This is my first post so please forgive my clumsiness in writing I have never wrote on a forum before today. <BR>I feel like I have no where to turn. I have read all the Harleys books and listened to the tapes but I just can’t find an answer to my problem.<BR>1 month ago my H of 10 years confessed to an affair. I was completely ripped to shreds as you can imagine. Our marriage was not a perfect one and I had been unhappy for a long time but I never imagined him capable of what he did. I was raised a strong Catholic and our 2 girls 5 – 8 go to a catholic school so divorce was never really an option for me. After the fall out of the first week my H decided that he wanted to stay with me and try to rebuild our marriage. I was relieved but still hurt. I purchased all the books and printed out all the information from this web site and began trying to work on our marriage. Things began to look up for a while and it appeared like he was trying. I was still suffering the worst pain I have ever felt but I tried to hide as much of it as I could. <BR>Until yesterday….<BR>I went through my H wallet and found not only the number to the women he had the affair that he confessed to me but 4 other numbers of other women. 3 of the numbers to women who work close to him and one to a women who lived in North Carolina where he used to go on business trips. I just don’t know how to handle this. He will be very upset when he finds out I invaded his privacy but I just can’t not confront him with this. What do I do. I am back to stage one again. I can’t eat, sleep or work and I feel like my guts are being ripped out. I asked him if there were any other affairs when he came home and said he wanted to stay and he swear that there were none. Another lie! I am trying to do what is right to keep our marriage going but I feel that one wrong move and he is going to leave. Please help.<BR>

Welcome <B>brokenup</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>First of all... believe it or not...<BR><B>you are not alone</B>!<P>There are several Faithful Spouses(FS) who have have their Wayward Spouses(WS) have multiple affairs. It is not <B>that</B> uncommon! Sad... but not that uncommon.<P>If your following the Harley pricnciples... keep up your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>!<P>Don't feel embarassed you found out these new discoveries...<BR>...it is not your fault he has done this.<P>Keep with the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> as strong as you can.<P>But you must at some point...<BR>...discuss these discoveries with him...<BR>...the need for hopefully joint counseling...<BR>(if not... you get to counseling yourself!)<BR>Don't hold this knowledge just to yourself...<BR>Learn to be honest... and honest that you need to do everything in your power to know the truth... because it is only through truth that you can start a recovery.<P>Warning!!!<BR>He may reject this!<BR>He may reject this with a vengence!<BR>...then get to counseling immediately!<P>Do stay here and post, read, and reply!<BR>Do read my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A>!<P>You may also want to check out a post I wrote a while back... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>...<BR>Many have said... it has helped them.<P>BTW: "divorce" is not a sin (even for Catholics... I too am Catholic)... it is "unrepentant adultery" that is the sin! Is your H also a Catholic?... Christian?<P>I'm praying for you tonight... )<P> <P>Jim

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by brokenup:<BR><B> I asked him if there were any other affairs when he came home and said he wanted to stay and he swear that there were none. Another lie! I am trying to do what is right to keep our marriage going but I feel that one wrong move and he is going to leave. Please help.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Can you think of any reason other than an affair that he would have phone numbers in his wallet?<P>

Hi,<P>I can empathize with what you are going through. It's not easy, it's only been 1-1/2 months for me and it's still very difficult. Some days are okay, others are unbearable. Worst, the OW lives in the same condo complex and I know when he visits because I see his car parked. It really is like having your guts torn out. <P>I try to get out and away as often as I can. Even in the middle of night when I know he is still there. It is heart wrenching, and there's nothing to do to ease the hurt of betrayal.<P>Your H is home trying to work it out, as difficult as it is you should keep trying. Give him an opportunity to explain the phone numbers. Even if they are what you suspect, if it's in your heart to keep trying, try...keep working. Don't be a doormat either, let him know how it makes you feel then decide if you can going. If you don't say anything, it will eat away at you and eventually at the relationship.<P>Good luck, sdn

I'm sorry you have been subjected to this pain. I too am feeling this. My husband had an affair. The OW is now pregnant. Not only dealing with the pain of the affair I'm dealing with the pain of seeing it for the rest of my life.<P>Listen to Jim. He is very wise and offers a lot of great advise. He also offers some supportive words that you can use for strength. In your case I see hope. Try to get your husband to read the book. If he won't then read it to him. I'm doing that now with my husband. But I'm beginning to wonder if the damamge is too much for me. I feel as though if this baby was lost I'd have some hope. But fear there isn't any as long as it's born.<P>But believe me. If I could go back even just 2 months I could have prevented this. I wish I had this book "Surviving an Affair" 12 years ago when my H and I met. I think it or "His needs/He needs" should be an traditional wedding gift. It would save many people from feeling the pain of an affair. And many children from feeling the pain of divorce. Keep trying. I'm praying for you.