She came home from her trip to Jordan (the country) last night, had been gone for 6days for work. Yesterday the 19th I was feeling good about the relationship, maybe because she was coming home. Last night was good also. She gave my a big hug an kisses, I felt like she really did miss me. This morning was good also, nothing special but I was happy she was around.<P>Then when she walked out of the door to work it hit like a ton of brinks. All my doubts...... I would never know if she saw him, sleep with him or even talked to him.<BR>Why did these feeling surface again???<P>Have been plan A ing for about 8.5 month, had a baby (3rd kid) in May (she is mine). But have had meny let downs... She has talked to him, seen him on her travels to Jordan, e-mails him( never saw her replies but his e-mails had sexual content about what he missed doing)and calls to him before. <BR>If she sleep with him, kissed or even hugged him I would/ will leave her. If all she did was call him and talk I would have to think about my next step. No I would stay and plan A it more but another brick would go up to protect my heart.<P>How can Things feel like they are getting better (a whole lot better) yet I be on my last string???<BR>Is it wierd because emotionally I am at a point where I could leave BUT I also feel like things are improving and like we are getting closer???? She still has the ability to bring a smile to my face and warmth to my heart. This trip was hard because things are going good but when she is away things can only stay the same or get worse. How can we work being close when she is away?<P>No LB's right so some ??? not sure how or if they should be asked.<BR>Do I ask her if she saw or talked to him?<BR>How does she feel and handle about being there?<BR>Should I tell her how lonely I feel when she travels and even more when she travels to the mid-east?<BR>Do I tell her I'm not she I can handle many more trips to Jordan although many more trips are need for her job?<BR>Do I tell her how that is when I have the most doubts about trust and us?<BR>And about how all these trips is a major source of resentment and how that resentment snowballs into other areas in are relationship?<BR>I hate her job, she loves her job and needs a lot of support in it. That is one of the many places where I have contributed to this. How She needs to find a job with no travel or at least a whole lot less??<P>Then on top of everthing else she brings home a music cd in arabic. I realise that this sounds funny but it reminds me of him because it reminds me of her facination/ love with that part of the world.( ancient civilizations)<BR>She has promise to try her best at not seeing or talking to him again, but the temptation must be great when she travels.<P>Just not sure how honest I should be about my feels. She needs me to be strong and supportive and make it a safe place to be emotionaly. So she can open back up to me<P>Man this is hard does it get easier?? haha<BR>sorry so long