Hi everybody, I haven't been here as much as I used to, I had to stop and rest for a bit. I've been jugling 2 1/2 jobs, kids, and my marriage recovery for over one year and I was out of energy. Recharging slowly with plenty of slee has helped.<BR>Well. we're getting very close to Christmas, and I've been thinking about my Chrismas last year.<BR>My H's 5 month affair ( he says 4 ) had just ended, we were trying to piece things together and making it work. THings were shaky, but we were finally moving in the same direction. Baby steps, but babysteps forward.<BR>She was still calling him, using work as an excuse, and he wasn't putting an end to it.I was getting frustrated because he didn't seem to understand that the calls bothered me ( and that's to put it mildly ) His answer was invariably "but I didn't call her!"<BR>Communication was improving but still not at its best, and I still couldn't find a non-defensive mood to ask all my questions.<BR>My trust was still zero, and it was bothering me too. I couldn't see how we could have any sort of a relationship if there wasn't some kind of trust.<BR>True he was spending all his free time with me and the kids, and seemed quite happy about it, but any unusual thing would make me panick ( being called to work overtime, meetings, or even taking a bit longer from work to home ). <BR>The fact the he wouldn't talk about the affair was another difficult thing for me. He seemed to have decided it was done and over with, so we should go from there as if it had never happened.I guess it was easy for him. It was impossible for me.<BR>Fighting my own thoughts and imagination and having no special feedback from him was getting me down.<BR>It was a very emotional Christmas, and one not particularly happy .<BR>On the other hand we were doing great in certain areas. Recreational time together improved greatly, sex got better, we were talking more than ever and he was even opening a bit ( which is quite difficult for him).<BR>Slowly things kept improving. She started calling less and less, until she gave up. Withdrawl ended.Trust was still a problem but he was finally understanding and starting to make a better effort to help me there.<BR>After a long wait I finally was able to ask all the questions ( at least the ones I had written down ) and get honest answers ( if confused some times ). <BR>When trust came back I hardly noticed at first, and when I did, it surprised me. It was a different trust, but it was there.I would say that was one of the major steps on our recovery, and quite important too, a great help to my fragile self confidence.<BR>AS the months passeddd, things kept getting better slowly.Our marriage is in great shape now, and we intend to keep it this way.<BR>We're working hard at it too. Making sure that we communicatee our needs to each other, our feelings. Thinking about the other before making decisions, remembering to call if we're late, making an effort to have private time even though we work different hours and days. Doing small things to each other, that just say that we thought about each other during the day, or that we care. Opening to each other instead of closing whenever life throws us a curve. <BR>It is hard work, but very rewarding.<BR>This Christmas is going to be completely different.We're planning things together, we're working as a team. There's no shadow of the ow over us, and we're certainly not going to waste time thinking about her.And I don't feel insecure anymore.<BR>For those of you who don't know me, my H waned to leave, he felt the ow was the only person he could be happy with, and thing looked pretty bad. Nevertheless we made it. A lot of you will make it too, it can be done. But it's going to take time, a lot of understanding, and the ability to stay focused on our goals.<BR>Well in my own way - very long as usual - this is what I wanted to say: it can happen even when things look so bad we can't see any way out.<BR>Last Christmas I wasn't sure it will ever happen. I was hoping for the best, but preparing for the worse. Wishing that we would be able to recover, but doubting it at the same time.Believing that my H stil loved me, but wondering if the damage done had killed my own love for him.<BR>This year I feel great. I have no doubts, and I know that we're both working towards the same goals : a stong, happy and loving marriage.<P>I wish you all the best possible Christmas and New Year. May you be writing about your success story in this board soon <P>Take care <BR>and a Big Hug to all of you.<P>I also want to thank everybody that helped me last year. SOme of you are still here, most moved on but come here occasionally. Thank you for your help and support.<P>Kat<BR><P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Kat,<P>Merry Christmas to you too! Thanks for the story of your success. It has given me that extra needed boost of hope. <P>I am so glad that you two are doing so well. <P>Here's to 2000 being the best year any of us have ever had. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<P>

So Beautiful.......I wish the best......The road in life had a big detour for your marriage and I am so happy that the both of you found your way home. Makes me want to cry. Tears of happiness, of course.<P>Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, Kat1!<P>Your story and your posts have kept me going many times. And this one is another Christmas blessing!<P>Lori

Wow, thanks for posting that.It really lifted my spirits. Its my Christmas wish that everyone of us can write a simalar post next year. Merry Christmas everyone! Lora

Thank you for your success story. I'm so glad that you & your H are doing well. Happy Holidays to you & yours...

Hey Twin!!!<P>Thank you so much for your wonderful and encouraging posts!!!!<P>You have helped so many because of them!!<P>Have a marvelous Christmas and New Year also!!!!<P>You're the best!!!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba

So Happy for You. Sometimes it is hard to imagine the pain will ever EVER stop. I have just learned the past few weeks that it can. Thank you for all your inspiration in the past year.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Boy, I sure hope I can look back at this year and be able to say that we moved forward... next year had better be a year of growing and healing...<P>Thanks for reminding me what can be if we keep taking those baby-steps forward...<P>Love ya, Sheryl

Kat,<P>What a wonderful story - a testament to the love, faith, determination and courage of two great people - you and your H! <P>Glad you had a great Christmas...<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Kat:: <P>Glad things are still going well for you!! Keep up the great work,, and thanks a million to all the help you have been giving me!! Happy Holidays to you!

Hi guys,<BR>Thanks for the holiday wishes.<BR>I'm coming here just for a bit, and I'm glad to see that there are many more stories of hope in here. <BR>That's what I like ! <BR>ALthough me and H nave an ear and throat infection ( MY nice gave it to us for Christmas ) we're having a great time .<BR>Happy New Year to you guys<BR>And rememeber, in most cases it can be done ! <BR>Hugs <BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.