Hi to all of you who remember me. Star , ginger etc. I have not been here in quite a while. I thought things where better, but lately all the feelings are rushing thru me again and I feel so depressed and hurt all over again. Don't get me wrong the hurt really has not gone any where but lately my children are seeing the diffrence in my actions etc. My son said something to me a couple of days ago, He said this is weird mom, it is like you and dad changed personalities, he is the nice one and you are the mean one now. How that broke my heart . He is right Im mad all the time I can't function the way I should be and I hate myself this way. Why do we the innocent ones in this have the pain and the sorrow. I know my husband hurts also but it can't be like what I feel Im going thru. Can it?? Im tired of being un sociable not myself. I hate this I really do. Why can't I move on? Can someone please answer this for me? hurtinhart.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I cant answer it for you but I can let you know how much I care.I understand your pain.

I have learned(and I am no expert and we all know this <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )that it seems that since we have been pushed into this world of A's that it is now every where.You can not turn on TV with out a trigger,you can not listen to music with out a trigger and you feel you can not love freely for fear of being hurt again.I believe this is one reason it is so hard to get over the pain.

I wish I could tell you to tune it all out and all will be fine but I cant.What I can tell you is this.Your H (and mine i guess heehe)love us or they would not put up with what we throw at them week after week.It is so very hard for me to accept the fact that he does love me, so I find I make things harder on myself.Yesterday I felt so happy and even thought wow I think I can just put it all away now and go on and what ever happens happens.
But today it was all gone,the happy feelings of yesterday.
Why??? I really dont know......maybe the fact that I dont feel the affection from him that I think he should show me,maybe I am just so afraid that he really does love me enough not to ever hurt me like this again that I can not accept it.
I do not have the answer hurtin but I do have an ear to listen and a shoulder for tears.

My D gave me a coffee mug and on it,it says "Just for today be happy" and that is what I am trying to do.No longer think of things in long term but only for one day.So for today I will be happy and for today just try and be happy,not for tomorrow,not for next week or month but just today!!!

You are a wonderful,funny,beautiful woman and your H is blessed to have you.

I think for you my friend and for me the answer lies in forgiveness.We must learn to forgive.That does not mean we will forget but that we will truly forgive our H's.It will be very hard I know but I believe once we can do this it will be the first big step toward our true happiness.

Take care my friend
Love GS

I know exactly how you feel. I have been treating my children poorly lately. One of them even said, "Mom, why are you so mad all the time? Why do you always get upset over everything?

The reason . .. . . I have a broken heart! I can't believe that my H of 18 years would sleep with another woman and sleep with her more than once. (He travels and she is his co-worker.) He has told me hundreds of times that he is sorry and it will never happen again, but every time I look at him all I see is the infidelity. I am very angry and very bitter!!!! I wake up mad, stay mad all day, and go to bed mad. When will it ever end?????

Hi gingersnap,, Im so glad to hear from you, hehe Thank you so much for being there for me when you can. Thank you for trying to understand . I know exactly how you feel I do believe our husbands love us, especially mine because i am so mean all the time.. The mug your D got you says it all. Life is so short and we need to learn how to follow the writing on the mug. I wonder if most who say things are much better and that they have moved on really do? I mean I was able to for a few months but like you said every thing triggers it for me. Hotels, restraunts, waitresse's ugghhh. I try to be the best that i can but something always happens to make me feel down in the dumps. My husband is trying so hard but still i feel he is getting away with it.. I know he is hurting but it cannot be the way i am , or can it? Well enough for now , thanks again my friend, thanks,,,Hurtin

Hi sherry, Im sorry your in the same boat as most of us here. I too was in shock I had been married 17 years when i found out. Two beautiful children and a marriage i thought was strong. I really do think being mean to our children is not our fault but I also know that we need to talk about what is on our minds. That is why Im back here talking again..I was not mean in the beginning but i think the anger is now surfacing and h is not always around but the kids are. I have no one to talk to really exept my dear friends Alberta and Ginger. Thanks girls i luv you both. Seems so unfair we get knocked down with a broken heart and yet we are the bad ones in the childrens eyes. My h affair happened while he was away for work also. As far as I know it happened only once but now almost 7 years ago. I found out only well almost two years ago. The pain comes and goes. I want to be the way i used to be, I want to be happy more than one day out of the week , I want my kids to want me around and right now I think they could probably care less if I was not here. Sometimes I feel they would all be better off if I was not here, for all i do is hang low, and get upset over the littlest things. Thank you for responding sherry , I wish you the best with your marriage. hurtinhart

Hi sherry, Im sorry your in the same boat as most of us here. I too was in shock I had been married 17 years when i found out. Two beautiful children and a marriage i thought was strong. I really do think being mean to our children is not our fault but I also know that we need to talk about what is on our minds. That is why Im back here talking again..I was not mean in the beginning but i think the anger is now surfacing and h is not always around but the kids are. I have no one to talk to really exept my dear friends Alberta and Ginger. Thanks girls i luv you both. Seems so unfair we get knocked down with a broken heart and yet we are the bad ones in the childrens eyes. My h affair happened while he was away for work also. As far as I know it happened only once but now almost 7 years ago. I found out only well almost two years ago. The pain comes and goes. I want to be the way i used to be, I want to be happy more than one day out of the week , I want my kids to want me around and right now I think they could probably care less if I was not here. Sometimes I feel they would all be better off if I was not here, for all i do is hang low, and get upset over the littlest things. Thank you for responding sherry , I wish you the best with your marriage. hurtinhart

Hi , Here I am thinking again. I was hoping that i would see someone online but since its Sat I guess everyone is out doing the family thing. I hope to hear from someone soon. Thanks Ginger and Sherry for responding to my post. hurtinhart

Hi Hurtin
Im online.hehehehe
Im not out doing the family thing today I am spending the day alone.
Last night H and I had a big blow out it has been a while since we have had a big fight but last night I kind of lost it.
I guess it is the rollercoaster ride.
Hope you are feeling better today.

Hope to connect w/you soon.

Hi Hurtin,

I can feel for you. I am in the same boat. I try to mask the pain but it erupts over and over again.

People all tell me it will take time to heal and become a whole person again. But, all I think about is how I am taking care of our home, trying my best to save our marriage, avoiding the temptation to LB, avoiding the temptation to look for female companionshipo. And all the time I am doing this my WW is happily carrying on a romance with the OM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I also get angry and I find that when the anger leaves it takes the pain away with it. Maybe that's a male thing. I don't know. It works for me.

So I get through a day at a time and I force myself to do things in the hopes of meeting new people and having a bit of fun.

justin

Is your W still in the A??
If so what are you doing to end the A?? Is she doing anything??

I never once thought of having an A but now I find myself wondering if there is anyone out there that would find me attractive and want to risk everything just for me.I know that I will never do anything like that but when your spouse cheats it strips you of so much that you began to question everything about yourself and your M.

Good luck to you and let us know a little more about your situation.

Hey gingersnap,, I'm so sorry to hear of your blowout. Seems you and I have been having it rough lately. Things will get better, I'm praying. You and I are so much alike I think I can relate to you very well. And are you kidding me,, girl your gorgeous I have told you that before but maybe you do need a man to tell you , so you will believe it. And yes we do begin to question all, maybe if we would have done that in the first place things would be different, but I doubt it. You know who you are and that is all that matters. Your H is just not realizing what he could lose if he doesnt began to help you with your emotional feelings. They took so much away from us, and they need to understand the ups and downs we face daily. Hope to talk to you soon, your friend hurtin.

Hi explorer. No I don't think it is just a male thing, although males and females do think very diffrently. I'm so glad you posted . Maybe we can figure out some things, you being male and me female. I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening to you, I can't believe your W is still having a relationship. How is this possible. What does she say she wants to do with your lives? Does she want your marriage to work, or is she just thinking of herself and what makes her happy for now? I'm sorry for all the questions, but I'm a bit overtaken by all this. Your right about the anger, afte it does take the pain away for a while just until something comes up which is always that reminds you of the A. I give you credit for trying to get on with things and have some fun, its so hard I know I have tried. Thanks again for posting it really helps to hear what people have to say, and so far only you and two others have responded . Thanks again. Hurtinhart

Hi I was just checkin in to see how things were . No one has been around,, hmm well I hope all is good with everyone,, Im doing a little better, Hubby is going out of town on Tuesday of next week so I know Im gonna be in a bad way soon. Hope to hear from someone . Hurtinhart

Hi Hurtin

Stay strong during this time I know how hard it is on you.
I am here for you anytime you need me.
I sure wish that billibob would post I am so worried about him.

Take care my friend remember you are special and loved.

Hi ginger so glad to finally here from someone. I m doing much better, Pete goes to Phoenix tomorrow and will be back Wed . Savanna is turning 5 on Thursday so I have my mind on that. I hope to hear from you real soon. I also think about billibob myself. Email me girl i lost your phone number. Thanks hurtinhart.

Stay busy.
I will email you,have fun and tell your little girl I said Happy Birthday.

The strike is over but that does not mean all is well.Last week was a very long hard week for me.

I miss chatting w/you.I need to laugh.

Take care.