I've been married 18 years. In year four, my H had a one-night stand. During the following 14 years, I've always looked for clues off and on, whenever he gave me reason to (like going to bars and drinking too much). Recently, I've intercepted a phone message on cell phone from another woman at a bar asking him to return to the bar. I called when he was at the bar and he left. He works out of state for the past three years. Comes home once every two months. I recently quit job to travel with him more. One-child grown, one grandson (l yr.) He lied about receiving the call, then admitted it. Lied about knowing the girl, then admitted she worked with him. Said he lied cause he knew how I would react (crazy like I did). I said he had to prove to me he hasn't been cheating. Said would take a lie-detector test. I set it up and then he backed out of it. Said he knew in his heart and mind that he did not cheat and taking the test would demean his pride and dignity and humiliate him. I could undersatnd this but I told him that it was my top emotional need to be honest with each other and not to lie as his top emotional need was sex. This past weekend he came home and refused to take the test cause he wanted to spend time with family, etc. The day before he left, and after much emotional crying and hurting on my part, he agreed to take the test again. We made beautiful love before he left, three times. Next day, today, he reconfirmed he would take the test. Now I feel like I am forcing him to take it? Is he just making me feel guilty or what? I really want to know if he has been lying all these years (14) or what. Then, if he has been, I could make a decision to start plan A or divorce him. Your thoughts, please.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I had my H take a polygraph test once he told me "all" the truth was out. He reacted much same way...kept changing his mind...last time I held very firm...if you have nothing to hide...you have nothing to fear.

I did tons of research on polygraphs and their accuracy...they are very accurate when administered by a very experienced examiner, when the right questions are asked (agree to those with examiner up front..only get to ask 3-4 questions and all have to be related). Only people who an pass who are lying are folks with special military training.

People who are telling the truth don't fail if very specific questions are asked (get in trouble if inexperienced examiner allows too loose of a question to be asked).

My H failed some of the questions...he thought that based on how questions were worded..he could trick the test. Boy was he reformed after failing that test...he came clean with all the little details he'd been hiding (he told truth about major things prior to test).

Thanks to reading all the books, his love for me and kids, IC, MC and lots of hard work...he is now an open book...most open and honest guy around.

The test saved my sanity...I had to know that he was telling me the truth...that he could be honest...that he trusted me enough to tell the truth. Knew I/we couldn't recover without truth.

Best Wishes!

Thank you Jazzygirl and forevertogether for the valuable information. I did a little research and have found the test also not to be 100% accurate, however, like forevertogether's H, maybe mine will fess up to the truth. I think he is trying to prolong the inevitable by posponing the test two months. He'll probably do his own research on how to beat it. He has been in the military years ago. The individual who is willing to perform the test seems to be very professional. I just need to know the truth so I can move on with or without him. I'm tired of the lies and deceitfullness. He is gone most of the time so the trust has to be there for our marriage to work. Again thanks for the input. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

How much does a polygraph test usually cost? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I've only checked with one individual. He does a voice-activated polygraph test. Says it's just as accurate as the other type where you're hooked up to wires and such. For 10 original questions, about 1 to 2 hours of work it's $275.00. I thought this was a small price to pay for my sanity. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

In my research the voice activated tests were not as accurate. The regular measures 3 different things...not just voice. We paid $350 for the test and yes it was a small price to pay for my sanity and M.

Don't let him postpone the test...that just makes it worse for you, he's of course hoping the whole time you'll change your mind. When we decided to do it..we called and scheduled appointment for next day.

Regular military training won't help him..he would have to have been in special ops type training.

Thanks for pointing out that the tests are different. I think I will look into another place now that I know. It seemed odd that he was willing to come to our home (100 miles away) to perform the test. Said he comes our way a lot. Anyway, maybe it was a God-send that he refused to take the test at first!!! Sometimes, I feel like crawling up in a ball and just lying there for eternity. Thanks for your support and for MB website.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />