Can anybody tell me how it feels to finally come face to face with OW? She is someone I sort of know and H works with her so it is only a matter of time before I see her. I'm just not sure how I will react when I do see her. I don't want her to know how much she has hurt me and I would hope that I could be "normal" but I'm scared that I might lose it completely.
HRO

Hi, I recently told my H that I needed to make a mental plan for myself because I too know that at some point I will run into the OW. The two words that come to mind that have helped so far are "grace" and "class". If I act with grace and class than that will be respectful of me and be true to who I really am.<p>Of course many negative images float through my mind as far as what I would like to do; so I am hoping to come up with a "plan of action" to counter act these negative images. I told H that I need to have a plan that will work like a "fire drill"; meaning that it's something that I will automatically kick into because I expect I will be surprised when I run into the OW. Good Luck CSue

I am in exactly the same situation. The OW during the A (and it may still be going on as an EA as far as I know), actually was with me at many work related social functions (YUCK). I actually called the OW at home to confirm what I had discovered about the A. I sent her an email the next day saying that I had not meant to give her a heart attack (she didn't accept my call which confirmed the A for sure), but that the lying had gone on way too long. I told her that I hoped God would give me the grace to forgive and move on with my life. <p>Now, I really do hope that God will ultimately lead me to forgiveness so what I said wasn't a lie. In subsequent potential interactions, she has had been too embarrassed to show her face -- we work in the same field so there is plenty of opportunity for this to happen. At first I was worried, but then I thought there is no way I am going to change my life and my routine just to avoid seeing the OW. It has been awkward to say the least, but she has avoided any potential contact. I may see her at a conference this week. If I see her, I am certainly not going to let her think or see the devastation that this A has wrought on my life. I will say hello and walk on. I didn't do anything wrong or to her and I hope that thought carries me through. My issue is with my WH; not her.

I had to see the OW while she was pregnant with the OC. That was really difficult. I was standing tall (all the while my stomach was in knots).<p>What I realized later - she is more scared of seeing you than you are of her. Bottom line - you are the WIFE, she was and always will be the OW. No matter how she tries to convince herself otherwise, their relationship was not real. They were not "soul mates, destined to be together, etc.". <p>Remember that you were here first and you have no reason to be fearful. Stand tall. You don't have to be mean. If nothing else, be nice. <p>It is much easier to hate someone when you can't put a face to them. Once she realizes that you are indeed real, have feelings, etc., she will feel bad for putting you through so much grief. Would she want someone to do that to her?<p>Just remember - you are the WIFE. Be proud of that. That is something she will never achieve.

I came face to face with my HOW when I went to his work. I knew what department she worked in and had to go there to pick up my package. Well...she was there and knew it was me. She had seen me before, but I never saw her before. My husband manages this Walmart, so I go there quite frequently. So I looked at all of their name tags, and sure enough I made sure she dealt with me. The expression on her face was priceless.
I was polite and professional. I just got a kick out of seeing how intimidated she was. Later, I wrote her a letter telling that I forgave her, but she will suffer from trying to ruin a family. That what goes around comes around.<p>I was truly surprised to actually be face to face with her. She was several years younger. First, I took a few deep breathes. Just remember to breathe. Then I just told her what I wanted. She was the one with the shakey (sp) voice. <p>When I left I was pleased to finally see up close what kept my H from being there during my entire pregnancy of our 2nd child. My husband supported my decision to go back there and face her.<p>Well, just remember that when you do run into her...just remember breathe and don't get angry and irrate. That will let her know that she has control over you and she caused trouble in paradise. Show her that you are truly the better woman and that you don't have time for such pettiness.<p>Since my H confessed the A, which I knew all along but not which woman it was, he made it known that he needs no one else but me.

I ran into my H's OW 2 days after D-day at his place of work (she didn't know I knew, and still isn't sure how much I know, that's the way I want it). When she walked in I was facing the door she came into. My H was standing in a different doorway, and I had to turn my back on her. I just couldn't take it. My children were there talking and carrying on, so they provided the needed distraction. Within minutes I bustled my brood out (H too), we finished our conversation, he walked us to the car and I left. <p> The next time I was more poised. She bounced in (I was alone) and said, "Hey, how ya doin?" I said "fine" and kept looking out the door where my H was still working. Now I just let my WH be the center of my attention. She's found out by enough body language and such that I have no desire to be her friend. She can't seem to understand this though. When she found out from one of his co-workers that I had told the coworker's wife the reason I didn't like OW was because she didn't respect me, the OW promptly asked WH why I thought she didn't respect me. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Can you believe she had the nerve to ask that?!?!!? That's when she began to suspect I knew. But he stuck with the plan and told her I might have put a few things together - and left it at that. So she still doesn't know how much I know, where I learned it from etc. She told him that I must know because it was like someone was telling him how to ACT when he was around her because he doesn't talk to her anymore or hang around her. He told her he didn't do those things anymore because he didn't want there to be a chance for anything to start back up. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] He wasn't about to let her ego think he still wanted to be with her but couldn't because I was telling him not to!!!<p>She's only a person. True she's your #1 enemy right now, but she's not superhuman. She has no power over you. If she's like my OW, she's a b*tch, wh*re, sl*t, s*x addict, the list goes on. Of course I'm a better person than she is. The reason I don't associate with her is because of what and who she is, not because I'm afraid of her. Had she not seduced my H, I still wouldn't associate with her. I might be more friendly, but she would not be my friend. I believe in choosing my friends wisely. -so she doesn't qualify. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Don't let her gloat. If you are all mousey, she probably will. Go in as THE WINNER. Sure you might have lost a battle, but you WON THE WAR. The way I see it is if I had known I was in a war, she wouldn't have even won a battle!! By the time I found out, my husband had already fought and won the war for me!!

I never did meet the OW face to face, but did have one direct phone call with her. While my ex and I were going through the initial worst times, she was a bee in his ear, relaying advice and info on how to stick it to me. Basically using every chance to make me look foolish. Of course I was being an emotional crybaby because my world was falling apart, and having been betrayed, but the OP just doesn't "get that". <p>Anyway, she calls me after divorce is final and tells me off. Guess she had all this pent up anger towards me and resented the fact that I had ever existed in this man's life. It was really bizarre and I just kept my composure and refused to stoop to her level. Which only made her even more pissed. I mean the jealousy was dripping off the phone. My ex had told me during the divorce that she could even tell when he was thinking of me and that made her revengful. <p>I actually think that he enjoyed doing that to her and somehow all the attention made him feel good and made her think he was a real catch. Lucky for me I wised up after 4 months of these games and just filed. I think they were both surprised at my sudden life change and how I was just fine without him. <p>What really hacked her off was the fact that as soon as the divorce was final, all sorts of wonderful things started happening for me in my life. Theirs on the other hand went to hell in a handbasket with job losses, house losses, and in fact she cheated on him after a only a year together. <p>I know this seems silly, but the OW seemed intimidating to me because she was 10 years older, had grown children, (I had none) was a career woman and of course the ex talked so much nonsense about her and compared us (with me coming up short) and so when she actually called me, it was funny to hear her be so wicked and weak. <p>I guess my advice to anyone who has to come in any contact with the OP, just remember that you are a great person and nothing can take that from you. Don't stoop to their level and above all, keep you head held high (even if you feel lacking) and carry on.

I haven't had a run in with my H's OW, but she was a really close friend of mine before this all happened. She talked him into leaving me and even made arrangements with a friend of hers to let my H roommate at her house. Some friend, huh.<p>Anyways, I sent a email message to her about 3 weeks ago thanking her for breaking it off with my H. Someone had vandilized her car and she accussed me of doing it (which I personally believe she did it herself). I told her flat out in that email that I wouldn't sink to that level, but the person who I was hurt by the most in this was by her, that she caused the ultimate backstabbing. I also asked her to stay away from my husband because her lines of guilt and love tore a piece of my husbands soul apart everytime she said the things she said. Well, I got a return email just stating, "Do not contact me, this is your final warning!" <p>I feel satisfied with what I did, now if I was to ever run into her, I have a feeling she would attack me, but I would just stand by. I will not sink to her level!

Well........I spoke to the "OW" once, back in 4/99 after I received phone bill with 6 hour phone call on it (Few days before he moved out by the way). I called to see who the heck it was and it was one of my first clues. Well, she lied out her tail about how my WH and her were "just friends". She was the one he went through to diagnois his heart condition (she was an LPN at our job site). WH hiding that from me for 2 months is what kicked the fight off the very night we seperated. She told me about what medicine he was on. WH was ticked that she told me anything and wanted to know what all she had told me. He was definitely ticked.<p>Well, here we are 3 years later and after my WH leading me to believe she had been out of the picture for 2 years and we were rebuilding, I was notified in April this year, that WH was still seeing her.<p>Things have gone pretty bad since I confronted WH. He lost his job after that and has basically cut me out of his life and there has been no contact between us since 4/26/02. I did threaten divorce back in April/02, when I first found out and WH has never addressed that. He turned tables and went off on me how he was sick of me going off on him everytime I hear something from every Tom, [censored] and Harry. And how he wasn't even going to put up with me leaving messages on his cell like that because his company monitored the calls. (Hmmmmm, he didn't seem worried about that whenever we would talk sexy on the phone prior to my finding out "OW" was still in picture"). His stuff he left here from when he originally moved out in 99 is still here and his mail is still coming here.<p>Well, this morning I called "OW" and left a message on her answering machine. Calmly, non-threatening, I stated: "This is (my name)", you don't need to return my call but I have a couple things I would like to say to you. I am asking you to be a woman of honor and let my husband go. We made our vows in front of GOD, our family and friends and you were not a part of that. I hold nothing against you. I am asking that you bow out of somewhere you don't belong. (Then I calmly hung up). Her kids (all adults) do not know my WH is still married (they have hid that fact OW & my WH). One of her kids may hear message before her.<p>Can't explain, just something I needed to do. Right or wrong, I felt I had a right to stand for my marriage. Tired of lies and deception.<p>[ June 06, 2002: Message edited by: BetrayedAgain ]</p>