Earlier this year I found out that my H had a fling w/someone he met on the net. He met her 4 times, and it was all sexual. I found pictures. We've stuggled through, but....now someone has come into our life who I'm very attracted to. I know better, but he just seems to know how to say the right things. My h has never been able to turn me on with words, something I've always liked!<P>This guy is helping him do some work in the house, and he called last night (while he knew my h was at worked, and said that "it's your secret admirer").<P>After what I've found out about my h, and his strange needs, I've often considered whether I wanted to stay or not. Lately it's been really good between us, but I wonder if it's because "things seem back to normal".<P>I know attractions throughout life are normal, but I've been very faithful and have avoided these situations where now I want the attention.<P>He has a little one the same age as my child, and I wonder if we'd make a good fit.<P>WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME...???

Dragonfly,<P>Nothing's wrong with you. You're human. You're hurting. It feels good to feel attractive to <I>someone</I>. The problem is that someone needs to be your H.<P>If you follow the policy of honesty, you need to tell your H about your attraction and obtain his assistance in helping you fight it. If you keep it secret, that will only feed the affair-monster.<P>I realize that telling your H you're attracted to another man is not exactly easy, nor is it a desirable thing to do. However, would you rather tell him now and try to work with him to avoid situations where you'd be tempted? Or, would you rather wait, have an affair, feel horribly guilty, and put him through what he's put you through?<P>You know what the right thing to do is. It may not always be the <I>easy</I> thing, or the fun thing. But, it's the <B>right</B> thing.<P>Hope I've helped. <P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

Lonestar,<P>I know your right. I knew the answer when I asked the question, but it is nice to have someone who is attracted to me.<P>Luckily I've pulled myself together, and stopped thinking about the thrill. I had a long talk with myself, and went through all of the heartache I know it causes.<P>I know that thru life I'll always run across men who have qualities I find attractive that my h may not have (not necessarily a bad thing), but I also know that I'm happy with the man I have! Why else would his affair bothered me?!<P>I realize too that this other man would have characteristics that I may not necessarily like, and Lord knows I don't want to have to get used to someone all over again!!! <P>Both my H and I agree about that last comment!!<P>The only thing that I haven't done is tell my h that I'm attracted to this man! I don't know if I should now or not! I may!<P>Thanks Lonestar!<P>Dragonfly

Yes, you have definitely been affected by your husbands affair this way. You are very vulnerable to having an affair now because of your raw emotions. Since my wife's infidelity I have been more aware of other women and their availability. I have not acted on these feelings and in fact have intentionally stayed away from private contact with some women friends because of my feelings. I will not do what my wife has done. <P>Create a distance and stay away from this OM. Tell your husband about your attraction/feelings to the OM and that you want to be true to him. This guy is obviously out to get you. He calls when he knows your husband is gone and flirts with you. He knows you are married and yet is trying to interfere with your relationship with your husband. This is not a person you can trust. Please do what you know is right. Good luck.