Hi Sue, Hi SS,

First of all I am keeping my fingers crossed for you Sue. I so want the better situation be permanent and real for you.

ABout me - it is not going well.
I began again having anxiety attacks - probably because I believe there is renewed and frequent contact, in combination of even more drifting apart in our household.

So I'm thinking, depite my objections this time related to serious health isues of my close family member who should not be upset with any kind of emotional stuff, I will need to procced with plan B.

As I see it it has to be preceded by legal separation.

I just can't imagine no contact without any kind of certainity re financial issues. I lost my trust in H ability and coolness of mind re finances. Rosy glasses and greediness, maybe too much trust and also too much of lucky feeling.

Or maybe I became total pessimist.Or maybe MINE experience did it to me.

And this may not be an easy agreement. Regardless of how flexible and compromising I might be.

On the brighter side I "should" hear something in my current job next week. I say should because there were many empty promises before.

With this kind of constatnt stress I am deteriorariting physically and emotionally - food being my only consolation got out of control. It is even more sad that I am aware of it but unable to stop.

And I know on H side there is a skill and time, just not a will.

And I can't change that.

So I will let you know what I have done to enable myself to change the way I act and feel.

I feel that going the counseling/antiD route this time is going to be not more than a bandaid.

Have to go
FBOW

I keep saying (to myself) that I need to post to you, but I have been living in the fast lane these last few weeks.

I keep hoping to hear relief in your voice instead of stress. I keep praying for it too - you as well as Ginger, and Sue, and lots of others (you too, SAB, and It look like I will keep it up.)

I am at work answering the alarm. It looks like some boxes fell over. I think I will go home and help celebrate. Root Beer floats, made with home made rootbeer.

FBOW, people care about you. This is not the way the future will be for you. I don't know how long it will last, but things will be different sometime down the line. I am sorry for the pain, I am sorry it continues. You - all of you gals have done an amazing job. I commend you - and encourage you.

Smile, remember God loves you. Remember you have friends and you are not alone in the world.

Need to go, see you later.

SS

I have not had homemade rootbeer since I was a kid.

FBOW - I do keep thinking of you. Right now, I have now words of help, but I want you to know I think of you and pray for you.

Sue

I consulted a lawyer letting him know that I am committed to the M just need info re financial protection.

It doesn't look good - in the respect that legal separation works only as long as nobody files for divorce and if agreed upon is relatively inexpensive - yet when sides do not agree it's like regular DV proceeding, only later you need to do it again.

All in all it really leaves me praying for any betterment of communication with my H, as it would be so priceless even I we did end up separated. WIthout it no matter what stage we are at, it will be ugly. Much nastier then the current hellish limbo. And not brief.

I got my review finally and a raise.
If I knew that I could rely on my H cooperation the split could be simple and clean and probably best for all of us now.

So that's it for now,
FBOW

Hi FBOW,
I really ought to tease you, but I think I'll just talk about your post instead.

Put it to him as a business propisition. (perhaps you have?)

Send him a short mail.
Explain what you feel needs to be done.

I suppose you have tried lots of things already, perhpas this has been tried.

I still fear he is waiting for something and has plans of his own.

You are better able to live on your own if you have to, I know you can take care of yourself.

Praying for your marriage, and your family.

SS

<small>[ July 17, 2004, 06:50 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Dear FBOW,
I read back a little on some of your old posts. Not much has changed since you came here.

I think it's time for a report. Perhaps some of your old friends will have helpful words for you.

At any rate, Merry Christmas.

May the gifts you recieve this season reflect the respect and love of your friends.

God be with you.

SS