If you could keep me and my boy in your prayers.DEC 11th we have a 3hour Assessment Interview about parenting time with STBXH.
He's trying to get the standard everyother weekend.And I'm fighting it hoping he'll continue to get supervised visitation with my parents present.Please pray for favor in the assessment,since he's abusive/and does drugs.My son needs his dad but his dad needs help as well

The past couple of weeks WS,has been trying everything in his power to contact me Leaving voice messages on my cell phone,even in letters.Each letter/and voice mail ranges from nice to flat out evilness.
I haven't responded to any of them . One letter he says he doesn't want things this way,he would rather be with me.If I can't bring him back to how we were once In Love then he wants nothing to do with me.The person he once knew wouldn't have left him in *his* finacial mess.
He wanted me and his son out he would yell that in front of our family/friends.The bills are his in his name,i'm taking care of my own.In the court paperwork,he is responsible for the bills he's asking me to pay.
Since I make more money then him he thinks it's inhumane of me to leave him in that mess.

The VM says I know you still Love me,but I think you can't get over me because you can't get over yourself! Since you didn't listen to me before I divorced you(thats the fog we are not yet divorced)!!
I don't care what you think my penis is doing,if you don't pay 400 a month.I'm going to go bankrupt and then the landlord will go after you.Plus are credit will be all messed up,i'm looking to the future here.I see you going down a bad path,and just like before your not listening to me.
Now it's... you should pay the 400,no matter what.I can't promise i'll give up Ow.When before he was saying he would if I payed the 400.
He also said if you want us to ever work then you need to be lovable.And the actions in court,and you being stuborn show me you don't know what LOVE IS !

That Boggles my mind,I know Love doesn't suck the life out of people and leave them.I stood by him for so long..how can he doubt my Love(now dwindling)!!
He'll leave a message like "everytime you eat think of me and how I have nothing".

Yesterday,he was suppost to come for a visit with son,called said he had to work all day long..and plus he was not feeling well.

He will maybe come once a week to see his son for 30 min.
So a friend of mine and me went past our old place,one of the OW was at our old place.
They were inside and no one noticed us drive by.She was there all day into the evening when they left together to go to her place to sleep.
They didn't notice we fallowed them a mile away.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
MY MOUTH DROPPED TO THE FLOOR,SHE LIVED AT THE SAME APARTMENT BUILDING WE FIRST LIVED IN WHEN WE GOT MARRIED!!!!
We had so many good memories there,and he now is staying in the same place...What trying to recreate them!?
He's still seeing BOTH ow,at least I know were they live for future referance..if WS gets our son everyother weekend he's not to have him around them until divorce is final.

He's yelling on the voice mails and he seems very angry..says life has sh*t on him,and how could I do this if I really loved him.

He called again today left another message,saying the landlord has found someone to rent the place.
And he has to be out by this Sunday!!
He also said he had no idea where he would be moving.He didn't know when he would be able to pop by and see our son.He said thanx for making me homeless,and for showing how much he ment to me,by allowing this to happen to him.Now he's having to move on Thanksgiving.Bye

That was it,he sounded like he was in Panic mode.How could he not know where he's moving in by the weekend!?

This will be interesting...i'll update when i know more.

I know its hard but it is important that you be strong because no one else can be for you. I have the "standard" husband cheated on me story: co-worker, supposwdly a one time thing because he didn't think he was loved. I guess it all came back that night huh?

In any case, it has been a little over 4 months since i found out. Sometimes those old feelings when I first found out come back. When will it end, who knows?!@#

Your situation is what is causing you to not be able to heal. You keep enduring blow after blow. I don't think you will heal until he is out of your life. I know that parents are important in their children's lives, but do you think he has your child in mind or at heart? That is a decision that only you have the answeer to. Is he using your son as an excuse to stay around and bother you? Good luck to you. I know it sounds cliche, but things do happen for a reason. I am still trying to find out my "reason" for being cheated on. I won't blame myself though, please don't blame yourself either. Be strong.!!!

Dec 3rd..the day ws and I met back in 1993. What a suprise He called me from work,and asked me to meet him at his work for his lunch break..and to bring our son.Aggggh.. I went ,I know I know!
We went to Arby's I ended up buying him and our son lunch,cause he forgot to bring his wallet.

He talked mostly,told me he was looking for a room somewhere to rent for a whole 300 a month.And he wants son every other weekend there..ya right!!!!!!~

He started talking to the table next to us...it was a women and her two kids he was flirting with her.Then he started talking again to me!

Same old lines "Look in the mirrior look what you've done to me"."Your taking all my money"(even though I haven't seen any of it yet).
He said to me "Mary,how would you feel if someone took your child away from you,made you out to look like a bad guy.Take away my money when you don't need it you make more then me".Then he says I'm selfish,i'm worldly(were in the world did he get that one from )I'm far from that!!!!!!

I said well Ken in 10 years who will you be blaming then!? I've noticed every choice he makes he blames me! EVEN His morals,he twists it around somehow and I'm the one with moral flaws.....that makes sense ! I've always been the one labled the GOOD GIRL..I've been with only him,i haven't had sex in God knows how long now and I'm the one with problems. Then he says of course I'm going to stay over Ow'ens places when he has no where to go.
WS says I'm a hippy at heart I would never do anything to hurt anyone.He's far from that!

Then he says PROVE IT TO ME....SHOW ME YOU CARE.
Sign a lease with me so I can get an appartment(studio)somewhere,show me that you don't want to screw me over! Help pay for my cell to be turned back on again!

THEN he says Go watch the movie STEP MOM,cause thats the way your life will be if we get a divorce.I said you maybe seeing me very happy with someone else,and someone else being a DAD to our son since his dad can't step up to the plate!
Then I said go watch the movie ENOUGH because thats what I should have done to you!!


Had to vent sorry Of course I cannot give him any money.....in 10 years will he still be blaming me,and throwing OW in my face!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Then he says PROVE IT TO ME....SHOW ME YOU CARE. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are showing him that you do care. By letting him go, he will at least have half a chance to turn it around. And you don't deserve to be drug through the mud of it all. That's my 2 cents.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> in 10 years will he still be blaming me,and throwing OW in my face!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I totally agree.

Good luck.

Dear Mary
Thanks for the link to your photos! My gosh, girl - you are absolutely beautiful! And you are obviously intelligent, caring, hardworking. I'm sorry but your H sounds like he is nowhere near deserving of you! My counselor believes that nearly any marriage can be saved UNLESS there is physical abuse involved. Your situation sounds like there is physical abuse, and emotional abuse, and just simply abuse of you and your emotions as a person. My opinion - bottom line - not a good role model for your child. By the way, the child is absolutely beautiful too. You are young, with many many good qualities. I know you've been with this man a long time, but you CAN find someone else who will treat you right, that you will love and respect, and who will love and respect you too. He has made his choices, which have caused his current situation - and has saddled you with responsibility for his child. You owe him NOTHING! Put the care of you and your child first, and the rest will fall into place. Remember, divorce is merely a "state of the relationship". It doesn't mean the end of a relationship, especially when children are involved. This guy needs what he is getting, and which he is sowing for himself. Stick to your guns, listen to your intuition, and take appropriate steps to take care of yourself in the meantime. You are establishing excellent boundaries. Don't compromise on what is acceptable behavior for you. If you do, he has nothing to lose. Maybe he will come to realize what he has chosen to abuse, and has lost. Maybe he will mend his ways. But then again, maybe not. So in the meantime,do what is right and best for you and your family - safeguard yourselves from abuse of ANY kind. You are young yet, dear -- and you can and will have a wonderful and bright future life once you get past this radar screen blip. My heart goes out to you. Big hugs.
Terri

are you keeping records of his phone calls and letters? because if not, you really should! they may be helpful when it comes to the issue of visitation, and if he knows your doing it, it mean even stop them. you shouldn't have to deal with his venom and delusions at this time. it really sounds like no contact at all would be best for not only you, but by extension your child. all the tension he's causing you can't be good for either of you!