well, I'm back. My hubby of 21 years has finally walked out on us after three year affair with his 29 year old girlfriend. He left me saying that she was spunky, fun and not boring. She had lots of friends etc..then he left without saying goodby to my 14 yr old son. i have three kids..he walked passed one of them. Before he left he told me she had another aborption.(2). He phone tow days later and asked to come back. We decided to let him in. Unknown to us,he finally left three days later. saying he could never let her go. Someone else would get her and he could never live without her. Well, reality hit...he hit bottom. Six weeks later, he is moving out of their love nest into a place of his own. He calls the kids daily and speaks to me often. i was told by my therapist not to talk or see him. He disagrees. he wants to be a family again. he misses his family and family life. He wants to go into intense marriage counseling. The kicker to all this- he went awy this weekend with her )to keep the peace-they fight all the time). His actions will speak louder than words. My questions is..can this marriage be saved? has anyone been thru this and survived? i still love him and he kisses me passionately, says he made a
hugh mistake, wants to reconcile.and he says he DOES LOVE ME..do I beliieve him? go to Marriage Builders weekend? etc..HELP!!!

In time...
...you know you'll have to let him back...
...BUT ONLY... if he can make the first step of no contact!

He's not there yet, since he is still in contact with the OW.

From "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)...

What if the Wayward spouse contacts the lover?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If there is a failure to totally separate from a lover, it usually means that the measures taken to guarantee separation are inadequate. (page 73 of SAA)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Any contact with the OP by the wayward, sets the wayward's recovery time back to the beginning. (page 73 of SAA)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">While there is no hope for reconciliation when the affair is underway, as soon as the affair is ended, reconciliation is definitely possible. (page 74 of SAA)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...he needs to prove in action... (not just a profession)... that he is ready to start a recovery!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

Jim:
Thanks for some positive hopes. I have heard so many negatives today, that I'm ready to cry. One marriage group told me I'm the mistress now and she 's the wife. Role reverasl. This has hit so hard..any suggestions on this?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by NSR:
<strong>In time...
...you know you'll have to let him back...
...BUT ONLY... if he can make the first step of no contact!

He's not there yet, since he is still in contact with the OW.

From "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)...

What if the Wayward spouse contacts the lover?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If there is a failure to totally separate from a lover, it usually means that the measures taken to guarantee separation are inadequate. (page 73 of SAA)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Any contact with the OP by the wayward, sets the wayward's recovery time back to the beginning. (page 73 of SAA)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">While there is no hope for reconciliation when the affair is underway, as soon as the affair is ended, reconciliation is definitely possible. (page 74 of SAA)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...he needs to prove in action... (not just a profession)... that he is ready to start a recovery!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

No...
...you are NOT the mistress...
...you are the 'blessed' wife!
...and that is a position of honor (if you remember the vows).

When any group of individuals says otherwise...
...they are buying into the thoughts of Satan...

When someone says right is wrong and wrong is right...
...they are buying into the will of the world...

Stand firm in truth and light!
You can not and will not ever feel better by abdicating the truth...

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

Seaside, It sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. She's meeting some of his EN and you others. But until he breaks off all contact, there can be no start to recovery. What you can do now is plan A. It sounds like she is LBing him alot if they fight all the time. That's yur chance to make yourself as attractive as possible to him by doing plan A.

Have you read the MB concepts on this site? If you haven't please do, I think that you will find a lot of answers as to what is going on with your WS and his actions. Not to say that it will feel any better, but sometimes its comforting to know that all those WS act and say about the same things.

If you want this M to work, you've got to fight for it. I have used the concepts that I have read about here with success. D-day was over 9 mo. ago and my H and I are getting better and better. I can tell you that our situation has been dire but this site has been the best thing for the success of my M. Keep posting! C

I'm so much happier since I went back to this site. I need to pick up my book again and do PlanA. H called tonight and I got enraged. I heard the OW say..I'm going to get dressed...I just lost it. He screamed back and shut off his cell phone. So I guess I lost this one! i set limits with him that IF he didn't phone tonight to say good night to his kids, then don't come to see us on Sunday.. he said fine and hung up. Now, reality hits and I'm so angry that I set a limit. I guess I'm afraid to lose him. I know I need to try not to LB him...I need to get my book out! NOW!! Thanks for all your help...and making me feel better!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by firefly10:
<strong>Seaside, It sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. She's meeting some of his EN and you others. But until he breaks off all contact, there can be no start to recovery. What you can do now is plan A. It sounds like she is LBing him alot if they fight all the time. That's yur chance to make yourself as attractive as possible to him by doing plan A.

Have you read the MB concepts on this site? If you haven't please do, I think that you will find a lot of answers as to what is going on with your WS and his actions. Not to say that it will feel any better, but sometimes its comforting to know that all those WS act and say about the same things.

If you want this M to work, you've got to fight for it. I have used the concepts that I have read about here with success. D-day was over 9 mo. ago and my H and I are getting better and better. I can tell you that our situation has been dire but this site has been the best thing for the success of my M. Keep posting! C</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Jim:
Thanks for telling me the positives...I just need to remember I'm the wife. Hopefully once day soon, he will do as he says and move out of her apartment! then recovery can start. any good suggestions...the rage is aweful! and then i feel horrible afterwards. I guess I'm lB him too.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by NSR:
<strong>No...
...you are NOT the mistress...
...you are the 'blessed' wife!
...and that is a position of honor (if you remember the vows).

When any group of individuals says otherwise...
...they are buying into the thoughts of Satan...

When someone says right is wrong and wrong is right...
...they are buying into the will of the world...

Stand firm in truth and light!
You can not and will not ever feel better by abdicating the truth...

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">