1. I had an A for a year and a half
2. Currently, W is involved in mostly EA, perhaps PA as well, since 2001-02?
3. We seemed to be on the path to recovery but then very recently, I had ONS with two of her close friends (a 3-some in a hot tub). She found out the next week. One of the friends was drunk and said lets go back to my house and have an orgy. Well my wife knew immedicately something happened the previous week. She came home and asked what happened and I told her everything. At that time she told me about the OM, whom I had suspected.
W was already in the process of leaving our M and now she feels deeply betrayed by my recent actions, as well as those of her friends. I have been Plan A'ing my heart out since that time but have not exposed her A yet other than to our pastor.
I am being honest about my failings in the M and she is gradually recommitting to our M again.
Should I expose W current relationship with OM to her mother? (Her mother would strongly disapprove and her opinion means everything to my W)
Or should I wait another couple of weeks or so to see if things continue to progress? And see if she can finally break all contact with OM? (He's pressuring her for more, she's backing off from him.)
My W feels alone, with this most recent betrayal of mine. Lost her friends, lost what faith she had in her H. I don't want her to feel like she's losing her mom too, particularly because of MY actions...my actions have seriously hurt her to the core already.
Yeah, the details of my situation are close. We both had a mutual D-day when I told her everything that happened with her friends. They told her nothing bad happened just skinny dipping. I told her everything and I'm glad I did as she would see later that it was truly hurting me when I thought about what I did. To think her closest friend said she wished that we could all tell my wife and she would be okay with it. (Just shows what kind of friend she was, okay with it? Come On!) Yeah, I'm gonna let you kick me in the privates 100 times and be "okay" with it... Sorry had to get that out of my system. My W revealed that she was having an A with the man that I suspected. The next morning she asked if there was anyone else and I told her of the long term A. (Year and a half). She said that she suspected, but wasn't really concerned due to the fact that she was being unfaithul too.
My wife said, the sad thing was I was becoming someone she liked again. We were talking doing things with each others friends and spending more time with each other.
As far as exposing her A right now I think I have much more to lose than to gain at this point. I truly believe that she's very close to giving up on the OM. She does tell me the truth when I ask her about contact with the OM. She's always told me the truth in this area. I asked her about him a week or so ago and she said yes that he was on the phone. She said she doesn't want to lie anymore. Is that a conscience peeking through? Plan A has been great! I know it's a modified Plan A, but we all have to make adjustments that apply to our own situations. It's not that I would expose the A, I don't believe the timing or the situation is right. I have to remember that as long as I'm still the betrayer in her mind then that's how I must respond. Her light is slowly coming on. She talks frequently with the kids about what a woman looks for in a man. It's always while I'm within ear shot. I think she's giving me hints and affirmation without doing it directly. She'll say something like, "Do you see how Dad gets up and makes breakfast for the family? That's what women look for in man".
We're growing together by doing homework together and projects. So for me to expose her A right now, I think would be disasterous. In addition, her faith is growing right now. I'm not sure if you're a Christian, but I'm trusting that God is drawing her back towards her home. She has told me that what she's doing is wrong. Two months after D-day the fog would lift and she'd come home from the OM's early crying saying she couldn't keep hurting me and she new that home was where she was supposed to be. I truly believe that's why she didn't go to the OM's last Friday. She's trying to keep him as a friend because she thinks she doesn't have any where else to turn. Truth be known she has lots of people to talk to, but they're going to tell her what she doesn't want to hear right now. Okay, I'll stop preaching to the choir.
Her cousins wedding is this weekend. The OM is the cousin of the fiancee. He will be at the wedding and so will I. Any suggestions on how to carry myself. (What if they start talking to each other like nothings happened between them) There are a lot of variables that could happen. I've decided that no matter what happens I'm going to act with confidence and not like I'm the one who's still continuing to do wrong. No LB's and lots of smiles.
I know I've rambled. Please share your thoughts...
