Austin. Be strong and decide if you want to live like this, Will she ever change, will she do it again. Only you can answer those questions. Be true to yourself. WS's that go from one affair to the other will never be trusted again. Do you want that? Are you the giver or taker in this relationship? From where I see it you are the giver and the caretaker. My wife started to live a very private other life that had nothing to do with her husband and children, she became very self absorbed only interested in her " Its about me" well what about us and our beautiful family. It’s been about her for a while. Do I want that permanently NO? Because I decided long ago its about my children and I. What I'm saying is be sure she really is what you want. Sometimes when we suffer rejection our love for the WS becomes more pronounced, is it love or pride. Pride often gets in the way of good judgment. Sometimes pride tells us that we must say goodbye to those we love. Think about that.

I know what you mean about pride and I think it was very hurt. However, I have reached a decission that my wife is VERY self-centered. On tape she says the only reason she stays in her marriage is for financial reasons. She says if she gets a divorce than she thinks the OM will come around. I do not want to stay in a marriage that is loveless, with no emotional support, where she is carring on a EA &PA with OM, while I take care of the kids and bills. Thats Bull****. I deserve better. She wont go to counselling, tells me she doesnt want to work on our marriage and doesnt respect me. As for the divorce proceedings she wanted to do it by agreement. Now she plans to get her own lawyer and wants about $700 over and above the required child support and wants alimony on top of that. I dont have that kind of money. She says she is entitled to maintain her lifestyle for the kids sake. What a Crock. Let me get this straight, you deserted your marriage and family. You had a EA & PA for the second time in our marriage. I dont love you. I dont respect you. I lied to you and decieved you. I told you I wanted a divorce but wouldnt file. Now as my reward I want to maintain my current standard of living for the kids sake. I have a real problem with this. Does anyone else?

Boy! You are not alone. She is in very deep. Its time for you to see an attorney and start protecting yourself. Start plan B. Did you speak to the OM wife. Why does your wife not respect you?<BR>You must start getting expert advice "Now" not later. Is she a good mother, could you get custody of your children, do you want to? You need to start detaching from her, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start Plan B.<BR>If this is her second affair did she keep it a secret, how did you find out about the first one. Are you still intermit with her at all?<BR>

Boy! You are not alone. She is in very deep. Its time for you to see an attorney and start protecting yourself. Start plan B. Did you speak to the OM wife. Why does your wife not respect you?<BR>You must start getting expert advice "Now" not later. Is she a good mother, could you get custody of your children, do you want to? You need to start detaching from her, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start Plan B.<BR>If this is her second affair did she keep it a secret, how did you find out about the first one. Are you still intermit with her at all?<BR>

What a sad, sad situation. My H had an affair with my best friend almost 6 years ago. But I just found out the truth 2 weeks ago, they both lied to cover their butts. It hurts so much, even after all this time.<P>It sure sounds like she's depressed and living in fantasy land to me. My H was the same way and we did get back together but he was really in a fog for about 9 months. It was hard to take him back, and even harder now knowing the lies, but it was worth it.<P>Counseling was, and is, a lot of hard work. But for me it was the best thing. That, and medication for depression as I wade thru everything. <P>If the wife of the OM doesn't know, she really needs to be told. She may have been exposed to stds. I wish I had known right away. I told my H I will never be with him again (and even then, it will be long in the future) until he gets checked for diseases. Yes, it was a long time ago but I won't take any chances. She was also married and I know her husband (should I say ex? imagine that) was promiscuous.<P>My heart goes out to you. It's even worse since you have kids. I can't have any and it tore my heart apart to hear last month that she is pregnant. Life can be so unfair sometimes. Hang in there. maggierose