important relationship, especially if one has little guys to raise. I never wanted to give up, ever. I still don't. <P>It is my personal conviction that the family is the building block of society--if we cannot keep our families together, as the trend indicates, then things look pretty bleak. That's why I have tried to hold on patiently as long as I could.<P>My spouse has been incredibly hostile and angry for years. There has one instance of a physical attack, and I blew it off as just "a temper trantrum." I loved the man and tried to see past all of this--I try to see people for the good in them and for their potential. My husband was a good and moral man--the man I met and married. He progressively became vengeful, arguementative, and distrustful. I don't know why. I have always tried to be good to him. Though I brought my share of problems (yes, a former marriage and guilt over it)and quirky personality traits into the marriage, I honestly thought that I was a good, patient, and loving wife. I was not perfect, by any means, and I have made a lot of bad moves and mistakes in dealing with him. But otherwise, I don't know what more I could have done.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Bernzini (edited September 17, 2000).]

Well Bernzini,<P>The sagas tend to continue don't they?<P>I know you are looking for which way to go here...I know you need some leadership. I have just one question for you. What if you do go back to Japan and he does bring Miss Kitty back for a visit to the futon? Are you going to be able to handle this right under your nose?<P>Since I've been in Plan A and made some real changes I know one thing for sure. My H respects me for the first time in 20+ years. He told me this last weekend. No, it's not "I love you dear, let me come home" and I may never hear the words I want so much, but hey, respect is no little emotion...it's a biggie.<P>Your son is sensing a home in the little town you're now in. He has sisters, grandparents, a school and church to belong to. A mom that is talking about volunteering, working, making a real life for him. Your H will still be there later on, when you're sure you'll be the only one on the futon.<P>May I just add that I am not surprised you got a great job. Your writing skills are a talent, and I hope your job includes using them in some way.<P>Isn't it funny that they want us back just at the moment that it's too late?<P>Take care. allison

Dear Bernzini<P>When I read your thread, I felt a burst of happiness for you. You have come a long way from the other threads, and I could visualise your very despondent situation then when you could hardly see the much of the tunnel, let alone the light at the end of it.<P>In both theory and practice, you have managed to set up a framework of stability for your children and yourself with the great job, a supportive environment, and renewed enthusiasm about continual learning. The light at the end of the tunnel is a reality.<P>To give up all that God has helped you to rebuild now may lead you through a long journey through another tunnel where the light at the end may be the headlights of an oncoming train.<P>Living with an angry and abusive and unrepentant man is worse off for you and the children. I know it from different perspectives. My first marriage was to an abused orphan and I was just a kid out of college. I put up with his rage, angry punches too close to my head, bitterness borne of unresolved hurts, lies and mental abuse to strip me of my self worth. He had affairs just to sow his wild oats now that he had lost his virginity in marriage. He also tortured insects and did horrible experiments on them - remember this is a grown man.<P>My family and friends had to drag me to court (can you imagine I actually had an entourage during the hearing when most people had only their lawyers). I thought I still loved him because of the marriage vows and the horrible past he had to live through.<P>I still have some regrets that I couldn't help him and didn't stick with the poor man. But these regrets are quickly replaced by relief now. I was not equipped to help him get rid of the bitterness, and he didn't see that he had any problems. Of course, when I told him I wanted to divorce, he cried and knelt down at my feet. He sort of knew that I have reached the breaking point and that this softie doormat will not stomach all the abuse anymore.<P>We were fortunate that we didn't have any children because the damage to the children will be almost irreversible. My friend is going through a very bad divorce with a vicious and unfaithful man. He habitually strangles her, bashes her head on the wall and the iron bars, beats the children and screams loudly into their ears.<P>The children are nervous and always crying and shouting "I hate you, Daddy".<P>Dear Bernzini,<BR>You were right in your subsequent post to stick to going through with the job so that your children have security and a future.<P>At this volatile time, your husband doesn't seem to be in the best frame of mind to provide the stability and routine that children find so reassuring. Furthermore, living with Miss Kitty in the picture will not be one of life's most important lessons; it may be one of life's most damaging lessons to a child.<P>Keep positive and if your husband wants to uproot you, you need to ask him to seek help to deal with his personality first. Only when he can love himself then can he love you and the children. I don't think he knows what love is really about. You have tried by showing him, now leave it to the counsellors to enlighten him.<P>I think your volunteer work at both the candy place and homeless shelter will be good for the three children. They can see the fun and sadness in life and it sort of balances out.<P>God Bless and LOves you<BR>Take care<BR>weep<p>[This message has been edited by weep (edited September 13, 2000).]

Bernzini,<P>There have been so many great responses, I almost don't know what to say. Except that maybe this is one of those situations in which when one door closes, another one opens.<P>Perhaps this is the right door for you. And you and your children deserve it. First and foremost you must be able to respect yourself... Doing that is doing the right thing for you and your children.<P>Does this mean that you are giving up on the MB principles and the marraige. Perhaps not. In fact, what you have done, and done in a big way, is grown. In this journey, which has become as much about you as about him, you have suffered and dealt with it, and your soul has grown.<P>Now, to your H. He has many issues that he has to deal with himself. We learn this lesson over and over simply by reading what we read on this forum. I do believe that your changes can move him in a positive direction,,,,,,,but it still requires his choice to do so.<P>What we have to rely on is faith. In the unseen. Does our living our life based on the Word of God, as best we can... (not returning evil for evil, asking forgivness for our own actions and the actions of others, not trying to control) effect the people that we love???? I believe that is where we should NOT doubt. It is a hard thing NOT to do. I have to work on it everyday. <P>I think the key here is that you have faith in God, and then faith in yourself, and treat your H as you would want to be treated, despite how he is treating you. That's the best you can do. And that is still loving him. <P>So, I don't think in your doing all the things you are doing, you are shutting the door. I think you are just providing him a new door to enter.

Yes, I do agree that I have received so many good replies in answer to my question.<P>I would be sacrificing a lot not to go back to Japan--I would be sacrificing much not to stay here.<P>I miss my little house and my garden that I left behind, and all of my wonderful friends. I miss the sweet people there, the Japanese are so kind and gentle as a people, so civilized. They never ceased to amaze me. I was never lonely. Neither was my little one.<P>Yestday, I saw a man in a Marine Corps uniform sitting in the car next to me at a red light, a recruiter probably, and I felt such a wave of sadness for my husband. We used to be so much in love--why did it have to turn out like this?<P>How did it turn out this way? I feel like a little kid saying this, but I wonder. What would it take for him to change? People can only change what they want to in themselves, by themselves. But does he want to? Does he realize that he is not living the right way? Or is he just trying to ignore that?<P>I am going to decide on a place to live today and get my son into school, and take the drug screening for my job.<P>In the meantime, H has my ICQ #--that's how he got hooked up with Miss Kitty, so I guess that's how he's going to be talking to me now, if he wishes to talk to me. I hope.<P>Yes, TT, it does take faith--he has none. I had plenty of faith in him. I will be faithful to him yet if he choses to keep the marriage. <P>However, this is a time to heal, for him to develope his faith, if he chooses.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Bernzini (edited September 17, 2000).]

Dear Bernzini,<P>It sounds like you have decided to stay where you are -- I agree that it is a <B>good</B> decision. It does not mean you are being faithless to your marriage, either. In fact, you can look at your situation in a way that doesn't necessarily "shut the door" on your marriage. Sometimes we have to be patient and wait on God. I agree with a previous post that God has done much to establish a safe haven for you. STAY there! You are in God's hands.<P>Besides, you need time -- plenty of time. As you said, time to heal, plus time to establish strength and time to deepen your convictions. Your H also needs time. If he is relenting and saying he will come to get you, it seems to me the tides are shifting. BUT, he has a great deal of work to do before you should <B>ever</B> consider going back to him!!<P>As time goes by, he may be more open to getting some help to deal with his anger, abuse and serial affairs. If so, great -- good for him and maybe, <B>just maybe,</B> there will be enough of a turn around in him that you could possibly consider a reconciliation, but not before. In the meantime, you have a great job, a good place to live, a loving church family. Settle in, and you and your little guy can get back the joy in your lives.<P>God doesn't work on our timetable and that's hard for us to accept sometimes (it is for me!). But if you add some time and patience to this mix, and walk your walk with God, His answers will reveal themselves to you.<P>Love and Prayers,<BR>KristyAnn

Bernzini,<P>I only wanted to give you food for thought.<P>You said you had a lot to lose by not going to Japan, or by not taking the job and staying here.<P>The flip side of that (and I always see the glass as mostly empty, but I'm learning) is that you have a lot to gain either way.<P>You will know when to call it quits on the marriage, whether sooner or later. I think you made a good choice. I wish you well in your new job, and take care of those kids!<P>PS Many Christians would be quick to point at his atheism, but which came first? Sounds more like he has changed his beliefs to fit his choices. Most of us do in one way or another.

TT: You are an absolute dear. Hearing from you always makes my day. Bless you.<P>Thank you, KristyAnn, you made me feel that I am doing is right. <P>Schizzo--thank you also for your thoughts. I guess what I am doing is not a sacrifice--a compromise<P>I read in the Bible just the other day somewhere where the apostle Paul was talking about divorce. (I think it was him--I was kind of just thumbing through pages) where he said something like: ". . .The wife should remain unmarried until she is reconciled with her husband."<P>(Hold on, let me grab my scriptures and I'll look. . .here it is. . .1 Corinthians 7:10-11)<P>This sounds really terrible, but even as a Christian, I took some things in the Bible with a grain of salt. I don't think I really believed in all of it. It is, after all, a book handed down for centuries.<P>In my former life, I would have read that and gotten angry--why is a man better than a woman that he can go fool around, ditch her, and she is just supposed to wait around for his silly butt to come back to her? What about HER life? What about HER feelings? I am not a feminist, but I considered this to be unfair.<P>I also thought that divorce was OK if you "married the wrong guy" or "you weren't in love anymore." (I thought my Catholic friends were kind of silly about "divorce means excommunication."--I mean, come on!) I always said that I placed my faith in the word of God, but I just kind of blew that kind of stuff off as being old-fashioned logic from the middle-ages. I was wrong.<P>This is all true--it's as if I was being spoken to directly, it really grabbed at my heart when I read this in the Bible. It is not just because of the Bible, it's because, to me, it seems true to my own convictions.<P>I have suffered from divorce once, it was horrible, and I guess that lesson was something that I needed to learn for what lies ahead.<P>This time, I didn't marry a guy that I "settled" for because he was "nice," or to justify a whimsical dalliance, like I did the first time. I married a guy that I was head-over-heels crazy for, and still am, despite his temper, anger and his waywardness. There is not one part of him that I do not love. I don't like the things he did, or does, or the way he thinks now, but I will always love him.<P>The way I see it, God gave me a chance. He said "Alrighty, Mary, if you are going to play this game with marriage, here, I'll set you up with a challenge: Here's the "guy of your dreams." Now you prove how much you will do to love him."<P>I read this true story in a magazine once about this man and woman who were married and lived a happy, story-book kind of life. They had three little kids, a nice house, good jobs, ect. Then one day, he had a stroke, or an aneurism, something like that. Never again would he able to walk or speak, or even eat unassisted. He would never provide for his family again. Every doctor advised the wife that she should place her husband in a nursing home and divorce him. The husband himself typed out a message, begging her to put him away and move on.<P>She didn't. Even with the little children to care of, she cared for her husband as well. She fed him, dressed him, helped him relieve himself, and took him out in his wheel-chair.<P>Where most women would have complained "My emotional needs are not being met!" she did not. This was the man she loved when he was whole and healthy, and she remained true to her marriage vows by loving him when he was not. Even with his handicap, they continued to go out on romantic dates, to the movies, and out to dinner (where he had to have his food pureed and spoon-fed to him.) He had to communicate by typewriter only--imagine how hard it would be to have a conversation! It's difficult enough for people who are whole! They were, by and by, and despite his crippled body, even able to concieve another child.<P>When I read this, I told myself that this is the kind of marriage that I would one day have, a marriage that would live beyond the wedding vows, come what may. <P>And then I forgot about this story until the other day.<P>I am thinking that until the day he divorces me (and I don't think he will) I will wait him out faithfully. I don't understand why he did what he did, and I am certainly sure that he does not understand, either. (That's the problem.) I will pray for him and wait until he has sorted things out and forgives himself. It will take time. I will wait until life becomes clear to him.<P>I have gone through a lot of pain trying to forgive him--I'm still not quite there--but he is the one that I do love very much. <P>So this is the compromise that I am making: I will just wait for now. And work on myself diligently while I do.<P>The next 18 months, until he is done with this tour o duty will be hard, but I am willing to let him go if needs be. I'll be OK, and I have plenty on my plate to keep me busy with my new job and the kids.<P>(Dang! I am thinking of the money we'll be making--even apart!--if we save! There is a silver lining to this big dark ugly cloud!)<P><p>[This message has been edited by Bernzini (edited September 17, 2000).]