What I mean by this, is that I must discover the truth, even if it means a polygraph test.
What if she does not agree to take the test?
What if she takes the test, tells the truth and fails? Or vice-versa?
There is a reason polygraphs are NOT allowed in court.

The vehicle of the truth or means to the truth must at least be equal to my degree of doubt and suspicion. I mentioned this to my wife. She has stated that there is nothing more she can offer, she does not remember or she denies it all.
If she's not mentally ill, she remembers. It's too much for them to face the truth which is why they say deny or say they can't remember.

If I know the truth, we can work to overcome it and heal.
Until she is willing to tell you the truth, she won't work to overcome it and heal.

If If I don't, it's like trying to put a band-aid on a stab wound.
But what your logic seems comparable to putting a bandaid on someone with chicken pox.

I am still dealing with deep doubts and suspicions
Then don't think of them as doubts. Just think of it as she is having an affair, stil seeing him, etc. It's easier to deal with if you KNOW SOMETHING is happening as opposed to not having an idea if ANYTHING is happening.

Can I just say one thing?

My H (the WS) started talking to me about a week and a half ago about "the fact that he knew I had had an affair and just wouldn't admit it."

I have not had one; I have told him this in no uncertain terms. Once upon a time there was someone else I was attracted to, but it turns out I dealt with that appropriately and told H about it, and distanced myself.

What I told him about this was, I can say this all I want, but I can't prove I *didn't* have an affair, if that's what he believes. I have offered to take a polygraph, but he has turned me down. And frankly, I'm glad he did because I know that there's a possibility the test would be inconclusive, which would essentially seal my guilt in H's eyes, when I haven't done anything.

I look at it this way: either you choose to "trust" your wife...in the Harley sense, which is you find a way to meet EN's, find a way toward forgiveness, and then build the trust again, or you will probably always be miserable. What if she passed the test? Would that truly change things for you? You say you have evidence that she is guilty.... Well? Is a polygraph going to change the evidence?

Finally this week my H admitted that he was just hoping to break me down into admitting that I also was guilty so that he would feel better. He claims that he knows I am innocent because my story never changes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Whatever it takes...but as so many have said, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?"

Vizzie

I have been there my friend, my WW said the same thing, "just friends" I like you had the agony of 1.5 years of wondering. Sometimes it helps to know you are not crazy. I did the following and these are just ideas, you may not want to follow.

1. Access cell phone bill on line - all calls etc housed here. look for multiple calls and frequency of calls
2. Credit card invoice access - like cell phone, can be done on line and can tell you a ton of info.

Unfortunately, your wife is probably engaged in an A, or she would not get defensive and tell you you are crazy(typical response) . All I had to do was access the above records and it was plain as day. Now, this does not mean your wife will confess, but it does give you info, and dont be surprised if your wife is pissed you snooped. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SNOOP. You have expressed your feelings in a mature manner, and have been told to buzz off. Why would a marriage need this kind of secrecy??

Good luck I hope its not true!

Vizzie,
You don't need a polygraph here. Your gut has already given you the answer.

Follow fff's advice and dig up all the info you can. You do have every right to know but you cannot count on your WS to tell you. She won't, unless confronted with indisputable evidence, and even then will probably get angry and protest.

People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. If she does not want to give information about her life to her own husband, there's a reason for it.