With my H's affair with my former best friend, the most devastating thing to me is that she was in MY bedroom. I am very much "into" my house and consider it my haven. I can't believe that they did this to me. If it had been the couch, I would have given it away or sold it or something. I feel totally violated and used. So I'm sleeping on the couch these days. I feel like the only way I can go in there is if I completely re-do it, possibly even knocking down a wall between 2 rooms. Did anybody else have this problem and what did you do?

I had the same. OM and W used our bed. Luckily we moved soon after so we didn't have to sleep theer anymore. But in teh meantime I slept on the coach as well. Get rid of the bed. If you have money, trash it. Use the bed now as a cleansing ritual. With an axe or chainsaw. Or make H do that while you watch. Or give it to charity. If you can't afford this, sell it. You could send the OW an official looking bill for expenses.<P><BR>

I have it worse, they spend the weekend in my home and had sex on the couch but slept in my bed. She used my dishes etc, it makes me sick. <P>Then however I moved into a house that I bought and he stayed in the house they violated and she moved in with him on OUR 12th anniversary.<P>That PIG moved into MY home on MY anniversary!!!!!!<P>Imagine - we reconciled and he moved that stupid couch in here, it sits in storage downstairs it makes me sick to look at it. The bed I got and I just dealt with it, but every now and then imagines pop up!<P>He also purchased a bunch of new appliance to start over with her (real nice stuff too) it also sits in storage waiting for some garage sale or something.<P>How do woman do this to each other?

I am still sleeping on the couch. I haven't figured out what to do yet. He claims they didn't have sex there, just made out. Yeah, whatever. Like they couldn't do it elsewhere. And the weird part is, she was devastated when she found out (courtesy of my H) that her fiancee (who by then was her H) had been with somebody in their bed. Said she wanted to burn the sheets. But a few weeks later, turns around and goes into her best friend's house and makes out (like I believe it) on her bed.<P>I've given up trying to make sense of any of it. They were both so screwed up that I never will. My H thank goodness came out of his fog but he said she'd still deny it. She has this very extreme sense of self-righteousness. <P>What's even weirder is my H is still like best friends with her (now ex) husband. They are in touch almost every day. I have a real creepy feeling about that. My H claims that he doesn't know and I'd love to tell him. I think he has a right to know. But I won't. If my H's tests for stds come back positive, then he'll HAVE to tell him.<BR>She moved far away, one prayer answered.<P>I hope I can pull myself together enough to deal with this. It's heart breaking, as you know.<P>How long was it before you reconciled? If I'd known the truth, it sure would have been longer than 9 months for me. I feel totally used and violated. It hurts that he didn't respect me enough to tell me what I needed to know. Now he claims he's all relieved. So he feels better and my world has fallen apart! Good luck to both of you.

Maggierose<P>If breaking down a wall and re-doing over your bedroom is what you need to be able to heal from all the painfull thoughts of your H affair then do exactly that. Even if it means that you also need to sell your bedroom suite, sell the lot either at a garage sale or through your local paper. Do this as soon as you possibly can. Its the only way you will be able to move on and feel comfortable agai in your own home. But if you still feel that you cant move on then you should seriously consider moving house.<BR>Good luck<P>Tears

Maggierose:<BR>How similar our stories are - my husband's affair was also with my "ex" best-friend, and they also spent some quality time in our home (I traveled frequently for business during that period of time and it's too d**n hot here for sex in the car!! LOL)<P>Since my husband and myself are a year+ into reconciliation I asked that our bed be replaced and that we put our house up for sale. A new bed was purchased and the old one relegated to the guest room.(I would have preferred to set fire to it on her lawn, but that would have required some explanation to the other neighbors.) We still live in our home because after some thought - I refused to take a financial as well as an emotional "loss" because of some idiot's willingness to try and destroy my life as I know it.<P>I think the fact that she touched my things disturbs me more than I could ever have imagined. I've donated all sheet, towels, kitchen items and anything else I could think of that she may have touched to a local charity. We will sell our home - but on my terms - not his or hers.<P>I hope only the best for you and will keep you in my thoughts. Only you will know how to make this right for yourself - and don't let anyone dissuade you from obtaining some comfort level with your self or your surroundings.<P>

Sad club to be in huh? I am siting in my new apartment...been here a week, precisely because H brought her to play house. Tried redecorating and buying new furniture...just didn't cut it. Knowing she used my things, had sex in my kitchen, hung her clothes in my closet,wore my perfume and showered and had sex in my bathroom were toooooo much....Living there a year was tooooo long. My heart BREAKS for YOU!!!!No one can describe the feeling...I firmly believe that I could have handled being raped better than I have handled this art of my H's affair...in some sense I feel that I was raped and stripped of all privacy, intimacy, dignity and sanctity.

Yes, it is truly a violation of the worst kind. What's weird is she cried and carried on about burning her sheets when my H told her that her H had cheated on her when they were engaged. But the difference is she was not close friends with the OW and she also wasn't married yet. Plus, they ended up moving out of that house. Yet a few months later she has the nerve to come into my house when I'm gone and go straight up to my bedroom with my H. Go figure.<P>I went today and looked at new beds. One of my friends said I should just turn the mattress. Yeah, right. I asked him why they couldn't have just been on our couch, it would have been easier to get rid of. Apparently it wasn't comfy enough for their exploits. The sales person asked why I was redoing our bedroom (she knows our bed wasn't very old). I thought about it for a minute (she's also a friend of OW) and I told her the truth. Of course she was shocked and didn't believe me at first. But I decided I have no reason to protect her or her reputation so I told her exactly (without details) what had happened. She just looked sick. She and I were both in OW's wedding. She said she didn't think OW was capable of this so I set her straight. I know it's wrong, but it gave me satisfaction.<P>So tomorrow I'm ordering a new king size mattress and beautiful new cherry head and footboard. I'm also going to have the room wall papered by a professional. It's a very small price for him to pay in my opinion! I'm sure he'll ***** about the cost but I have him over a barrel! I know I sound mean but this was by far the very worst thing they could have done to me. I just hope no more "secrets" come out in counseling this week, I don't think I can handle any more.<P>I appreciate all of your input and advice!