I feel as though I am losing my mind. These neverending sleepless nights are killing me and when I do sleep my dreams are filled with visions of the affairs. I have read many articles and books, most of which deal with affairs that last for longer periods of time. My situation is totally different. My husband is very weak in his rehabilitation from drugs and alcohol, which is no excuse, but on two different occassions had a one night stand while on drugs and alcohol. (One with a mutual friends girlfriend and the other with a prostitute). This happened a year ago and he finally admitted recently when I questioned him yet again on a gut feeling that I had. What makes this worse for me is that it all happened less than one month after we were married. Now I just can't find a way of getting past it. When I dream, it is like reinacting the affairs and I also dream of affiars that probably aren't happening and wake up mad at my husband. How do I make him understand that his actions are not helping in making this easier to cope with? For example, going to the store to get milk shouldn't take 2 hours when the store is 2 blocks away. Any insight to help me cope with these one night stands would be great. I'm almost to the point of just giving up on trying. Thank you and best wishes to you all.

AM,

Welcome to the forum. My husband was the one night stand kinda guy too. Both were with prostitutes, both involved mass quanitites of alchohol. Our home life was good, but we were separated alot and the opportunity for a night of debauchery was just there. Oh, I was also pregnant both times. So, I do know how you feel. The second incident was in a Thai brothel that is lengendary for catering the to wants and needs of any man. How's that for pictures? LOL I don't know how long it's been since you found out, but the pictures do fade after a while. It's taken almost two years of recovery to rebuild this marriage.

If there is any good news in this scenario, its that loveless affairs are easy to walk away from. Many of the folks here are dealing with WSs who are addicted to their lovers. Believe it or not...that makes us lucky in one way, because our husband's never thought about truly leaving us...just having a selfish night of infidelity.

The bad news is that because alcohol or drugs lowers inhibitions, and these guys are have already shown a basic lack of morality....it's not a good situation. Further, the concepts here do NOT work well when there are addictions in place, no matter what they are....because there is no way to POJA with an addict.

The bottom line is, that the addictions or excessive recreational use of drugs and alchohol are going to have to be addressed befor you can hope to build your marriage. Having said that, the fact that your husband confessed is an encouraging sign.

Hope this helps a bit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hi Amartin,

While I don't really have any advice, I will say a prayer for you and your husband.

AMartin:

Before the marriage can begin the healing process, your husband MUST treat his addiction(s). Without that, the possibility of relapse and possible future one night stands will always be there.

So address one problem at a time. Get him the help he needs for alcohol and drug abuse. Once that program is well underway, and he is recovering from those problems, it will be far easier for the two of you to begin using MB principles in your marriage to move beyond the affairs he had.

Godspeed to you both,
STL