I confronted my wife last night. I couldn't do it Wednesday because of work and other things that happened. I wrote a letter and left it with the chat print out on the table. I left and came back later. She was gone and went over to her friends house.<P>I went there to talk and she was pissed. She said her trust for me was not that strong because of this kind of thing. I told her that was crap because her sneaking around is way more trust killing than anything that I have done. We talked a little about how hurt I was and that I want to save the marriage. I asked her to stop talking or e-mailing the OM. She basically said she didn't know.<P>How do I get her to stop contacting this man?<P>If she moves out, this contacting will get more frequent I believe. She contends that her plan to move out is not to meet with or create a place so she can cheat on me with this other guy if or when he ever comes for a visit. It's hard for me to believe that, especially after reading the chat log.<P>How do I get her to stay with me?<P>She said that we get along good, but she loves him and not me. We have caring love and she feels that they (her & OM) have romantic love. I HATE this!!<P>I have been plan Aing for about 1.5 months and just trying to improve myself and things for 1 year.<P>I don't know what to do! I need her in my life, but I know to get her back, I need to get her away from this OM. Problem there is that she sends e-mails to him from work.<P>I better get back to work. I know my work has suffered for the last year. I'm not as efficient as I should be. My boss doesn't know about my problems. I can hide things pretty well, even when my insides hurt and are torn up.

You know - I'm sure what she has with OM is Romantice Love, that is what my H had with the OW. It is very tied to endorphines. Anyway - I learned alot reading "After the Affair" and "How to Affair Proof Your Marriage". Didn't your relationship with her start out as Romantic Love too? At some point it does change, and unless she realizes this she will be hopping from one man to another to get that fabulous in love romantic rush. Would she do some readindg? counselling? I think education about relationships, love and reality is the best thing.

Alberta,<BR>She has talked to Steve Harley one time, but that was to appease me because Steve is trying to help me with the things that I've done wrong and ways to improve the relationship. She keeps saying to me that she doesn't want to work on the relationship at this time because she's in love with this other guy. She won't read any books either. She basically feels that it is a waste of time to talk to Steve or read books because she has all these feelings for this other guy and not for me. She feels that she can't really change her feelings for this guy and things that she reads or hears can't change that.<P>I told her she may have feelings for this guy and maybe you can't control them very well. But, you can control acting on them and also control whether you contact or see him. It takes work and courage and discipline to keep yourself from getting into these situations; and she's not willing to put forth the effert at this time. I believe she loves the emotional affair because probably in her mind, its not really cheating if its not physical. She does have a conscience, because she says she feels guilty doing these things. I think she just likes the rush or fantasy of this man touching or loving her!