Just found OW's number, it's be 13 days, now of not know for sure if WS and OW have been in contact. WH assures me they have not. I feel like I need to call her to see where her head is. Is she going to try to fix her own marriage and leave mine alone? Plese give some advice and how to handle it.
Thanks,Meltingdown

I contacted OW in July. She just laughed at me and it was thoroughly humiliating. So I would not do it.

Also they lie and I wouldn't believe anything they said. She told me her H knew. I found out by talking to him that he did not. It's just a waste of time to give them any attention.

M,

I agree with Believer. There is no reason to think the OW would be honest with you no matter what she has to say.

Your marriage recovering has less to do with her and more to do with your husband.

I haven't read your story so I don't know what he's doing to restore your trust. But NC is important for both you and your husband. The OW doesn't belong in your marriage. Blessings, CSue

I spoke with OW with husband sitting right in front of me so he couldn't lie his way out of anything. I found out he lied way more to her than he did to me, so it was kind of liberating. I was also able to listed to him tell her not to contact him anymore, that he loved his wife more than anything in the world and prayed that we would be able to save our marriage. I was lucky in this respect, because I know he wasn't completely out of his fog. He had enough presence of mind to realize that our marriage was more important than the fantasy he was playing out. It was also kind of nice hearing her scream at him over the phone telling him he deserved an academy award for his performance during their affair. From your posts, it seems that your husband really does want your marriage to work. Just hang in there, IMO I think a call to her wouldn't hurt as long as you feel you can come across as dignified. Get your points across, let her know you aren't giving up on your marriage and that he isn't either and then let her go.

I wouldn't bother contacting the OW. She is obviously of low moral character anyway. I would however require my H to account for his time, give access to email etc.

I hope you don't mind my comment! I attempted to contact the OW after I found out about she and my H. I called her office three days in a row (my H wouldn't give me her phone number but he told me where she worked) Needless to say she never called me back so I stopped calling her. She told my H that she was leaving that job at the end of the month (5/2003) I later found an email she sent him saying he should tell her what to say so they could keep their stories straight.

It doesn't really matter what her intentions are toward your husband, all that matters is your husbands intentions toward your M. I know that it is hard to accept that your problems are with your H, I struggle with that everyday. My H and the OW are still in contact with each other, he may have ended the PA but I don't know about the EA. But now, eight months after I found out, I handle it alot better because I'm moving toward my Plan B.