I left this weekend to go visit my parents. I think my wife met up with the OM and had sex. She is acting like she did before I found out about the affair. Like everything is much better. I have not confronted her. Should I confront her and tell her that if she does not end the affair now I want her to leave? It has been 3.5 weeks since d day. She still hasn't committed to me. She is 27 the OM is 47 and has a wife and a 12 year old son. The OM's wife doesn't know about the affair. Should i tell her? <BR>I want my wife to realize she is having an affair with an old man that would betray his wife and 12 year old boy to get a piece of A$#. And do I want to be married to someone that would do that.<BR>I want to tell her all of this but am trying to avoid lovebusting. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I am ready to get started doing something. fixing our problems or getting on with my life. I am tired of her selfishness. <BR>I am mad as H$#. She will be home in an hour. I don't know whether to giver an ultimadum or show affection<P>PLEASE HELP QUICKLY<P>ANY ADVISE WOULD BE GREAT!!!!!<BR>

HOLD ON!!<P>Don't do ANYTHING while you're so upset and mad!<P>Leave the house for a while. Go somewhere to cool off and think things through!<P>PLAN A!!!!

c/h - Are you sure of your suspicion? It would be a bigger LB if you're wrong! Be cool. 3.5 weeks is not long in this dimension. Take a deep breath and be strong. You can take it longer. Your know something that she doesn't know - use it to your advantage. Tuck it away and get smart on all the things you can learn about the psychology of affairs. others may disagree, but I'd tell the OM's wife right away - if you're sure! He has a lot to lose - let his wife do some work for you.<P>So, I think you should treat her normally - show affection. Ultimatums this early seem like rushing a bit to me. If others respond with different advice, consider all options. Good luck.<P>WAT

I would certainly tell his wife<BR>immediately. Your wife will come<BR>out of the fog when the OM stops<BR>talking to her. He will be angry<BR>with her but she will see quickly<BR>that she has no future with him.<BR>Good Luck

C&H,<BR>backgrnd, My W had an EA, but very close to a full PA, I caught it in an e-mail between the two. They had met twice, had some kissing, hugs, very intimate sex talk, D-day was 9/99.<BR>After 1yr, things are great. We even see the OM often cause of our kids sports team.<BR> Anyway....I was lucky, W wanted to mend marriage and after d-day, she never contacted OM for the EA reasons. <BR> One thing that I wish I had done right off is to TELL THE OM's WIFE. As of today She still does not know. It makes me sick. Its so long ago now, that it is HIS place to tell, early on I should but didn't. That's my advice. Then they can work on their marriage if they want at least. an Affair is the ultimate betrayal in a marriage, she has the right to know, I blew it. <P>------------------<BR>jnvc