Believer

Is it LBing to tell WH something about OW? I found out that she was all over another fellow at WH work. Had her hands up his shirt feeling him all over and I guess she made him feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed. I really want to tell him this.....help!

Yes, it is LBing. He does not want to hear anything bad about OW.

I told my H that OW had 2 affairs before him. He did not want to hear it. Then he said, well we never discuss things like that.

I just got to tell him. I just got to. It is killing me. I have to think about it when he comes next time without telling him. Uhhhhhh! I really need him to know that she did this.

Hopeless,

Please reconsider telling WH about OW.I know you are chomping at the bit to tell him but he is not a rational man right now and you'll only come off looking like the meanspirited evil wife who is taking trash about his beloved homewrecker.Believe me,I know too.

You are not doing him any service and he is not going to believe you most likely.If she is the office sl** then let him find out for himself.YOU have to remain the one with all the dignity and integrity in the world even though you may want to wring his neck.

When WH starts to come out of his fog,he should remember you in respectful,loving but firm terms,not the ranting wife who tried to deep six his fantasy.That is hard to do by all means but try to be uninvolved with their relationship if you can.Let them destroy it on their own and by their own devices.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Oct,

I will try not to say anything. I was just telling Amy that the OP that she felt up works with WH. So I was just thinking that if he didn't believe me WH could just ask him and he would have proof.

Maybe I will rethink it though.

Listen to Octobergirl. You are not going to win by trashing OW.

My H thinks his OW can do no wrong. She has left her H and daughter, cheated on her H while he was off defending our country, refuses to work to help H save their house. She is really a p%g.

But H thinks she is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to him.

okay, I'm listening. I won't tell anything. I promise. I got it. OW is a factory sl** and I am with the program now. He will find out.

Hopeless,

PLEASE don't say anything to him. All it will do it put him on the defensive and a protective barrier will go up around OW. They are just like the teenager whose parents tell them not to see a certain boyfriend/girlfriend and the parents lay out all the reasons why. What happens? It drives them right into the arms of the BF/GF.

That's exactly what will happen here. Until the WS is out of the fog completely and well out of withdrawal, anything you say about/against the OP will totally backfire.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So I was just thinking that if he didn't believe me WH could just ask him and he would have proof. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But you know what? He won't. Because his defenses are too strong, and why would he want to ask his co-worker? Good grief, he might just find out you are right! Heaven forbid! No, he doesn't want to hear the truth and will do everything in his power to protect himself from it.

Bite your tongue, go into a closet and shout it to your clothes, just to get it out of your system, but don't say a word to him.

Stay strong, Hopeless!

Thanks S,

I won't, I won't! I will tell my mom, or my sister instead. They won't care either but at least it will be telling someone. Right? Thanks Gals.

Are you taking care of you? I think you need to do that soon. Do not worry about what they are doing.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'd like to make one small correction, here.

Providing information about someone is NOT an LB.

It's all in the delivery, you see. For example....

If you had, oh, PICTURES of the event, and they happened to be mailed to your WS anonymously? I would think that wouldn't be an LB and would have a truly lovely effect on the affair.

On the other hand, if you try to TELL your WS about this, the ears will turn off as soon as you mention OW's name in a negative context. Not an LB, no, but just not getting through to the right receptors.

Happens to me all the time. It's a neat party trick. Mention OM, watch eyes glaze over all over the room.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Goodness Just J! You hang out in rooms full of WS all the time??? On purpose???? And have developed party tricks?????????

For all those reasons, and the photograph ideas, I like you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Amy

Oops...I did a LOT of this. I thought it would help WH see the light. He even agreed with a lot of it, but then where did he go each noon and each night after work???

Now I see it didn't work. He doesn't want to believe she's a bad person even though her whole life screams sl**!

Thanks gals and guys. Of course I have no pictures, but I have been one busy bee today. I have made several phone calls to embarrass the hell out of him. I made several emails to work friends also. By tomorrow night when he goes to work, lots of people should know. I told them to tell everyone the more the merrier. I am actually liking this feeling. It feels good to have the power. We went to my moms for dinner and played video games and just laughed and had fun together. He doesn't know what he is missing. We have such lovely children and they are so much fun to be around. I wouldn't miss it for the world and I never will. You would have to kill me first. I will never understand how some can leave their own in the dust or like a flat tire. I am taking care of me. I feel good tonight from all that telling I did today. I feel empowered to share it you all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

YAY! Good for you hopeless,rather hopeful!

Keep riding that "high" and take care of your self and kids.That's the immediate goal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

O

Oct

Thanks. I do feel good tonight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Sounds like lostnhurt needs a little help over in the plan A/plan B section though. Been trying to give her a little boost tonight. Maybe you could help me out.

Will do.

Yay! Good for you. I remember the first day I felt like that. It rocked! That was the first day I saw light at the end of my tunnel. I knew that one day I would be OK.

You have turned a corner, girlfriend. You might have down days ahead, but you have tasted having a good day again, and it didn't include or have anything to do with your WS, and you can call on that knowledge to make it happen again in the future.

Hugs! Amy

And whatever you do, don't let an enraged response from WH stop you. It's his tough luck that he's created a situation that embarasses him.