I just found out that my girlfriend (soon to be wife) has started out a relationship with a co-worker. It started out as a friendship and I did not want to stand in the way of her making friends (male or female) so I didn’t. Well it gone past the line of friends. (feeling of love but still plutonic) The bomb was dropped on Tuesday. We have spoken about this and I have stated that she must stop seeing this man so we can figure out why she has wondered. She is saying that since it is only plutonic that she would like to still able to do things with him. I am torn with standing my ground which I am thinking is going to make her leave or letting her still see this man while we work on fixing us. I know I have over simplified this but any advice would be great right now. Most of my friend say I am not being unreasonable to insist she stop seeing him.<P>

Please stop all plans on marrying this<BR>woman. You are planning to be married and<BR>she is now emotionally involved with another<BR>man? This should be the one of the most<BR>loving and happiest times of your lives <BR>together. It would be a matter of time before<BR>it becomes physical. A woman that is planning<BR>to marry someone soon does not emotionally<BR>get involved with another man at the same time. If you marry this woman plan on a great<BR>deal of pain in the future because this will be your future. Find someone you can trust and who loves and respects you. This is not your girlfriend. You have been given an opportunity to see what you life will be like if you marry this woman. Good Luck

I agree with what BryanP wrote.<P>I would suggest breaking your engagement off or putting it on hold.<P>Your fiancee' is exhibiting dangerous behavior. Do you have the book, "Surviving An Affair?" If you don't, then I think it would be a good idea to get a copy and read it.<P>Your fiancee' is involved in an "emotional" affair. Your friends, who say that you are being unreasonable, don't know what they're talking about. Take the advice from the betrayed spouses on here. The wayward spouses can also give you their perspective from this and how their innocent platonic friendships turned into full-blown affairs! <BR> <BR>Again, I advise that you put a stop or put a hold on the engagement, read the book, educate yourself, post on this forum.<P>It's better to be safe, than sorry...<P>p.s. What are these "things" that your fiancee' likes doing with this OM? She should NOT be going out by herself and doing things with persons of the opposite sex. If she wants to do these "things," then she should be doing them with you!<p>[This message has been edited by Survivor [aka_NoTrust] (edited January 26, 2001).]

I agree with everyone. There's a fine line between a "platonic friendship" and an Emotional Affair and I think she's crossed it.<BR>Put the brakes on my friend, sort this one out.<BR>God Bless you and give you strength!

I too second the advice that others have given you. Slow down if not halt your marriage plans and take all the time necessary to sort this out properly. If in the end you do decide to procede with marriage do it cautiously and take your time. There is honestly no rush to begin the rest of your life, it isn't a race. I realize that this may raise questions from your friends or family members but remember to do what is best for you, not for them and don't worry about saving face. <P>It is my opinion that, an emotional affair is or can be harder for a woman to break off than a sexual one. I think it is just the way a woman is wired. I was attracted to my husband because we had an emotional connection after being friends for years. I married him, in part, because he met my emotional needs better than anyone else I'd ever dated. <P>Be comforted by the fact that others are dealing with these same issues and as much as it hurts at least you know now.