It's been a while since I posted and I thought I would get everyone up to speed. I sent the e-mail to OM-SOB, but got no reply from him yet, and no reaction from W.<P>I've just about finished "His Needs/Her Needs" and have just about come to the end of my rope.<P>I've never had patience, and probably never will. The W got back from her trip on Friday, and we spent the rest of that day and most of the next together just talking about nothing. That evening, as we were sitting together on the couch, she got up to go see who was online she could chat with at about 7:30 or so. I went to bed alone at 11:00! It really pissed me off that she wanted to type to people she barely knows rather than be with me.<P>I ended up LB'ing, big time that night, but it doesn't bother me. I feel they are things that needed to be said and brought into the open. I told her that if she is just along for the ride until her OM-SOB can make up his mind if he wants her, I'll make the decision for her. I'm tired of being the only one who is doing anything for this marriage, and I told her that too. She is avoiding confrontation because her feelings might get hurt, but no where along the line has she considered how that makes me feel. I told her that her silence is slowly destroying my love and what little trust I have left for her.<P>She's sitting on the fence here, in a deep, deep fog of whatever! She's got the best of both worlds, while I have the convenience of having nothing! I've expended a lot of energy trying to show her how much I love her and care for her, but when I don't see any results of all my hard work, she makes another withdrawl from my love bank. She's still trying to contact OM#2 to continue her cyber affair, and is still making new virtual friends and wants to meet them in person. I said those things to her the other night to give her a slap of reality in her face, perhaps to wake her up from this fog that she's in.<P>I feel as though I am wasting my time and energy on her when my thoughts and emotions could be better directed towards something that will produce results.<P>And that's the rest of the story.<P>Pops[*]null

Are you the same popeye that was on top of your game???? Welcome to the roller coaster!!<BR>No one is perfect at planA, set a time limit for planB. Keep reading.<BR> Sorry your feeling blue pops.I know how angry and unfair this is, in fact if you look at my old posts, I did quite a bit of LB and feeling like I was doing all the work and what was the big prize? an unfaithful spouse?<BR>I am sorry to say you ,like I, have no gift of patience. Maybe thats what we are supposed to be learning. <BR>Good Luck get back to work.

SP,<BR>I can't say that I feel blue about anything. A big part of me is wanting to put an end to this so she will stop hurting me. The second I get back up and want to fix things, I get knocked back into my place with the dishonesty and silence.<P>I honestly think that she is not taking an active part in this because she is working on her own plan. She is trying hard to change careers, and complete a course. I don't have any problems with her wanting to better her paycheck and her lifestyle, but she has never went after anything with such determination and enthusiam. I believe that she is building up her bank account and her experiences to get a better paying job so she can be ready to be on her own.<P>She has plans on meeting someone she knows online next week. She doesn't know that I know, but I have hinted around that I should take that day off so we can do something together. By her not telling me about it is just like lying in my eyes. With this happening right in front of me, I don't know what I am going to do when I have to leave in a few months. I'll just go crazy thinking that she is having orgies in my own bed back home! I can't come home after six months like that. Hell, I go to work, and wonder how many of my coworkers have chatted with her online and met her in person. Everything she does and everyone she knows is suspect right now; I can't trust her, she has proven herself to be dishonest over and over again.<P>I asked her the other night if she would renew her vows to me, and the answer was an immediate, cold, snappy, "NO!". I also asked her if she said no because she plans on being unfaithful to me when I leave, and she told me that she didn't know. She still refuses counseling, and won't talk to me about anything other than small talk. When I try to talk to her, I feel as though I am lecturing her because she won't talk. I haven't said anything to her in the past few days though, I've just been keeping my cool.<P>I sat down today and drafted up a plan for splitting things up in the event we do divorce. I didn't feel a thing while I was typing it up. She hasn't seen it, and if things get better, she never will. But if we can't make some kind of progress before I have to leave, I will have no choice but to present it to her.<P>I just want results, nothing big, but something that tells me that she has made a breakthrough and "might" be willing to work things out. I'm exhausted from trying, and not sure how much longer I can go on this way.<P>Thanks for being here Princess...<P>Pops

Pops,<BR> How awful for you. I dont know of any advice to give, but know you are not alone. My H was a squid, one of the nicest things he ever said was I would make a good sailors wife. Though 6 mos. would be torture. Anyway he never comes here but sometimes asks whats going on here. I told him bout you when I first saw your name cuz I figured you were in Navy. He asks about you often.<BR> I cannot imagine anything more painful than finding out my best friend H was cheating, lieing,and knowingly hurting me. All this and I was a lucky one, he wanted to stay married.<BR> I am sorry she is treating you so badly. Have you thought of a time limit for planB? Do you think it would be easier to plan B if you were out to sea? You would be busy,and far away and no contact would be easier for you.<BR> How long have you been working plan A?<BR>Be strong in whatever you choose I will pray for some clarity for you. You are not alone.

Hey Popeye,<P> I can relate totally what you are going through right now. My wife is sitting on the same fence as your and it is very frustrating as you can see from my post. Hanging on to nothing is very hard. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It hurts deeply when the one you love seems to have no regard towards the commitment we make when we get married. I feel your pain, and I wish us both good luck.<BR>Take care.<BR>Slopoke

It seems that it is time to move on. You can't live like this and you shouldn't. To me it almost sounds loke slow torture. Stop.

Thanks all for your posts and your concern.<P>So far, I've only been in this so-called Plan A for 3 weeks. My lack of patience is preventing me from Plan Aing much longer. As far as Plan B goes, I haven't even thought about it. When I'm gone, communications will be difficult and not very often. Different time zones and different work schedules will more than likely prevent us from communicating at all, save for the occassional e-mail.<P>I'll read up some more on Plan B, but I thought that it entailed zero support. My logical mind tells me that this will be impossible. I don't want to close off support for my daughter at the same time.<P>There is a lot to consider during the six months I'll be gone, and I've been slowly putting a plan together to protect both my daughter and my assets. Visions of coming home to an empty house with the grass knee high keep entering my head, the mailbox full of unpaid bills and creditors waiting on the doorstep! And worse yet, my truck, (a lifelong project I've spent so much time and money on) sold or destroyed in the garage. I don't know how to prevent that. Other than getting legal assistance before I give her any kind of Power of Attourney, I don't know what to do.<P>I'm sorry about sounding like my thoughts are all jumbled up here, but they are. I have been known to ramble lately and it even shows in my long posts here. But thanks for taking the time to read them and for being her for me folks.<P>Pops

Pop,<P>Sounds to me like protecting your assests is a wise and logical thing to do. And cutting off emotional support for your spouse has nothing to do with the support you need and want to provide for your child. If you do decide to Plan B, and since you are going to be gone and unable to monitor things at home, getting legal advise is the smart thing to do. Even if you are trying to Plan A long distance, getting legal protection, in your situation, is a good idea. It does not have to be negative, Plan A can be worked on even if divorce has been started.<P>I hope some of this helps. I also think it's almost impossible not to LB while on plan A, especially in the early stages of anger and resentment. I know that I feel like I need to take a break from it this weekend. I just cant talk to him at all right now, pleasant in front of our son, but after he goes to bed I am going to lock myself in the bathroom and have a nice long bath a glass of wine and then maybe just read for a while then go to sleep. I need to avoid him a bit. <P>Wow, now that I wrote that down it sounds even better!!

Needing,<BR>That's what I've been concentrating on this weekend, taking care of myself. I've always loved to cook and it takes my mind off of things while I'm in the kitchen with the music on, and I've started doing that again.<P>I'm realizing that doing the things that make me happy are what are more important right now than argueing with her.<P>Pops